While Wanting To CTB, What's The One Thing You Still Take Care of?

[itsmeagain]

I've been really horrible recently. I don't care about how my room looks, what I eat, where I throw my garbage (if nobody is around, I don't want to get yelled at), what I do, almost anything. I take care of my work to not look suspicious, but the one thing I take care of on my own is eating. Two weeks after someone really fucked me over, I couldn't taste food. For two weeks.

So... I still eat food. I don't really care what I eat, but sometimes it feels nice. Even that goes away sometimes though.

Even if it's just small things. Do you still go to the bathroom? Drink water? Go to work? Pay your bills?

Nothing is too small, and doing these small things doesn't invalidate you.

 

[Pryras]

Honestly just my job, and not wanting to cause complications for my boss. Probably the only person I've met irl who genuinely cares about me and respects me. Even when I'm suicidal I go to work everyday, get my job done and go home to suffering. Even when I decide to finally CTB I will do it on my vacation days / time off.

Other than that, I'm not too concerned for my own wellbeing or health. Eating poorly rn and not worrying about how clean my room is.

 

[itsmeagain]

Honestly just my job, and not wanting to cause complications for my boss. Probably the only person I've met irl who genuinely cares about me and respects me. Even when I'm suicidal I go to work everyday, get my job done and go home to suffering. Even when I decide to finally CTB I will do it on my vacation days / time off.

Other than that, I'm not too concerned for my own wellbeing or health. Eating poorly rn and not worrying about how clean my room is.

I completely understand sweetheart. It's really difficult, I'm really happy that you have someone you care about so deeply.

 

[Nem]

I'm just working and trying to keep things looking reasonable without giving away the fact that I am locked into suicide mode daily
Peace/hugs

 

[your pathologist]

Although i struggle greatly to produce worthy content i try to continue my school work. It's the last thing i haven't fucked up...

 

[Otter]

All of them that I'm physically able to do, which is not a lot. I'm not out to burn any bridges just in case my plans fail, I don't want to be left in a more difficult place then I began.

 

[medicore]

I second what otter said. I still take care to bathe every now and then, and I try to attend school. I just want to graduate just in case something changes and I'm locked out of reliable ctb. I guess you could say I'm pussyfooting. Besides that, I don't really care about much. You could say that I also really care about my dog, so he's something I think about pretty often too.

 

[itsmeagain]

All of them that I'm physically able to do, which is not a lot. I'm not out to burn any bridges just in case my plans fail, I don't want to be left in a more difficult place then I began.

I completely understand. I'm the same exact way.

I second what otter said. I still take care to bathe every now and then, and I try to attend school. I just want to graduate just in case something changes and I'm locked out of reliable ctb. I guess you could say I'm pussyfooting. Besides that, I don't really care about much. You could say that I also really care about my dog, so he's something I think about pretty often too.

You're in the same position as me then, hahaha.

 

[Pryras]

I completely understand sweetheart. It's really difficult, I'm really happy that you have someone you care about so deeply.

Ive worked under some pretty terrible management before but he's just a beacon of empathy (lost his daughter to suicide) and is very hyper aware of your emotions. Despite knowing next to nothing about my personal life you can tell he cares, we need more people like that.

 

[Indieblue]

I've been really horrible recently. I don't care about how my room looks, what I eat, where I throw my garbage (if nobody is around, I don't want to get yelled at), what I do, almost anything. I take care of my work to not look suspicious, but the one thing I take care of on my own is eating. Two weeks after someone really fucked me over, I couldn't taste food. For two weeks.

So... I still eat food. I don't really care what I eat, but sometimes it feels nice. Even that goes away sometimes though.

Even if it's just small things. Do you still go to the bathroom? Drink water? Go to work? Pay your bills?

Nothing is too small, and doing these small things doesn't invalidate you.

Privacy after i die While i am alive too. Forgot to mention, haha.

 

[Ghost2211]

I still take care of everyone around me, and I still keep up my workload in the house. I still do all my responsibilities because I can't stop doing them. Everyone around me depends on me, and everyone uses me as a point of stability. Like Therapist likes to tell me that I have a unique ability to function at a completely normal level regardless of hitting rock-bottom. Maybe that's why I'm so tired I just can't ever stop.

 

[highlyvolatile]

I'm gonna get a job or something long enough for my folks to leave me the hell alone about it. Im also seeing a counselor soon. But i try to get up and interact with my family long enough for them to think im okay and not lie in bed all day. I dont always care for myself like i should, but im doing a lil more than i did before.

 

[Largeletters]

Work, though sometimes I can't get out of bed to show up, I try. I've missed about 6 days(?) in total of overtime breaks, excused times because of appointments, and missed days since the end of January I believe. Still, I try to show up and do well there as much as I can.

 

[Mr2005]

My girlfriends needs

 

[nbn]

I have been applying for PhD positions even though i am sure that i will ctb before i complete it. I also take utmost care about my nutrition, otherwise i will get the disease which i am most afraid of

 

[reesespiecesaregood]

I don't work and stopped trying to look for jobs since my date is approaching, but I convinced my family I'm interviewing.

In the last month I've probably showered like 4 times, don't really go anywhere other than to see my grandmother. I stopped caring about my appearance and let myself gain like 20 lbs in the last few months, so overall, not much tbh.

I'm a recent college grad who lives at home so I'm lucky (I guess) to not really have many obligations. If I had a pet or kids or people who relied on me I'm sure I'd take better care of them than myself right now.

I haven't kept up with friendships or relationships other than the few family members I'm forced to see/want to see before I go.

I did brush my teeth this morning, so that's ...something. lol

 

[Deformationalplagio]

My music i guess been producing for 8 years its my way of coping and translating my feelings im also building a youtube channel so i can warn parents about the consequences of plagiocephaly before i leave, im gonna make a short movie about it etc and ofcourse my 3 cats love them

 

[toska]

I save all my energy for looking after the pets, making sure they are fed, watered, walked, played with and petted. I make sure they are happy and comfortable but the rest of my life isn't really attended to, don't eat right, wash or sleep much, or keep my space clean. But yeh, deffo put all my energy into making sure they are safe and content.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

I still go grocery shopping, keep the house clean, cook and eat a large breakfast everyday and try to go on long walks if I can.

I don't work and stopped trying to look for jobs since my date is approaching, but I convinced my family I'm interviewing.

In the last month I've probably showered like 4 times, don't really go anywhere other than to see my grandmother. I stopped caring about my appearance and let myself gain like 20 lbs in the last few months, so overall, not much tbh.

I'm a recent college grad who lives at home so I'm lucky (I guess) to not really have many obligations. If I had a pet or kids or people who relied on me I'm sure I'd take better care of them than myself right now.

I haven't kept up with friendships or relationships other than the few family members I'm forced to see/want to see before I go.

I did brush my teeth this morning, so that's ...something. lol

Aren't you afraid you won't be able to go through with it and then having to explain that to everyone? I'm also jobless right now and have to lie to everyone. I'm even scared one of my family members will offer me one. But for me it's also that I will run out of money and I have no real qualifications for a job so only minimum wage shit prospects for me.

 

[Largeletters]

I don't work and stopped trying to look for jobs since my date is approaching, but I convinced my family I'm interviewing.

In the last month I've probably showered like 4 times, don't really go anywhere other than to see my grandmother. I stopped caring about my appearance and let myself gain like 20 lbs in the last few months, so overall, not much tbh.

I'm a recent college grad who lives at home so I'm lucky (I guess) to not really have many obligations. If I had a pet or kids or people who relied on me I'm sure I'd take better care of them than myself right now.

I haven't kept up with friendships or relationships other than the few family members I'm forced to see/want to see before I go.

I did brush my teeth this morning, so that's ...something. lol

Hey, I struggle a lot with brushing my teeth, especially at night, just because I choose to fall asleep and not care since I'll be CTBing soon, or I tell myself that, anyway. I've paid the price since not only are my teeth pretty crooked (I've had people ask me if I was british or just say my teeth are fucked up to my face) but they're almost permanently yellow from not caring for years. I applaud you on that!

 

[reesespiecesaregood]

I still go grocery shopping, keep the house clean, cook and eat a large breakfast everyday and try to go on long walks if I can.

Aren't you afraid you won't be able to go through with it and then having to explain that to everyone? I'm also jobless right now and have to lie to everyone. I'm even scared one of my family members will offer me one. But for me it's also that I will run out of money and I have no real qualifications for a job so only minimum wage shit prospects for me.

Well there's really no doubt in my mind that I'll be going through with it. But if for some reason I chicken out, are you asking if I'd have to explain failing? Or not having a job?

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

My hygiene, hair & household.

 

[highlyvolatile]

I don't work and stopped trying to look for jobs since my date is approaching, but I convinced my family I'm interviewing.

In the last month I've probably showered like 4 times, don't really go anywhere other than to see my grandmother. I stopped caring about my appearance and let myself gain like 20 lbs in the last few months, so overall, not much tbh.

I'm a recent college grad who lives at home so I'm lucky (I guess) to not really have many obligations. If I had a pet or kids or people who relied on me I'm sure I'd take better care of them than myself right now.

I haven't kept up with friendships or relationships other than the few family members I'm forced to see/want to see before I go.

I did brush my teeth this morning, so that's ...something. lol

yooo im a recent grad who's doing pretty much the same thing! .. that's all id wanted to say.. lol

 

[Lost4toolong]

I still eat. But just the ramens i hoarded so i wouldnt have to leave my home again.

 

[reesespiecesaregood]

yooo im a recent grad who's doing pretty much the same thing! .. that's all id wanted to say.. lol

:D woo! glad I'm not the only one hahah. How recently did you graduate?

 

[highlyvolatile]

:D woo! glad I'm not the only one hahah. How recently did you graduate?

december was when id graduated. life outside of school sucks hard

 

[waterbottleman]

Usually I'm a cleanly person but my god, the past month has gone by with me utterly not caring about keeping things clean (except for my bathroom).

My apartment is a disaster, especially my kitchen. I really need to clean it but I just lack the energy to.

I also used to dress really well, eat healthy, and have a strict skin care and grooming routine, things I've all thrown away. I've also gained 20 lbs in like a month cause I've been eating so much crap not giving a fuck since I'm sure I'm gonna ctb soon anyway.

However I need to clean my apartment and go back to my grooming routine. When I die I want to look nice and I want my apartment to be clean with all my stuff packed up so the alive people can easily take the stuff outta my apartment.

 

[reesespiecesaregood]

december was when id graduated. life outside of school sucks hard

Yea I feel the same way. I feel like I was constantly distracted in college and now I'm forced to face the shit I've been avoiding or didn't even realize about myself. I'm not likin' it :(

I also used to dress really well, eat healthy, and have a strict skin care and grooming routine, things I've all thrown away. I've also gained 20 lbs in like a month cause I've been eating so much crap not giving a fuck since I'm sure I'm gonna ctb soon anyway.

yuuuuup on the money

 

[LMLN]

I keep up with responsibilities for everything and everybody. Then I fall into a heap at night and drink to deal with all the stress from the daytime. I stay around for everyone else. All the time struggling with thoughts of ctb with lots of guilt.

 

[Isittimetogonola]

I keep up with responsibilities for everything and everybody. Then I fall into a heap at night and drink to deal with all the stress from the daytime. I stay around for everyone else. All the time struggling with thoughts of ctb with lots of guilt.

You are definitely not alone..I can completely empathize. ❤