Whats your story ?

[Alonelyuser]

What triggered you guys to the suicidal stage ? I'm just curios I know everyone may not be comfortable with sharing they're story which is okay just wanna see if whether I can relate to some of you or not. Plus I've always been a good listener.

 

[Lra888]

Mood disorder. Chronic depression and anxiety. All of the terrible effects these things have had upon my ability to have a decent life. Also several horrible life events recently that I cannot recover from. Feeling so awful has left me isolated from people because I cannot relate.

I've accepted the fact that exiting is the only way that I can improve my situation of being in constant pain. I feel content with my choice.

 

[Alonelyuser]

Mood disorder. Chronic depression and anxiety. All of the terrible effects these things have had upon my ability to have a decent life. Also several horrible life events recently that I cannot recover from. Feeling so awful has left me isolated from people because I cannot relate.

I've accepted the fact that exiting is the only way that I can improve my situation of being in constant pain. I feel content with my choice.

Same life is such a constant struggle everyday I can definitely relate to you especially on the anxiety and depression those two things have and will always be my biggest struggle.

 

[Lra888]

Same life is such a constant struggle everyday I can definitely relate to you especially on the anxiety and depression those two things have and will always be my biggest struggle.

Yes it makes having an acceptable life nearly impossible. Every thought and interaction is poisoned by it.

 

[Pipe11]

I failed myself in life, I failed and dissapointed everybody who loved me. I specially failed my eldest brother, my tiny sister, my friends, my TRUE and unique love, my parents. But knowing that during this process I failed myself, my dreams, my life objectives, everything I dreamed when I was a child, and there is not chance ro recover those dreams lost. That pain broke my soul. And hurts a lot. I had everything I wanted in my life and I ruined everything.

I have fear to die, to kill myself, due I bealive in God. But I can't live. I don't have any feelings to live... I'm struggling with this for years...

Thank you for reading.

 

[Lra888]

I failed myself in life, I failed and dissapointed everybody who loved me. I specially failed my eldest brother, my tiny sister, my friends, my TRUE and unique love, my parents. But knowing that during this process I failed myself, my dreams, my life objectives, everything I dreamed when I was a child, and there is not chance ro recover those dreams lost. That pain broke my soul. And hurts a lot. I had everything I wanted in my life and I ruined everything.

I have fear to die, to kill myself, due I bealive in God. But I can't live. I don't have any feelings to live... I'm struggling with this for years...

Thank you for reading.

Thank you for sharing. I feel this very much. Life goes irreversibly wrong and it's too painful to continue.

 

[TengoK]

Complete and utter, desperate, soul-destroying loneliness that's driven me to the point of madness, mainly.

 

[IG959]

I was abused as a child and have been through a lot as an adult. Pretty much anything you can imagine has probably happened at some point. I don't think I've ever been happy, I first tried to hurt/kill my self at 5/6 so it's been going on for a long time now. There are times that I enjoy life but it never lasts long and the reminders that this isn't for me are always there, but to say I've ever been truly happy would be hard. I'll never live a normal life without the constant reminder

 

[Alonelyuser]

I was abused as a child and have been through a lot as an adult. Pretty much anything you can imagine has probably happened at some point. I don't think I've ever been happy, I first tried to hurt/kill my self at 5/6 so it's been going on for a long time now. There are times that I enjoy life but it never lasts long and the reminders that this isn't for me are always there, but to say I've ever been truly happy would be hard. I'll never live a normal life without the constant reminder

That is so sad nobody deserves to be abuse especially at such a young age for you to want to hurt yourself at only 5 years old thats wow.. I can relate to you a lot I can't remember the last time I was even happy I try so hard to fit in and try to be normal but i need to come to realize that its never gonna happen for me. Its sad to see others feel the same way wouldn't wish this type of pain on no one.

 

[Alonelyuser]

Complete and utter, desperate, soul-destroying loneliness that's driven me to the point of madness, mainly.

Im to am very lonely its gotten so bad that its normal at this point which is so sad because its also depressing. I understand exactly how you feel trust me.

 

[Alonelyuser]

Yes it makes having an acceptable life nearly impossible. Every thought and interaction is poisoned by it.

Couldn't agree more

 

[Alonelyuser]

I failed myself in life, I failed and dissapointed everybody who loved me. I specially failed my eldest brother, my tiny sister, my friends, my TRUE and unique love, my parents. But knowing that during this process I failed myself, my dreams, my life objectives, everything I dreamed when I was a child, and there is not chance ro recover those dreams lost. That pain broke my soul. And hurts a lot. I had everything I wanted in my life and I ruined everything.

I have fear to die, to kill myself, due I bealive in God. But I can't live. I don't have any feelings to live... I'm struggling with this for years...

Thank you for reading.

Wow its like you took the words I been reaching to saying right out my mouth I'm so hurt and angry that I fail those who try and help me. I ruin everything its like I'm cursed or filled with a bad luck potion no matter how hard I try everything seems to still always go so wrong thats why I'm always left alone in the end. I come from a christian background so I can understand on the god part but I've come to realize that I don't know what to believe anymore and I hate that I feel that way I really do.

 

[Voldmort]

I failed myself in life, I failed and dissapointed everybody who loved me. I specially failed my eldest brother, my tiny sister, my friends, my TRUE and unique love.
Thank you for reading.

I think that too! :(

I was abused as a child and have been through a lot as an adult. Pretty much anything you can imagine has probably happened at some point. I don't think I've ever been happy, I first tried to hurt/kill my self at 5/6 so it's been going on for a long time now. There are times that I enjoy life but it never lasts long and the reminders that this isn't for me are always there, but to say I've ever been truly happy would be hard. I'll never live a normal life without the constant reminder

Im sorry! that is horrible

 

[ParamitePie]

Someone really close to me died as a child, and I was supposed to be with them when it happened. That fact always stuck in my head, like I was somehow supposed to die that day. I suffered from depression thereon out, was constantly moving schools and would often get socially ostracized and bullied. This convinced me not to make any lasting relationships with anyone and as a result of numerous factors, I had a mental breakdown when I was a teenager and just kind of gave up on life. I realized that I had no dreams, or hopes, or goals, or ambitions, and just let others push me where they wanted me to go. I never put in any effort and always self-sabotaged, failing at practically everything in life and disappointing everyone along the way, until I decided I'd had enough of living like some defective automaton. I guess the key factor was knowing someone who felt the same way for several years and went through with it. They just made it seem somehow realistic and achievable to me.

 

[undertherainbow]

I have about 26 years of fuckery, so here's some cliffsnotes
-grew up in a religious cult around a lot of grown men who wanted to marry me...when I was a child/very young adult
-both of my parents are narcissists
-my dad honestly believes that he could fly into people's houses at night thanks to God
-mom blamed me when I was 4 after being molested
-she did have the decency to teach me how to act around the pedophiles in their stupid cult
-because of this fuckery I was on drugs for most of my teen years, but was lucky enough to clean up before college
-in college, cue 1 rape, abusive boyfriends, suicide attempts and more fuckery
-after college my neighbors stalked me, robbed me and I had to sleep with my gun and a hammer under my pillow until they were busted for drugs
-now recently I gave birth to my dead baby in my bathroom and now I have PTSD.

 

[Alonelyuser]

Someone really close to me died as a child, and I was supposed to be with them when it happened. That fact always stuck in my head, like I was somehow supposed to die that day. I suffered from depression thereon out, was constantly moving schools and would often get socially ostracized and bullied. This convinced me not to make any lasting relationships with anyone and as a result of numerous factors, I had a mental breakdown when I was a teenager and just kind of gave up on life. I realized that I had no dreams, or hopes, or goals, or ambitions, and just let others push me where they wanted me to go. I never put in any effort and always self-sabotaged, failing at practically everything in life and disappointing everyone along the way, until I decided I'd had enough of living like some defective automaton. I guess the key factor was knowing someone who felt the same way for several years and went through with it. They just made it seem somehow realistic and achievable to me.

Wow as me being a teen I know exactly how you feel I've been bullied about things I can't even control. My life I always been the odd one out and I'm not good at making friendships or having social bonds cause I just feel like everyone out to get me. I'm so sorry that you lost someone so close to you as a child this world is so weird it really works in mysterious ways. i wish the best for you I really do hopefully we all find our way some day.

 

[Alonelyuser]

I have about 26 years of fuckery, so here's some cliffsnotes
-grew up in a religious cult around a lot of grown men who wanted to marry me...when I was a child/very young adult
-both of my parents are narcissists
-my dad honestly believes that he could fly into people's houses at night thanks to God
-mom blamed me when I was 4 after being molested
-she did have the decency to teach me how to act around the pedophiles in their stupid cult
-because of this fuckery I was on drugs for most of my teen years, but was lucky enough to clean up before college
-in college, cue 1 rape, abusive boyfriends, suicide attempts and more fuckery
-after college my neighbors stalked me, robbed me and I had to sleep with my gun and a hammer under my pillow until they were busted for drugs
-now recently I gave birth to my dead baby in my bathroom and now I have PTSD.

Oh my gosh I'm so sorry I will never understand why people choose to blame us women for why we were raped that is so sick. Nobody deserves that type of hurt or pain. Im so sorry about the loss of your child your story just brings tears to my eyes. people in this cruel world are so sick what you went through should of never happened I hope and wish the best for you if you ever need someone to talk to I'm here I can relate to a lot.

 

[Throwaway563078]

What triggered you guys to the suicidal stage ? I'm just curios I know everyone may not be comfortable with sharing they're story which is okay just wanna see if whether I can relate to some of you or not. Plus I've always been a good listener.

Many reasons. I've been thinking about suicide for over a decade, so around 13/14 is when my depression and suicidal fantasies started(hopefully they'll not be just a fantasy anymore). It's basically mentally, socially and environmental.

Abused as a kid emotionally and molestation. I've have anxiety, drdp, and disassociated as long as I can remember. I would have panic attacks and not sleep well at night. Grew up with a narcissistic parent. Also have depression and a personality disorder. So mental issues alone are a big bulk of why I'm suicidal

Socially I never fit in, I just don't really know why, or what is wrong with me. It really hurts, the loneliness

Environmentally, the culture /region/religion and family I am with, a male dominated society, few rights as a female and having to pretend I agree with them doesn't help.

I feel pretty weak and I wish I could just suck it all up(lots of people have it worse) and be alright. But I've been struggling for a very long time. It unfortunately doesn't get better and in fact in the near future will probably get worse for me.

 

[planktoplank]

My anxiety and lonelieness feelings. I tried to make a friend in grade school and realized I was always too energeticand weird about it. Got friends but I felt like they hated and pitied me anddddd i also knew its not true. I made a pro con list and realized there were more pros than cons but another part me was like no this cant be right. I went home and my mom wasnt drunk for once and I wanted to ask her to stop drinking. I wanted support and love. I was afraid to ask because maybe I was asking too much of my mom...a single mom... no support. I felt like I was too much or too little for people. I had love in my life and I felt so alone. I couldnt handle it so I was about 11 and tied a plastic bag around my head because I couldnt socialize without my brain running a billion places and my heart feeling empty.

 

[IG959]

I think that too! :(




Im sorry! that is horrible

It's okay, thank you

 

[Wantingpeace]

I struggled before but am totally lobotomised from antidepressant is like my whole self is missing from brain and no outside world either..totally unlivable..I gave it three years like this

 

[undertherainbow]

Oh my gosh I'm so sorry I will never understand why people choose to blame us women for why we were raped that is so sick. Nobody deserves that type of hurt or pain. Im so sorry about the loss of your child your story just brings tears to my eyes. people in this cruel world are so sick what you went through should of never happened I hope and wish the best for you if you ever need someone to talk to I'm here I can relate to a lot.

Thank you. I just wished I was fully ready to ctb. My last therapist was right, I'm fucked

 

[406blue]

Struggling with anxiety and depression and existential isolation. Constant fear of being rejected or loved. The feeling that there is nothing that can be done about it, some energy though to see it through. Comparing myself with everyone i knew, who had real lives and lived, made relationships etc and all that self pity bullshit.

8 years ago i moved to france where i could buy a ruined house for not much money and at least try to get something going and it worked. I made a small business in the same place, stayed off the alc and drugs for the most part and felt balanced. People helped me and i felt included in something. There was a big garden which i turned into a paradise, there were a couple of neighbours but it was peaceful. So it became my reason to exist, like a kind of surrogate relationship i expect. I didn't understand this at the time. Everything in that house i made myself. I bought a treetrunk, had it sawn up. kept it in the garden for 2 years and eventually made a kitchen from it. Every day i would go round the garden and look at how the things changed, like if new flowers had come up or for different insect coming and going, i started keeping bees.

18 months ago i got new neighbours 50 metres away. They left every day between 9 and 5 and their dogs 2 alsations, barked non fucking stop. I tried every possible way to get something done about it but it just went on and on for 5 months 5 days a week for 8 hours. After 2 weeks of it i was wearing ear defenders all day and it carried on like this for months while i finished the work on the house. Took to the alc and drugs again, got isolated etc etc

Turned out that my friends didn't really give a shit that i was having a breakdown and wanted above all to have juicy details to talk about amongst themselves.

Eventually i got someone to buy it who came round by luck when it was quiet a couple of times and sold it for nothing. Long story short, something that was already a bit broken got totally broken. These things are complicated and there's never a single reason. If it hadn't been this it would have been something else i expect but anyway, there's your answer the catalyst.

 

[Anyara]

Im going to copy paste this from an earlier conversation cause it was asked before..

The reason I want to die is extensive to say the least.
From a young age I was growing up in a family of Jehovah's Witnessess. Which would have been fine if I would have agreed with their doctrine,Which sadly I didn't. Because well I am an atheist and more importantly a lesbian... And they hate homosexuals.. It made me surpress my ididenty for years in fear of losing my family. Till I finally met a girl who got me out of my Shell.
I got out of my Shell and my closet.. Which meant losing my family.. They disowned me on the spot.. And the girl? The devil incarnate..
She sold me to her Friends for sex whenever it suited her and got me addicted to drugs and alcohol. When I finally freed myself from her I went to rehab and tried to get my life in order.
Now I still suffer from personality disorders and can't have a normal day without me feeling utterly worthless.
Offcourse in the last couple off years a lot of things happened as well that tributed to my descision to die. Like having major liver surgery that removed 40% of it cause it was infested with tumors and it ruined the rest of my health and life.. I lost my job over it..

 

[Mr2005]

I'm not uncomfortable sharing my story at all I'm just sick of going over it again and again. It takes a lot to write it all out and usually no one gets it anyway. It's seen by only a few then someone else asks what happened only hours later so here we go again. I've taken to just copy and pasting what I've already written but I 'm not going to do that. It puts people off bothering to read it if I can't be bothered to write it. I'm the laziest basterd in the world

 

[deadprincess]

extensive trauma (prolonged trauma and also multiple single events), domestic abuse, i was molested when i was little multiple times, poverty, heartbreak, mental illness, physical illness, i'm trans/nonbinary and my parents don't support me

i've been suicidal since elementary school. i'm 23 now.

 

[Alonelyuser]

I'm not uncomfortable sharing my story at all I'm just sick of going over it again and again. It takes a lot to write it all out and usually no one gets it anyway. It's seen by only a few then someone else asks what happened only hours later so here we go again. I've taken to just copy and pasting what I've already written but I 'm not going to do that. It puts people off bothering to read it if I can't be bothered to write it. I'm the laziest basterd in the world

Agreed I wish I had the wisdom to share my story but its all over the place and I'm pretty sure nobody but me would be able to understand it anyways.

 

[Alonelyuser]

extensive trauma (prolonged trauma and also multiple single events), domestic abuse, i was molested when i was little multiple times, poverty, heartbreak, mental illness, physical illness, i'm trans/nonbinary and my parents don't support me

i've been suicidal since elementary school. i'm 23 now.

Wow thats is so horrible I'm so sorry nobody deserves that type of trauma in they're life

 

[Mr2005]

Agreed I wish I had the wisdom to share my story but its all over the place and I'm pretty sure nobody but me would be able to understand it anyways.

I'd give it a go

 

[Alonelyuser]

Im going to copy paste this from an earlier conversation cause it was asked before..

The reason I want to die is extensive to say the least.
From a young age I was growing up in a family of Jehovah's Witnessess. Which would have been fine if I would have agreed with their doctrine,Which sadly I didn't. Because well I am an atheist and more importantly a lesbian... And they hate homosexuals.. It made me surpress my ididenty for years in fear of losing my family. Till I finally met a girl who got me out of my Shell.
I got out of my Shell and my closet.. Which meant losing my family.. They disowned me on the spot.. And the girl? The devil incarnate..
She sold me to her Friends for sex whenever it suited her and got me addicted to drugs and alcohol. When I finally freed myself from her I went to rehab and tried to get my life in order.
Now I still suffer from personality disorders and can't have a normal day without me feeling utterly worthless.
Offcourse in the last couple off years a lot of things happened as well that tributed to my descision to die. Like having major liver surgery that removed 40% of it cause it was infested with tumors and it ruined the rest of my health and life.. I lost my job over it..

That is horrible I'm sorry about that I wish people could live they're life how they want to without being judge and hated. one of my biggest pet peeves are homophobic people. people should never feel they should have to hide who they are because this world is so cruel to understand that we can't all be the same and what that girl did to you is so sick. Sounds like you been through so much I'm so sorry.