Why do I keep falling for it

[itgetsworseandworse]

I don't understand how I manage to fall for the illusion of getting better every time. I am tired of the endless loop of despair and joy and then even deeper despair. The peaks get lower and lower and yet whenever the slope tilts upwards I fool myself thinking I'm all better now.

And I know, that although this is clear to me now, if in a month or too things get slightly better, I'll believe the lie yet again.

I really don't want this cycle to continue. If I wasn't indebted to so many people, I'd quit it now. But for now, all I have is dreaming of the moment after which I'll no longer hurt ever again.

 

[AwakeTooLong]

I've been going through this for the past couple years, there's really no getting better for me personally and I've finally accepted it and plan on ctb in a little over a week tops

 

[skyflame]

It's the same for me :( and the high points / good times aren't actually you being happy or enjoying life like everyone else, it just means you got out of the despair for a brief moment. I find myself thinking "is all the pain worth it?"

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

Life is just an endless spiral of problems, nothing else.

 

[SoulCage]

Yes, exactly the same for me. That's why I decided to give myself a chance only one last time. I have set a deadline and I won't try anymore if it doesn't get better by then. Enough is enough.