Ever since I was a child, I've been told that I am sensitive. I cried. A lot. I still cry. A lot.
I feel like I've been mentally ill for a really, really long time for a variety of reasons, but I just started to receive professional help (around this time last year). Yet...I've been very, very inconsistent.
So far, I've been diagnosed with PTSD (and mood disorder, I guess? I don't know if it's a real disorder. It's like when I was in the military and they diagnosed me with adjustment disorder. Y'know?), but that's it.
When I talked to my psychiatrist for the first time, he said I have a lot of similarities to someone with BPD, and I agree, but he didn't diagnose me with it. He might've diagnosed me with it if I were consistent with scheduling/attending appointments, but...
I don't want to go to the doctor. I don't want to take my pills. I've been prescribed sertraline (150mg), quetiapine (200mg), hydroxyzine (25mg? 50mg? I can't remember. I haven't taken them yet.), and prazosin (2mg). I don't want to do anything. All I want to do is feel good, but I know that's impossible.
People say I'm autistic. I've been made fun of for being 'retarded'. I don't know if I'm autistic or neurodivergent or whatever. I feel like I am, but, like I said, I just started receiving professional help. Even so, I don't take it.
I know there's a lot, like, a lot wrong with me. It just hasn't been diagnosed yet. I know y'all can't diagnose me, but, like I said, I don't want to go to a doctor. Eventually I will, but...not right now.
Honestly, I just want to know why I'm so sensitive. I'm going to sound like a toddler, but I feel like I'm not getting what I want (as in attention) and it's making me upset. I'm withdrawing, but being alone is making me more upset. Now, I feel like everyone is mad at me. I don't want people to be mad at me; I want people to be in love with me. I want people to fight over me. I'm silly.
Regardless...this is a true vent of mine. Usually, my writing is much more shorter, concise, and structured, but I decided to let it flow, I guess.
I feel like I've been mentally ill for a really, really long time for a variety of reasons, but I just started to receive professional help (around this time last year). Yet...I've been very, very inconsistent.
So far, I've been diagnosed with PTSD (and mood disorder, I guess? I don't know if it's a real disorder. It's like when I was in the military and they diagnosed me with adjustment disorder. Y'know?), but that's it.
When I talked to my psychiatrist for the first time, he said I have a lot of similarities to someone with BPD, and I agree, but he didn't diagnose me with it. He might've diagnosed me with it if I were consistent with scheduling/attending appointments, but...
I don't want to go to the doctor. I don't want to take my pills. I've been prescribed sertraline (150mg), quetiapine (200mg), hydroxyzine (25mg? 50mg? I can't remember. I haven't taken them yet.), and prazosin (2mg). I don't want to do anything. All I want to do is feel good, but I know that's impossible.
People say I'm autistic. I've been made fun of for being 'retarded'. I don't know if I'm autistic or neurodivergent or whatever. I feel like I am, but, like I said, I just started receiving professional help. Even so, I don't take it.
I know there's a lot, like, a lot wrong with me. It just hasn't been diagnosed yet. I know y'all can't diagnose me, but, like I said, I don't want to go to a doctor. Eventually I will, but...not right now.
Honestly, I just want to know why I'm so sensitive. I'm going to sound like a toddler, but I feel like I'm not getting what I want (as in attention) and it's making me upset. I'm withdrawing, but being alone is making me more upset. Now, I feel like everyone is mad at me. I don't want people to be mad at me; I want people to be in love with me. I want people to fight over me. I'm silly.
Regardless...this is a true vent of mine. Usually, my writing is much more shorter, concise, and structured, but I decided to let it flow, I guess.
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