Sister of the Moon
Student
- Dec 17, 2021
- 188
I just wanted to make a post to tell of an experience I've had from both sides of the coin.
I've had suicidal ideation most of my life. Never attempted, never self-harmed. Frequently wished I was dead, wanted to die, have the means to do it if it ever comes to that, and I hope it doesn't. I want to get better and I have made progress.
I've recently come out of a relationship of two years (known each other all our lives) and whilst I kept my own suicidal ideation secret, it turned out he was also suicidal and often said he intended to take his life. Both being very vulnerable, wounded, damaged people, our triggers kept coming to the surface. Since I have never openly talked of or threatened suicide to any loved ones, his doing so made me think he was serious and I fell into a trap where I couldn't leave due to the fear of him coming to some harm, and the paranoia of being implicated somehow.
When he talked of it, I found myself trying to comfort him, told him I have often felt that way and his feelings were valid. I could not cope with his other behaviours and felt obliged to try and help him get better. I felt stuck. Knowing I loved him so much and yet could not stay to be emotionally abused.
The relationship has taken several months to fully break contact, but it has now. I am rebuilding my life without him and I feel sick to the stomach that he is left to his chosen fate which can only end badly. He's slowly killing himself with copious amounts of alcohol, so one way or another he will destroy himself.
I've had suicidal ideation most of my life. Never attempted, never self-harmed. Frequently wished I was dead, wanted to die, have the means to do it if it ever comes to that, and I hope it doesn't. I want to get better and I have made progress.
I've recently come out of a relationship of two years (known each other all our lives) and whilst I kept my own suicidal ideation secret, it turned out he was also suicidal and often said he intended to take his life. Both being very vulnerable, wounded, damaged people, our triggers kept coming to the surface. Since I have never openly talked of or threatened suicide to any loved ones, his doing so made me think he was serious and I fell into a trap where I couldn't leave due to the fear of him coming to some harm, and the paranoia of being implicated somehow.
When he talked of it, I found myself trying to comfort him, told him I have often felt that way and his feelings were valid. I could not cope with his other behaviours and felt obliged to try and help him get better. I felt stuck. Knowing I loved him so much and yet could not stay to be emotionally abused.
The relationship has taken several months to fully break contact, but it has now. I am rebuilding my life without him and I feel sick to the stomach that he is left to his chosen fate which can only end badly. He's slowly killing himself with copious amounts of alcohol, so one way or another he will destroy himself.
