It is all torturous and dreadful to me, I'll personally always suffer as long as I'm conscious in this existence, I find existence to be the most cruel, futile burden that just brings and causes so much suffering all for the sake of it and I'd never wish for any of this, non-existence really is all that can bring me any peace and is all I'll hope for as long as I'm trapped in this reality just waiting to die anyway, existence itself will always be the true problem to me as after all it's the source of all suffering. I personally just want to never suffer ever again, I'd always prefer to not exist than suffer in this existence all for the sake of it where there is no limit as to how much agony one can feel just to be tortured by old age and die anyway, existing to me is only suffering and I find it so tragic how this existence was imposed at all, I always suffer so much from being denied the option to peacefully cease existing and never exist ever again.