I was planning on this weekend but now I've lost some of my confidence. On top of tons of other things which already brought me to the point of buying sn, I'm now getting harassed in 4 out of the 4 college courses I'm taking because of a nervous habit I recently picked up which is literally impossible for me to stop doing. If I can't get a doctor to prescribe me the medicine I want to stop it there's a chance it'll happen this weekend, and a much larger chance it'll happen sometime later in the semester. I imagine the students calling me a freak and talking about how annoyed they are by something I physically can't stop will only continue to get more and more annoyed over the semester. I can imagine during an exam one of them will be really upset and maybe say something to me or the professor after class.
I'm planning on making it a thing at my college. I'm going to lock myself in a single bathroom in the middle of the night, turn on the shower to block the noise I make, take my sn, and only after I've drank my sn I'll anonymously post a suicide note on my college's reddit page (if anyone here thinks I'm at risk of getting discovered because I posted the note I can just use a VPN). Once I die the university will post a statement that I died and it won't matter that I posted it anonymously. I know tons of people from my college will say I only did it for attention (as if it's common that people end a perfectly good life just for attention). I'm not exactly streaming my suicide so the college can see, I'm not doing it out of revenge and I'm not even sure if I'll mention the harassment I received because I wouldn't want that weighing on those people's consciences for the rest of their lives. Or maybe I won't post the note. I'm sure many will still call me a freak (it's a big frat and sorority college.)