Story When I woke up this morning I thought to myself “I’ve already fasted for 8 hours….”

[nomoredolor]

When I woke up this morning I thought to myself that I had already fasted for 8 hours. I could just take my SN now and be done with it all. (My plan thus far has been to try to stay alive until late Fall.) it was so tempting. Then I reminded myself that Jesse's funeral is coming up in a couple weeks and I must be alive to see it. And at the same time is when I'll be watching cats for a friend while they're out of town. I simply cannot abandon helpless kitties. So I talked myself out of it.

My grief and pain is such that I just want to join Jesse in death and not suffer anymore. But I'm trying to stay alive a bit longer because:
- a family member close to me is having a baby this summer and I want to be there for them and meet their spawn
- MCR concert
- siblings' birthdays right after
- the extra days I stay are gifts from me to my loved ones and it allows for the possibility of life improvement. Although I've wanted to die for nearly 20 years

I'm trying so hard to stay longer. While simultaneously plugging away at after death plans. I am working on a comprehensive notification list now with contact information so my loved ones will have it at their fingertips.

Thanks for reading,
Anna

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

Note that your stomach slows down from laying down and sleeping, so it would't have as much effect as fasting 8 hours awake. It's still probably enough fasting anyways because I think the 8 hours recommendation is overkill.

It's hard to wait when we're in pain and eager to escape it, but we also want to stick around longer for other people. Hope that goes well for you.

 

[nomoredolor]

Note that your stomach slows down from laying down and sleeping, so it would't have as much effect as fasting 8 hours awake. It's still probably enough fasting anyways because I think the 8 hours recommendation is overkill.

It's hard to wait when we're in pain and eager to escape it, but we also want to stick around longer for other people. Hope that goes well for you.

Oh this is super helpful information thank you. It is hard. Hugs