Why can't the world admit that someone like me ought to be dead?

[Imaginos]

Some, or perhaps most, would obviously think as much, but I just don't understand why there are those who, broadly speaking, seem to care, or only pretend to care is probably closer to the truth, about mentally ill reality rejects like myself and deem their/my continued survival as being something of value, when it's really just a tortuous grind of painful nothingness that is entirely self-defeating to keep going. It seems impossible for these people to admit that there are those truly beyond any kind of hope or assistance.

I think this betrays a sense of denial on their parts, since if they acknowledged that some people deep enough into the pit (like me) really ought to be dead, then this posits the notion that they themselves might also reach such a point someday where they might be better off dead too, assuming they're not at that point already. Instead, people like this will constantly romanticize severe mental illness and make friendly jokes about it, acting as if it's all somehow tolerable/treatable and not the sort of thing that should otherwise be seen as the gruelingly miserable fate that it actually is. Whether it's on reddit anytime even the slightest whiff of mental illness is brought up, or on any other mainstream website for that matter, you'll always see most everybody pour it on with the empty platitudes and it just sickens me to no end.

I guess I can't speak to other people and how far gone they may, or may not be, but personally I take this kind of crap as both an insult and as being patronizingly naive. The fact of the matter is, is that someone like me ought to have been executed as a baby or, better yet, been aborted entirely. Failing that, I should be allowed whatever tools I wish to kill myself with and be spared hearing any maudlin bullshit about how my "life is worth living". No, it isn't. It never was. And, you know, the harsh truth is, is that most people's lives aren't worth living either, but they simply opt to be in denial over it for lack of any other better option.

TL;DR: Sick of faux concern and constant virtue signaling in the realm of mental illness. People like me simply ought to be encouraged to die, instead of being fed empty platitudes and insultingly useless bullshit.

 

[WornOutLife]

I totally agree with you!
People just PRETEND to worry about people.
They say "suicide is bad" because they feel better forcing other individuals to live no matter what on this rock.

I hope there comes a day and age in which suicide stops being such a taboo that is censored everywhere.

 

[Belaya Noch]

By the way, I wanted to say that I really like your posts.

One can say that severe depression gives us a cognitive depth impenetrable for average people; a real Mariana Trenches of human existence.

It's just a pity that this ability is completely useless.

 

[loopylou]

If my family did an anonymous ballet where they had to be completely honest on it, I think they would all agree I'm suffering too much to carry on

 

[Symbiote]

I don't need the whole world to tell me that I should be dead, that's too easy. It's getting the people that still care about me to NOT CARE ABOUT ME. I still have emotional strings that are tugged a bit when they're hurt and I think my death will hurt them which is not my intention. I fuck up so much and my wife still loves me to some degree, she just hasn't opened her eyes to see that there is much better out there in the world than me. Like a product or an object, I'm broken. She can choose someone who isn't broken and can fulfill her dreams better than I can.

 

[Inkling]

I imagine an overwhelming majority of this forum is used to empty platitudes, especially on the internet. I've seen all kinds of justifications for why people do this, social posturing seems to be the most obvious one, since people don't want to stir the hornet's nest regarding these subjects and they even get some points to boot as far as coming across as superficially nice people goes. I'm sure there's an unwillingness to accept reality as well, people don't like to think about subjects that don't directly affect them.

Speaking from personal experience, I've seen people display these platitudes regarding either me or others that are close to them, but then hold the "some people are better off dead" stance regarding complete strangers, I guess it's some weird social posturing mixed with hypocrisy.

 

[Imaginos]

People just PRETEND to worry about people.

Yeah, that they do. The sad thing is that it often pays to play pretend and spout sweet little lies, especially when others are listening/watching whatever it is you're saying. Beyond the pretending however, I'd wager these people who purport to care are just as coldly indifferent as anyone else. They virtue signal amongst their peers, or just to the wider crowd in general, in either a cynical bid to stay in the good graces of these random people, and to otherwise improve their perceived standing in the hopes of receiving praise/brownie points for signaling what a "kind and compassionate" person they are. Or maybe they just say these things in ignorance on account of social conditioning. As in a person feels as if that's the only "proper" thing they can say, even if they don't really mean it, since going against the grain and expressing what they really feel might only get them trouble/flak from others still subdued by said social conditioning.

It's just a pity that this ability is completely useless.

Agreed. I'd go one further and say that truth seeking and increased perceptual awareness are inherently self-destructive things. There is no consolation or reward for realizing the world is a monstrous killing field of pointless suffering and inevitable death, or that the universe itself is a malignantly useless blob of nothing. It's like Lovecraft once said, in regards to how it is better to be a contended cat, than bear the burden of such crushing truths which literally gain you nothing anyway and, in fact, can only wound you. Might as well be a blissfully ignorant oaf since, no matter what, we're all either worm food or a pile of dry ashes at the end, regardless of whatever it is we know.

The tragedy comes into the fact that this itself isn't really a choice. Some are simply doomed to uncover the infinite rot which rests beneath the thin veneer of everyday reality, only to then find themselves languishing/grappling in the knowledge of it forevermore. Once you see the nothingness behind the curtain, you can never unsee it. If one is lucky, only a small part of themselves will be gobbled up by that nothingness, but if you're unlucky (which is far more likely), it'll take every last stitch of whatever it is you were, or might've been, leaving only an empty husk behind.

If you ask me, this particular concept of "truth" is greatly overrated and, even worse, downright poisonous. Go too far down the rabbit hole and you can never come back. Once the genie is out of the bottle, it's already too late to put it back. Once Pandora's box is opened, it's impossible to close it again. If I had any advice to give to a younger me, it would be that.

I've seen all kinds of justifications for why people do this, social posturing seems to be the most obvious one, since people don't want to stir the hornet's nest regarding these subjects and they even get some points to boot as far as coming across as superficially nice people goes.

Yeah, I forgot to mention this, but I agree that social posturing/conditioning is essentially the main factor fueling the constant dishing out of empty platitudes and faux concern which I referred to in my opening post. Like you said, most people don't want to think too hard or too deeply about those in this sort of predicament, so falling back on cliches and platitudes is not only a much easier thing to do, but will also likely get them pats on the backs from others for their showing of such pleasant niceties, even if they're utterly hollow/fake.

When it comes down to it, even if their true opinion is one of cold disdain, or utter indifference, or perhaps even approval for this sort of thing, it simply wouldn't do to speak them out loud, especially when the threat of being rebuked by others still engaged in their insincere social posturing can be pretty high. Better to just play the unspoken game and move on, then to stir up a fuss over something that'll get you nowhere anyway. I'm sure however that from the perspective of some they probably do genuinely believe the platitudinous things they're saying, but the content is either unexamined or made without any point of distinct reference, leaving them ignorantly speaking on something they really have no concept of.

Speaking from personal experience, I've seen people display these platitudes regarding either me or others that are close to them, but then hold the "some people are better off dead" stance regarding complete strangers, I guess it's some weird social posturing mixed with hypocrisy.

Do these people they regard as being "better off dead" happen to be suicidal, or depressed? Or are they just those they personally dislike and would wish to see dead so as to make the world a better place or their lives easier? Those such as criminals, politicians, petty rivals, and the like. If it's the latter, while you're right that it's still hypocritical when contrasted against whatever pro-life opinions they have, it's not really the same thing as actually thinking this way towards someone who's so irreparably miserable that there's no use in their continuing to live and that they'd be far better off dead. If only for their own sake, even if it comes at the expense of others feeling bad about it (like family or what have you).

 

[I want to end it]

There is a big push to protect "vulnerable" people at all costs. Society, governments and people would rather keep someone alive, even if they're completely physically and mentally disabled, than let them die. Even if your quality of life is awful and you have immense unfixable problems, most people have this in-built programming (whether it's social programming or biological programming) to prevent someone taking their life.

I don't know when societies around the world will move past this and see that it's an individual's own choice whether to live or not. I think we are moving towards it, albeit slowly.

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

For the same reason why I wouldn't want any of you to ctb. I get you, I want you to find peace, but I still don't want you gone. Doesn't matter how much I know you or don't. I know this has become a necessity for you, and I know why, and because I know why I also know that it must feel so unfair to be put in this position. And unfair necessity, that's how I look at it.
But to the common man, father or mother, brother, sister, friend or lover, it's both unfair and unnecessary. "It's never too late." "Life is full of endless possibilites." "The world is your oyster." "You make your own luck." Meanwhile you think how the hell are you supposed to explain to them again that nice sayings just don't apply here, that you are not in a theme park, that your ride got derailed into a swamp-like limbo and celebratory praises and hymns simply don't have enough substance to pull you out of the quicksand. At best, they can make you wistful just enough to make you temporarily forget your position. Right up until the point you realize they've just reinforced it even more.

 

[IsThisTheEnd?]

your ride got derailed into a swamp

Brilliant!

 

[ClairyFairy]

I live in Europe and I get obsessed with the thought that if Germany won ww2 then I wouldn't even exist because my grandfather would have been euthanized due to his mental illness. It really bothers me that that was nearly the case and now mentally ill people should be grateful for all the help they get and not want to be dead