Discussion Why are you still alive?

[Ashes of a Dreamer]

SI. I'm searching for benzos, cause only meditation for death and understanding the method isn't working - had a panic attack near the date I chose to ctb.

 

[NegevChina]

Love my kids, dont want to hurt and scar them, love my family wife Mom Brother, sister, nephews, don't have the courage, but I know I must do it soon. I've got all the equipment I need for Nitrogen + EB.

 

[Marbas]

My past attempts failed.

 

[DeathSleep]

Failed attempts and overthinking things mostly

 

[timmy_o]

why are you still alive? clearly if you're on this site you want to ctb - so what's keeping you from doing so?

The pain and suffering it would cause my loved ones keeps me from doing it.
That tether to this world is getting thinner but that's been the only thing keeping me here for years now.
I don't have hope of a better life, of recovery. I'm going through the paces for them, not for me.

Good question.

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

I ask myself that all the time.

I think mainly it's because I don't have N. I've always wanted to die in my sleep and every other method doesn't seem too appealing to me.

 

[Undeadbird]

distractions, but it's not really helped, I am doing more than I once was but still I have become more suicidal and it gets easier to ctb everytime I think about it. I fear the pain and discomfort too, and I did recently get a hobby which has kept me occupied, though my brain feels like it's slowly rotting so I don't think that will save me for much longer.

 

[Johnzaga23]

fear of the unknown. Im not religious but i have religious trauma. Im an atheist during the day and a theist during the night.

 

[Silmaril]

I still have some hope I guess. I have health issues that fluctuate, I can get treatments that help for a period and then I can feel useful again and not a burden but when between treatments I can barely move, and need a lot of help.

I've always known / been of the mindset that I will choose my time, but when that time will be I'm not wholly sure.... Perhaps when I can no longer work and provide (fortunate to have a well paid job I can do despite being physically disabled)... Perhaps before then, if I decide to do something for myself rather than choosing to miss busses for the benefit of others.