When did you realize there is no happy ending?

[tieiwi]

I realized this month actually. Was reading through something I wrote a while ago talking about what I wanted for my future. My past self had a lot of hope for me now. Reading that and realizing I wasnt anywhere near close to that dream really put things into perspective. That "hope" was just a coping mechanism because I wasn't able to handle the truth about my life and that it won't amount to much. Or might've been SI who knows

 

[eternalmelancholy]

I realized this month actually. Was reading through something I wrote a while ago talking about what I wanted for my future. My past self had a lot of hope for me now. Reading that and realizing I wasnt anywhere near close to that dream really put things into perspective. That "hope" was just a coping mechanism because I wasn't able to handle the truth about my life and that it won't amount to much. Or might've been SI who knows

When I look back I cringe at how naive I was. Hope is one thing but delusion is something else entirely. It is only now that I can recognize how hard I was coping and how much I was escaping reality.

It was always going to end up this way. Either suicide, homeless or institutionalized. Out of the three options suicide seems the best. It sucks life has driven me to the point of suicide but there is nothing I can do about it now. I am sick of fighting. I give up.

 

[GentleJerk]

Hope must be a part of the SI, and I'm sure it usually serves a useful function. Even when dealing with something that has no chance of improving, like a chronic incurable illness that is only going to get worse, hope has a funny way of popping up and distracting you from thinking about the harsh reality of the future.

It can produce moments of blissful ignorance, or coping. In a moment of being distracted from an awful situation, one forgets how unbearable it is until the focus inevitably shifts back.

OK, a lot of the time things may seem more hopeless than they really are, or it can be hard to determine the value of hope and likelihood of imrovement... But when the situation is truly inescapable, hope acts like a psychological opioid that temporarily masks a growing pain and eventually becomes ineffective. This can leave you in even more pain due to a delay in taking actions.

In the realm of ctb, especially with debilitating disease or illness- It takes considerable strength and effort for a person to accept when this hope is certainly a delusion, and might be preventing them from taking the necessary steps to arrange for a more acceptable/painless outcome.

 

[tieiwi]

When I look back I cringe at how naive I was. Hope is one thing but delusion is something else entirely. It is only now that I can recognize how hard I was coping and how much I was escaping reality.

It was always going to end up this way. Either suicide, homeless or institutionalized. Out of the three options suicide seems the best. It sucks life has driven me to the point of suicide but there is nothing I can do about it now. I am sick of fighting. I give up.

Yep I was definitely trying to escape reality and create this "perfect life" in my mind. I tried to make myself think it was easily obtainable. But as time is going by I'm starting to realize my life will be hard. I don't want to deal with that so I see suicide as my only answer as well. I don't care if it sounds stupid I genuinely don't have the energy to go through anything else. I feel your pain and I'm really sorry, I wish you the best :)

 

[Istanbulite]

When did you realize no one is coming to rescue you, that this is just the way life is? I've been engaged in a lengthy legal battle over medical bills. Recently the courts decided to rule against me. I am completely ruined financially. The timing is impeccable since my work contract ends in December and it looks like my employer is not going to renew it.

I think this is just the universe telling me it is time to finally let go. It is such a bitter realization knowing that I have completely squandered away the one chance you get at life. What an unceremonious end to a wretched life.

good post

 

[nixdeath]

I must've been 8 or some age around there, and I remember thinking how much I hated school and how much I would hate working. Felt like things would only get worse and more stressful from then on. I was right.