Why are you still here?

[throwaway123]

For me....I guess I'm just not ready. Whatever the hell that means. being "ready.

 

[Desperate_Soul]

I keep finding excuses not to do it cause I'm really scared of doing it. Like saying I have no privacy or I don't have the necessary items to kill myself or that I have to do some stuff before I go like bills, cleaning, making sure everything is the way I want it before I go, etc. I think I still have hope that things might get better. And I don't know why. Decades have shown me that things don't get better.

 

[Ben]

Good question lol

 

[RM5998]

For me....I guess I'm just not ready. Whatever the hell that means. being "ready.

Same here. I can't seem to be able to perform partial from my door handle, and no water body to utilize SWB, but I think I'm just scared.

 

[Caustic Cardinals]

impulsive impatient indecisive

 

[Ben]

Same here. I can't seem to be able to perform partial from my door handle, and no water body to utilize SWB, but I think I'm just scared.

Are you able to purchase a blow up children's pool? That would be a big enough body of water and you could set it up wherever you want. It will look intentional though probably, if that matters to you.

 

[Madrid27]

because I have not yet prepared my method

 

[RM5998]

Are you able to purchase a blow up children's pool? That would be a big enough body of water and you could set it up wherever you want. It will look intentional though probably, if that matters to you.

My debit card sends alerts to my mom's phone, and I live in the middle of nowhere. You need to sign up for the college pool beforehand, and thus the only options I have are either getting partial right (I think I'm getting there) or trying to exsanguinate.

 

[Deleted member 847]

Guess I'm just not ready

 

[Tiburcio]

But ready in what way?

If it means not able to overcome fear, yes.
If it means we shouldn't die yet or we must fight even more, then NO.

 

[Ben]

My debit card sends alerts to my mom's phone, and I live in the middle of nowhere. You need to sign up for the college pool beforehand, and thus the only options I have are either getting partial right (I think I'm getting there) or trying to exsanguinate.

That's too bad..good luck in securing a method friend

 

[MachineGunDani]

My 12 year old son. We've been apart for like a year now and he doesn't want to come live with me. He's with my mom who hasn't helped the situation any. Even tho it seems he doesn't want anything to do with me I know it's going to affect him greatly.

 

[Paulsmith]

Time and the place

 

[Wantingpeace]

Still here, still because terror of death

 

[Trashcan]

I have to wait for a refund so I have enough money to purchase a gun.

 

[skyofAuroras]

I'm still here because of my family. I know some people would be devastated by my death. That and I'm afraid. Maybe a moment of desperation will finally push me to do it.

 

[NotMery]

I'm still here because of my sister and brother, I need to "prepare" them in some way and I Want to arrange the best dates so my sister won't be Alone when It happens. Maybe december is good. Also I'm not sure about the method. I really wanna nembutal but the Source I've found here in Brazil is salling much cheaper than "the" source people talk here so I'm afraid is a Scam. I'm still researching about A's reliability because ordem from him would take all the money I've saved for this. I'm dreaming about a realiable source in Brazil but I don't think It Will happen... :/

 

[Clover]

Well definitely not by choice.
I'm here because my past attempt failed and because I'm going to do everything possible to succeed this time which means having to be patient and wait for my N to arrive

 

[2211264]

Finishing work commitments,
Ending rental lease and moving out,
Selling all possessions,
Administravely ending all things (accounts,memberships,etc,etc)
A bit more time away from everyone I know, just so they think I'm good and gone already

 

[Hunter]

If you wait until "you're ready," you will most likely stay stuck in limbo and not do it.

There will always be a minor excuse to delay. Another small detail, another movie you missed, another food you want. Oh, I have to sell this, clean that. Your well thought out plans can easily become empty excuses to delay.

You are never going to be 100% emotionally prepared to ctb. At a certain point you have to push yourself to get it over with when the pain is too great. Death is supposed to be uncomfortable and scary; to wait for that to somehow change within you is asking to be stuck in a permanent limbo.

 

[2211264]

If you wait until "you're ready," you will most likely stay stuck in limbo and not do it.

There will always be a minor excuse to delay. Another small detail, another movie you missed, another food you want. Oh, I have to sell this, clean that. Your well thought out plans can easily become empty excuses to delay.

You are never going to be 100% emotionally prepared to ctb. At a certain point you have to push yourself to get it over with when the pain is too great. Death is supposed to be uncomfortable and scary; to wait for that to somehow change within you is asking to be stuck in a permanent limbo.

See my understanding and theory is that to be ready you must keep taking progressive steps to make life worse and worse. Proactively making things worse consistently. So that eventually you have nothing left except that last "course of action" . however its hard to keep self sabotaging yourself and do it well. For me though the goal is worth it so the journey is nothing

 

[Hunter]

See my understanding and theory is that to be ready you must keep taking progressive steps to make life worse and worse. Proactively making things worse consistently. So that eventually you have nothing left except that last "course of action" . however its hard to keep self sabotaging yourself and do it well. For me though the goal is worth it so the journey is nothing

I don't recommend cornering yourself. I get the idea, but it's not a great way to attain peace before you go. Then again, I'm starting to think that might also be impossible too.

 

[GoneSoon2]

I'm saving up money

 

[2211264]

I don't recommend cornering yourself. I get the idea, but it's not a great way to attain peace before you go. Then again, I'm starting to think that might also be impossible too.

I don't want peace, I want to achieve the goal.

 

[Lunar]

Fear, I guess? I don't know. I feel like I'm an incompetent fuck up so I worry that I'll mess up, become a vegetable and have to suffer even more.

 

[itsallover]

I'm scarred shitless of death to be honest. It's going to take a lot of guts for me to go through with something. I am going to try surgery next to deal with my debilitating chronic health issue. I also have a medical malpractice suit pending. If surgery fails me then there's nothing more I can really do. I wish I could collect that settlement, give it to my family, and then go. I've been through enough shit in life. It's hard enough to get anywhere when you're healthy, but you're absolutely screwed when you're chronically ill. Every part of your life suffers. I wish my family would accept that I am screwed if nothing works and let me go on good terms. There is no point to life when you don't have a future and nothing to work towards. Even if I'm sitting on a huge settlement and my quality of life is shit then what is the point.

 

[Nihilistnow]

Cowardice. The only way I can imagine killing myself is a way that has an insanely small chance of failure, like gunshot. I'm too scared otherwise. I'm American, so access to guns isn't an issue, but I'm not 18 for another 2 months. I started working recently so by then I'll have enough money to save up for a license and a shotgun to kill myself with.

 

[CentreMid]

I still have to come up with a plan. I have the method and money, but I just need to get the materials and do some final prep

 

[bigj75]

I'm saving up money

same

 

[Dead_Inside]

I failed twice. I don't know what to do. I tried practicing hanging ... but I can't get it to work.
I am saving for a gun. I am thankfully past any fear of dying... I am way more afraid of continuing here ... this place is really really bad for me.