sannoji
dreaming of flying
- May 4, 2023
- 55
i just feel so guilty somehow that i even exist. it feels awful, i just wish my body would dissolve or something. i can't even name all the things i think are wrong because i just feel like my entire existence is a problem to everyone else. i can't help them with any of their stuff, i tend to isolate from them and things and i just wish i didn't have to be a human being. maybe i'll feel different later, who fucking knows with the way my mood swings are all the time, but right now i just feel like i've never made a single positive impact on the world. all i do is ruin things, for myself and for others. i just feel so disgusting. i'm selfish as shit because i want so much from people and i guess sometimes i feel like i deserve their affection to make me feel better but i don't. i don't like people and i wish they would leave me alone but i feel like i need them but i just wish they would leave me and stop making me feel even more awful for wanting anything of them. it's not like i ever truly give anything good to them back. maybe i'm funny sometimes. but mostly i feel like my entire mindset is broken and i don't know if it's me or the world but me and the world don't fit together. i'm like this awful anomaly that only unnerves everyone else. i wish i could just rot.
