Why are you suicidal?

[Gorge_5155]

This might sound pretty stupid but these are the reasons I'm suicidal:

1. I don't want to go to college or get a job, both seem so miserable, I've never went to college, but still, I don't want to do assignments and any time I've had a job I've hated it.

2. I hate being unemployed as much as I do being employed. I hate feeling like a leech and I hate not having my own money.

3. I don't live alone and I have no privacy. It's degrading and I'm afraid I'll have to live with someone for my entire life due to my laziness and lack of motivation.

 

[witchcraft]

The negatives outweigh the positives. With everything.

I'm not good enough at anything no matter how hard I try.

 

[Macedonian1987]

I will keep it short and to the point why I'm suicidal:

Chronic illnesses that worsen with age (I'm 38 and already have a body of a 70 year old person)
Due to my Asperger's I never had a friend nor a love life
I'm avoided by all like I have the plague, even though I'm a good person (I have been told by many that I'm a good person)

 

[tasmaka]

The first time was when I was about 7, I blamed myself for how my parents were, and why my family got separated. Convinced I was a "horrible daughter" I cried because I didnt want to exist if all I did was cause issues.

The same holds true now, but I dont feel guilt, being a nuisance isnt a crime, I refuse to take fault for something I didnt do, but with everything in this world, I feel its better to die soon than wait for the fate of a cruel world.

 

[tonicer]

I am in the same situation except i do want a job. I studied for so long and i refuse to let all that go to waste. I also want to support my mother who lets me live in her house even though i am a 42 years old loser of a man. She's a true angel. Any other mother would have kicked me out long ago. I do help her as much as possible so i don't feel as much of a leech as i would if i would do nothing.

 

[grizzlycamel]

i guess my perspective is a little interesting since I feel like I had it "good" compared to other people here.

Did have a good upbringing but managed to go to school, did well, so well I ended up getting a masters but took out crazy debt for it. I do have a job but not in my field. A lot of other technicalities to it but can't say much more on it, it pays well enough and I don't hate it completely. I moved away from my abusive mother, I even live with my partner now. Shouldn't I be happy? Years ago this is what I'd dream of and was so certain this would be what makes me feel at peace. But I'm unhappy with my partner, I'm unhappy with my relationship. I ended up being so inter twinned with my partner I can't just leave. He's isolated me from others, he's ruined my birthday, he disappoints me. I'm stuck here now. Unless I go back to my mother who's in another country and leave this behind forever.

There was a time he did make me happy, I really did see us as a future. I don't see us as an US anymore, I can't trust him and I can't rely on him. I'm so alone it's killing me. He's draining the life out of me, I really did heal some parts of me before and when we first met. Now I don't know. I opened myself up to him thinking he'd treat me well but he treats me worse than I've treated myself.

So I guess the last reason out of all of this is that I really tried to make a better life for myself, by myself only to end up here. Whatever this is. I see myself in a lot of your stories, I thought I made it out of a mental space like this but I guess I never really escaped

 

[Tired_birth_1967]

Basically, because not existing is the only thing that makes sense to me. Anything else would be continuing to do the same things, feeling the same good or bad things until death. I would trade any pleasure I could still feel simply for not existing.

 

[dontletthembribeyou]

I don't feel like fixing all my problems and most of them are legit unfixable

 

[dragon.//]

Basically, because not existing is the only thing that makes sense to me. Anything else would be continuing to do the same things, feeling the same good or bad things until death. I would trade any pleasure I could still feel simply for not existing.

i feel this

 

[Abyss Dweller]

I maybe had a good 1 or 2 years between now (33y) and when I was in high school cutting myself and trying to neck myself.
IBS in my early 20s now OCD.

What's the fucking point?

Psychiatrist said maybe when I get to 40 I'll have a wife and 3 kids. I told her that's a nice story for a romantic comedy but unfortunately we are in real life.
In other words: "nice meme bro"
And none of these meds DO ANYTHING. Seriously I've now tried so many and all they ever did was make me sleepy. That's all.

What kind of a fucking alien brain I was blessed with?!

 

[thefarter]

i got doxxed basically and basically i have some bullies on m case and they're so cruel and it hurts my insides so i have realised the only way out of any of this is by killing my self :3c yay

also my overthinking will finally end ‍

 

[skizy]

severe mental illness. it eats at my soul. i take meds but meds can only help with so much, they dont make the boredom and anhedonia go away. theres only so much you can do to take up your time and distract yourself when you're an unemployable nutcase. the boredom is the worst, the inability to feel pleasure or happiness due to my disorder, it makes it seem like theres only one way out.

 

[Dinozauria]

Bit of a long response but here we go:

1. I don't think I could survive in the future. As OP said, jobs fucking suck. You're telling me I have to do that shit for 40-50 years ?? I've never been good with rigid routines, or working for too long, so it doesn't seem possible to get a job. Additionally, I was going to try vagabonding, but being AFAB, out of shape, and having no way to make money on the road basically guarantees failure (which normally means a slow painful death when you're homeless).

2. Another reason is probably suffering nowadays. I'm not going to go too much into depth into this reason cuz it's personal to me.

3. Suicide seems like a far better option for me. Even if, hypothetically, money wasn't an issue, I wasn't sad, everything was good, I still can't find myself wanting to live. Why should I? There's no rule saying someone needs to stay alive. I don't see what I'd get out of continuing to live. As someone above said, "the negatives outweigh the positives".

4. I think theres also a small part of me doing it for control too. This is a recent development so I can't really elaborate much on it other then saying control has always been an issue for me

5. I'm also a bit of a horrible person. That isn't to say everyone hates me, but I'd rather die then keep trying to be good. Afterall, I'll likely just keep hurting those around me as long as I live (which I realise is probably a very selfish reason but I'm past the point of caring)

 

[DeadManLiving]

Money. Without resources it's impossible to survive

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

I'm suicidal because I failed socially, educationally, and economically. Above all I failed spiritually. I am a deeply cowardly and narcissistic man. Dealing with my decades of shame and starting over at 36 just isn't possible. I can only do teenager jobs. A future of that kind of work is terrifying.

Am I a bad person? Yes. Am I scared of taking that to the grave? Somewhat. But I think the universe takes it easy on us and gives us eternal oblivion. The hell thing comes with Noah's Ark, so I really should let it go.

 

[leavingthisworld]

This might sound pretty stupid but these are the reasons I'm suicidal:

1. I don't want to go to college or get a job, both seem so miserable, I've never went to college, but still, I don't want to do assignments and any time I've had a job I've hated it.

2. I hate being unemployed as much as I do being employed. I hate feeling like a leech and I hate not having my own money.

3. I don't live alone and I have no privacy. It's degrading and I'm afraid I'll have to live with someone for my entire life due to my laziness and lack of motivation.

i have been struggling with mental illness including bpd since i was 6, it's all so incredibly painful and every day i suffer through the aftermath of my past

 

[ellisdisappeared]

There are 3 reasons

1. I have zero friends and can't get any support from my family
2. I did have friends, and we had a great relationship, they were a bit older than me, one was 3 years older and moved on with life, then the rest of my friends went through the same process. We got separated. I couldn't really form relationships with people my age except for one, but they've passed away.
3. I also don't like the thought of working the entirety of my life until I die.

 

[daruino]

Years of chronic depression/emptiness has made me lose all hope, ambition. I don't know what I want to do later in life, nothing interests me anymore. I don't know what degree I could do, also don't want financial debt from failing. Aside from that I can't form new meaningful connections with people anymore and my fear of abandonment is getting in the way of my current friendships. I also feel so much shame, I failed my parents, friends. Every day feels so heavy, I cannot do things normally like I used to.
I'm basically waiting for my parents to pass away to ctb.

 

[FuneralCry]

For me ceasing to exist is just all that's positive in this torturous, evil existence that I just always saw as a mistake, to be burdened with this existence is the most dreadful, cruel burden that only ever causes suffering with no limit as to how much one can be tortured, for me non-existence is just all that's desirable and for me ceasing to exist would be the positive solution to find peace from the torture of existing where every second existing beings are in agony.

I find it torturous to simply exist, to be conscious in this existence is the most dreadful, terrible abomination that just causes pain and suffering, for me existence itself is the true problem, all that existence ever does is cause harm and I find it so deeply undesirable to suffer in this existence in every way.

I just want this existence to be all gone, forgotten and erased for me, no matter what I'll prefer the peace of non-existence over the suffering and torture of existing and I find it horrific how the torture can continue for decades longer just for one to face the extreme agony of old age, no matter what this existence should never been imposed, the existence of life is the most devastating , terrible tragedy, there's just so much evil in existing.

 

[LetMeOut67]

Loser
Probably autistic
Socially awkward
No real friends
Look like I been dragged through hell
Can't really cope with 21st century and think it's inferior to when I grew up and it feels like it's heading towards hell

 

[bakenohana]

(apologies this ended up getting a bit long)

I just feel as if theres no point in life, haven't been able to see once since a very young age. my suicidality only gets worse every year i remain alive and it's genuinely painful to even make it through another day. I've never had any interest in jobs or relationships or anything really. everything feels like so much effort I dont want to do anything I just want to rot away and be truly free as i feel like the only way i could actually be free is through death. no more expectations or rules, no more thinking, just nothing.

i could say that the only reason is that i see no point in life but that would just be lying lol. I've been struggling with gender dysphoria for almost as long as I've been suicidal and I really dont see it ever improving. maybe it could've improved had i received medical treatment when I was younger and still had a bit more will to live but being in the UK i already knew the waiting lists were horrendous so i never even tried to seek out treatment. if i tried maybe I would've gotten something out of it but i really doubt it. at the point im at now I don't think any kind of medical intervention would be able to help anymore. maybe it'll make me not feel like vomiting at the sight of my own body as much but I won't ever feel truly happy or relieved and i would still want to ctb. my body is ruined my life is ruined I'll never be able to have a shot at living a normal life as a dude. in a way, i dont want to anymore, ill never feel real enough for myself. i just want to leave this world