why cant i just cut myself

[ScaredCutter]

I really want to cut myself, i have blades and have tried it before myself but i can never go deep, its just like im scrapping dead skin off my body. i react to the pressure and how it feels but, i truly believe that its something i need to do to make up for my own decisions ive made in life and what ive done thats hurt my boyfriend, i really want to cut myself but i got told by my mum that id be sent off to a hospital if i do so, i'll lose my blades if i dare to do it. im horrible at hiding cuts too, if its really light ones, i can get away with it but thats it.

i have done other harming to myself but mainly out of frustration and irritation, hitting myself, pulling at my skin, punching my thigh, desk or wall (not in a cringe way), i used to slam things on my head possibly. but, i dont want to do those because i get no relief, its just me hitting myself or things but i know its not visible because i dont cause any bruising from it or bumps either but, i just wanna cut myself instead, so bad.

 

[overmorrow]

I used to be like this too, but then one night, It was just too overwhelming, and i went deeper, tbh, after that it kind of become less scary and stuff

 

[ScaredCutter]

I used to be like this too, but then one night, It was just too overwhelming, and i went deeper, tbh, after that it kind of become less scary and stuff

honestly, i wish it could be the same for me and losing the fear and pain of it but im so afraid of being caught and losing everything, being monitored and going to a hospital. i hate being in places without people i recognise, i honestly feel afraid of being around people who i know nothing about