Help Why did I have to be born just to suffer?

[kunikuzushi]

Why did I have to be born just to suffer? Every day of my life is torture. And for no reason. There's nothing I want. There's nothing that brings me joy. Only disgusting animal pleasure from food and sex.

Everything would have been so much better if I was never born. Not a second of my life has been worth this constant mental agony since my earliest memory. I'm in so much pain. I just want it to stop instantly. I don't want to have to deal with the anxiety of ending my life. The truth is I have an unhealthy attachment to living. I'm in a toxic relationship with living. I don't want it anymore. It causes me so much pain. But it's all I've ever known. So I'm terrified to leave.

I want the pain to stop instantly. Please why did I have to be born. I'm so fucking lonely right now it hurts. I need someone to talk to. I can't make it through the rest of today. Through the rest of this week. I need someone to be with me or talk to me. Please.

 

[The Dead Line]

Because the government wants you to pay taxes and serve super rich people directly or indirectly. The most important question why do they block our way ? That is the legitimate question!

 

[cluefixphantom]

It's simply unfair. I think as a victim, there are basically two paths: either you take your own life (or are killed), or you choose to extend the suicide. I can understand why some people become shooters or kill their parents tbh. I think Audrey Hale was also just bullied, I'm maybe one few women who feel so sorry for her. I know how it is to be outcasted just because we are poor and other see us as ugly.

I was also abused in psychiatric hospital and wish I could inflict the same pain and character assasination they inflicted on me and they did this also on other disabled and poor women who are very vulnerable. All the companies make money with vulnerable people and damage them further similar to cattle sometimes. But one of the crulest is the medical industry, especially psychology (psychotherapism system) The labor-wage-slaves in the psychiatric hospitals there and employers are the same nazi-rapists, they never changed. They cause so much harm and can make fun of the "patients" with their families and friends, and they travel alot, move free outside can buy cars, houses and so on. While women like me are pushed towards the cliff and pressured to stay their whole life caged away somewhere, rot there and have the risk of sexual violence on top of it or other degrading shit.

We are doomed to decide how to steer this ship here. I often feel angry about the thought that I should just CTB. In 2025, I filed criminal complaints and applied for victim compensation (OEG, Opferentschädigungsgesetz in Germany) but so far, no money or daily assistance has come yet, and especially no apology. I try it 2026 again. I demand 20 million euro.

You're left completely alone with everything. Just bullied, just poor, and thanks to my parents I endure physical illnessess everyday. That really makes sad but also very angry. Others who have it better just laugh it off. But I'm standing alone in this body, with this body and trauma, with people around who try to hurt me again.

I was thrown into this life, and I feel a strong desire for revenge, not just for me but they damage other disabled and poor women too. We have no rich lobby, no real environment built for our needs and safety and interests. There is still nothing.

Honestly I must say, there is no solidarity between women, especially the rich don't help the poor. I have never experienced them helping it's rather the opposite. The working women just make rich people richer and get a small piece of the meat in return. They are happy with this. That's why we never come any step further. I often think I should start what Valerie Solanas might have wanted to start. A fire that burns through the parasites above us. I wish those that have harmed us very bad things.