Why do I feel empty

[permanently tired]

I was on call with a friend and we were talking about our daily life and plans for the future. She's working a job for the summer and hates the monotonous grind. I'm thinking to myself how she is going to do that for the next several decades if she already hates it. Is the money worth it? She and seemingly everyone in my life encourages me to "reach my potential." Whatever that means I suppose. It's not worth it to me. Yes, we'll die and that's an argument to be made. It doesn't matter if I die or were immortal if the time I had was mostly enjoyable. The problem arises when I think toward my future and I know I'm not missing a vital piece that will make me happy. When she finished her piece she turned and asked me my plans before quickly adding I don't plan to ctb right. I lied and said xyz which is technically true since I intend to do something before I die. I'm bored. I'm empty, and I feel nothing. I wish I could feel otherwise, my life atm isn't bad by any means. I can pursue my dream job and my parents are nicer to me than before. I see all potential jobs as a means to an end. How do people find fulfillment? I'm merely waiting for the next convenient opportunity to exit (when I move out so I may hang myself in the comfort of my home).

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I was on call with a friend and we were talking about our daily life and plans for the future. She's working a job for the summer and hates the monotonous grind. I'm thinking to myself how she is going to do that for the next several decades if she already hates it. Is the money worth it? She and seemingly everyone in my life encourages me to "reach my potential." Whatever that means I suppose. It's not worth it to me. Yes, we'll die and that's an argument to be made. It doesn't matter if I die or were immortal if the time I had was mostly enjoyable. The problem arises when I think toward my future and I know I'm not missing a vital piece that will make me happy. When she finished her piece she turned and asked me my plans before quickly adding I don't plan to ctb right. I lied and said xyz which is technically true since I intend to do something before I die. I'm bored. I'm empty, and I feel nothing. I wish I could feel otherwise, my life atm isn't bad by any means. I can pursue my dream job and my parents are nicer to me than before. I see all potential jobs as a means to an end. How do people find fulfillment? I'm merely waiting for the next convenient opportunity to exit (when I move out so I may hang myself in the comfort of my home).

How I see it despite I am trying to get an early pension at 30yo is that even if many people don´t like theire jobs they find fullfilment in feeling competent in doing the tasks the job requires and since they are good social unlike me who got autism I think they enjoy the commeratie (spelled?) so imo I think a lot of people take pride in being able to provide for themselves and getting the social interaction through work and I bet many people get some sort of solidarity feeling from benefitting to society by working I unfortunately can´t work so all of this is just my theory about it