black.dahlia
Member
- Jul 9, 2023
- 56
i wish i killed myself years ago. i had the determination to end my life back then. hell, even a couple months ago. i feel like im in a weird limbo now. i want to die, i definitely hate being alive, but i dont feel anything towards it? theres no deep depression, no anger, no desire for someone to help me, no revenge plan in my head. i just want to ctb even while im at my "best" to everyone around me. but im not at my best. people just see me functioning and assume im okay.
its fucking pathetic how little people give a shit about anyone but themselves. as long as im not bothering them or making them uncomfortable, they dont care enough to know anything about me or how im feeling. and its gotten to a point now where i dont care about them either. i dont care about anyone, i feel absolutely nothing towards them when i think about my ctb- theyll only give a shit because it makes them uncomfortable to think about how little they paid any attention to me when i was alive. people always say they care but then leave you as soon as they get bored. im so sick of being alive just for the sake of it. i wish i could end it all right now.
i practice this fucking tourniquet almost every night. with padding and everything. i practice and practice and tell myself that if i perfect it ill be able to ctb. but if my method isnt even that popular or reliable, but do i have to rely on here? i cant even kill myself right. what am i even here for? i just want something to be clear and easy for once
this whole post is so scattered and im very sorry to anyone who read it but i also think my pfp really adds to it now that im really looking at it
its fucking pathetic how little people give a shit about anyone but themselves. as long as im not bothering them or making them uncomfortable, they dont care enough to know anything about me or how im feeling. and its gotten to a point now where i dont care about them either. i dont care about anyone, i feel absolutely nothing towards them when i think about my ctb- theyll only give a shit because it makes them uncomfortable to think about how little they paid any attention to me when i was alive. people always say they care but then leave you as soon as they get bored. im so sick of being alive just for the sake of it. i wish i could end it all right now.
i practice this fucking tourniquet almost every night. with padding and everything. i practice and practice and tell myself that if i perfect it ill be able to ctb. but if my method isnt even that popular or reliable, but do i have to rely on here? i cant even kill myself right. what am i even here for? i just want something to be clear and easy for once
this whole post is so scattered and im very sorry to anyone who read it but i also think my pfp really adds to it now that im really looking at it
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