segasonicexe
Member
- Aug 20, 2024
- 16
This had to be a crude joke. I've been alive for so many years longer than I'm meant to. I've quite literally had my life crumble 3 times over in the past year or two. I just can't do it. And the worst part? My methods either don't work, or I just don't attempt. Always just about good enough to not actually attempt, but yet I feel constantly fucked. I'm so depressed my damn head hurts. It's like my skull is rotting. And I tell myself ill kill myself this week, and it'll be the only thing to get me through, and then one thing will go right, I'll get ahead of myself, and then the ass falls out from the bucket again. I just... can't.
Even so, all my methods aren't great. My current one is to get intoxicated and throw myself off a bridge, but I'm worried that I won't die on impact and I'll slowly drown. What a miserable death. Plus, it's uncertain I'll actually jump
There's just... there's nothing left here for me anymore
And you know what? This is annomyonous, so I'll say it, I don't want help, not because I don't want to get better. I'm scared ill have my Blankie taken from me and im scared itll fuck up getting a dysphoria diagnosis.
So what if I treat Blankie like he's a person? To me, he is.
He sure as shit treated me like a person when my parents didn't... what makes this any different?
I WAS JUST A DAMN KID FOR FUCK SAKE. I WAS BARELY ABLE TO SPEAK AND THOSE FUCKING MANIACS TOOK MY DAMN LIVELYHOOD. and they just kept going and going and going, and they could've stopped at ANY point, but they didn't. And now.... I have nothing...
I just wanted a fulfilling life. Why was that such a hard ask? What in the fucking 9 circles of hell did I do as a 4 year old to warrant this?
And now I'm like this broken, part teen, part adult, part hopeless slob and part actual fucking child. Is it stupid that in the entire world, what I want Is to like... play dress up? And I want tea parties, and dolls and a tiara too. Is that bad? Because it certainly feels bad.
Even so, all my methods aren't great. My current one is to get intoxicated and throw myself off a bridge, but I'm worried that I won't die on impact and I'll slowly drown. What a miserable death. Plus, it's uncertain I'll actually jump
There's just... there's nothing left here for me anymore
And you know what? This is annomyonous, so I'll say it, I don't want help, not because I don't want to get better. I'm scared ill have my Blankie taken from me and im scared itll fuck up getting a dysphoria diagnosis.
So what if I treat Blankie like he's a person? To me, he is.
He sure as shit treated me like a person when my parents didn't... what makes this any different?
I WAS JUST A DAMN KID FOR FUCK SAKE. I WAS BARELY ABLE TO SPEAK AND THOSE FUCKING MANIACS TOOK MY DAMN LIVELYHOOD. and they just kept going and going and going, and they could've stopped at ANY point, but they didn't. And now.... I have nothing...
I just wanted a fulfilling life. Why was that such a hard ask? What in the fucking 9 circles of hell did I do as a 4 year old to warrant this?
And now I'm like this broken, part teen, part adult, part hopeless slob and part actual fucking child. Is it stupid that in the entire world, what I want Is to like... play dress up? And I want tea parties, and dolls and a tiara too. Is that bad? Because it certainly feels bad.
Last edited:
