What's your reason for signing up on sasu?

[Gl1tch3d G1rl]

No idea whether this has been made before, looked it up and didn't find anything so sorry in advance if I'm accidentally cloning someone elses thread.

So yeah, what's your reason for signing up on sasu?

 

[Agon321]

My main motivation was to find the optimal CTB method.
Of course I'm too much of a pussy to take the last step, so I still live in this lovely world.

 

[avalokitesvara]

To research methods and to have somewhere where discussing suicide openly and not with a default pro-life position isn't banned. It's one of my main interests as well as my goal.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

#1 Suicide methods , to find information on suicide methods to make my suicide more reliable . Then much farther down defeating my si. Nothing else really matters

When I think about my goals rationally I can see my suicide asap is more important by an octillion times. #2 goal is what can move me the fastest to my suicide. What some human does or says especially ones that don't know my Identity don't affect my goals : so that doesn't matter

still the same . nothing matters to me only my suicide asap and then the things that can affect my suicide asap. what someone posts will not affect that in 99% of the cases unless sources, how to do a method, or something that will defeat si, nothing else means anything at all

 

[Yume Nikki]

My breakup from my abusive ex was the final nail in the coffin for me. (Among other things such as severe childhood abuse, being stalked, losing friends etc.) I'm traveling to Poland again for the first time in 7-8 years to see my family and possibly say my final goodbyes if I can go through with it.

 

[Namelesa]

To figure out a way to ctb if I were to decide to go for that as well as vent my experiences with life and share my opinions and views of suicide without judgement. I also like supporting other people whether that be with staying alive or to ctb. I will say this website has helped me with lessening my feelings of emptiness and kinda gives me a sense of belonging and community some how? I didn't think that I would be interested in experiencing those feelings but I am glad this website exists and as shown these things to me.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I hit rock bottom, was totally desperate and depressed, lonely and I was close to an attempt. I don't remember what I searched for exactly but I I found SaSu quickly and I made an account the same night.

 

[mattoman]

I wanted to join to discuss about suicide freely without being judged since it seems to be hard with friends and such. Also people's methods and reasons interest me, not in a bad way though and I'm not here to judge, just curious.

 

[TennTrixie]

I was researching ways to CTB due to ongoing health issues. I didn't realize at first there would be this feature to talk to others about it.

 

[leloyon]

I originally signed up due to a mixture of frustration over how other places handle suicide and suicidal thoughts, and wanting to discuss methods. The latter is due to the fact that while I never posted, I lurked on 8chan's /suicide/ board and liked that there was a place where people could just discuss the methods on doing such a thing without people preaching to them, especially due to the fact that even places that talk about methods are usually just guides where the author has complete say. It is not a discussion, just a piece of writing, and thus there is no way to ask questions or offer criticism. As for the former, it's pointless venting in many places because people will just offer empty platitudes or advice that wouldn't really work for you, which lead to a lot of frustration in my life, so finding a place where I could discuss my problems without that yapping, and a place where one could actually discuss methods.
And since that day, I've grown to like this community a lot, so I stay, even if I barely have the energy to say anything half the time.

 

[noname223]

I signed up for hookers and cocaine. I was pretty disappointed when I realized this forum is mostly about suicide. Not sure why exactly I thought about drugs and sex workers. The marketing campaign from VICE, NYT and BBC was not rolled out when I registered I assume.

 

[GlassMoon]

Shortly before I signed up, I was feeling overwhelmed and helpless, losing hope that I would be able to solve my problems, and doubting that those who were supposed to support me were really seeing how much I was struggling. At the time I signed up, the pressure to CTB had lessened, but I still signed up to investigate CTB methods on one hand and also to use recovery methods on the other hand, to help me try to go through with my next attempt at fixing those problems before getting back to considering CTB.

 

[avoid]

Morbid curiosity and learning about various ways to end your life in case I ever decide to take mine. I'm also interested in doing light research on unconventional suicide methods particularly when someone asks about interesting ideas for a method. For example, fireworks or drinking gallons of water, both of which will likely result in needless suffering with virtually no chance of death.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I was hoping to find a suicide method that I could easily access though I mainly wanted a place to vent without dealing with any pro life shit. I used to be on reddit within the depression memes and suicide watch sub and I felt like the people there were too pro life and different to me. I wanted a better place than that and here it is

 

[imnotsurewhy]

Because i wanted to talk to like minded people everyone else makes me feel like a freak

 

[CatLvr]

I was done. I have had severe chronic pain due to abuse at the hands of relatives, and because I'm a damned klutz on top of that;

I figured out that due to that trauma I ALWAYS found myself in abusive relationships, even when I ACTIVELY tried to date people who were/are the EXACT opposite of the type of man I am attracted to (yep -- I went from a biker to a cop. Exact same dude, only one has a beard, long hair, enjoyed recreational pharmaceuticals and a motorcycle; and the other is clean shaven, high and tight, tee-totaler, with a fast car with blinky lights. Both are Grade A assholes ... ) I wound up with abusive jerks who are the spitting image of my mother personality-wise;

And an accident here and there, coupled with more surgeries than I have fingers and toes have resulted in even more chronic pain, so now none of my pain is controlled very well because -- gasp, I might become an addict. It's much better that I hurt so much that I become suicidal;

I have not had a relationship with any of my children for the last 20 years, due to my fucked up family and their need to try and absolutely destroy ANY happiness they find in the world; so ...

I figured my purpose here was done. I had raised my children to be strong, make their own decisions for what they saw as the right reasons and stand by those decisions, devil be damned. It appeared to me that if they believed the things they were told about me maybe I hadn't been as good a mother as I thought and they were better off without me. They didn't need me. No one who had ever told me they loved me had really meant it. "I love you" was, as far as I could tell, simply a means to an end, so I was more than ready to move on to whatever is next in this universe.

However, when I got here and started looking around, and especially reading the megathreads, and the goodbye threads, I realized maybe I should try one more time to talk to the kids. CTB-ing is not like taking a vacation. There is no coming back from a successful attempt, and given my choice of CTB-ing (painkillers to numb SI and a shotgun with birdshot to the back of the throat) I fully expected to be successful, so I had nothing to lose by trying one more time.

Imagine my absolute shock (and indescribable joy) when my middle son wanted to talk. We have talked daily since I contacted him 3 days after I joined SaSu, and see each other weekly. I cannot thank you guys enough for what you have done for me. The members of this forum actually gave me the courage to act on a lot of things (including settling my affairs) and in doing so, you all gave me my life back.

So ... I will still probably wind up CTB. But, instead of being a date certain, now it is dependent upon how my health goes because we are all gonna die eventually. I am not afraid of dying. I am afraid of being dependent on someone to take care of me. Or being a burden to my children.

On the days that my pain levels are unmanageable, I am still tempted to CTB. But, I have an obligation to my children. I will not leave them wondering if they were the reason I CTB. And I will not leave them wondering if their grandmother was right and I just didn't love them enough. Until they understand that I love them more than life itself I will stay. No matter how bad it hurts.

 

[pointblank]

For the mods or curious OP, here are threads on the same topic:

How did you first hear about / find your way to SanctionedSuicide? (2nd poll)

Please select up to two choices. The 1st edition of this poll was posted a little over half a year ago. Given that the site is currently getting a lot of attention due to the recent BBC article, it was thought that a new poll would be more representative of recent and current members.

sanctioned-suicide.net

How did you find SS?

For me, it was this BBC article that started it all.

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[Gl1tch3d G1rl]

Still not exactly the same though as I asked "why" and they asked "how", but thanks. :)

 

[OptingOutSmiling]

To research and find the best way for me to ctb. Someone said I should use my imagination in trying to think of methods. Made me turn to google to find ideas and then thought there must be a group or site like this, where I could learn from

 

[JesiBel]

I came to the site to research and "study" the methods. The one I had chosen was listed as "not recommended or effective" so I started reading the forums.

I also feel accompanied. Users are very empathetic and kind.

Sorry for my english.

 

[Forveleth]

I came across the site after searching for suicide methods or something like that but I made an account I think to like, answer someone's question or correct someone's inaccurate information (most likely). I honestly had purged myself of all my social media a while preceding and really did not want to join a "community" as I was trying to avoid people. But, curse my near instinct levels of desire to be helpful and informative, here I am!

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

I came here to find technical details on suicide methods. I lurked for a few months, then I signed up when I realized there's an actual community here for support. It gives me an outlet when all I can think about is suicide. I seriously might have CTB'd sooner without this place, ironically.

 

[diy-event]

I came here to dim a suicide partner or someone willing to accompany and/witness my suicide.

 

[EternalLight]

I'm here because it's comforting to me. Users here have their own unique experiences that allow them to recognize that living in this world can be an absolutely dreadful thing, and I feel this makes many people generally more empathetic toward one another. I've had a similar experience while detained in a psychiatric detention facility; great struggles in life bring all kinds of people together in a unique way.

 

[Always Last]

I don't think I could go through with suicide but other places just don't get it. They're too happy go lucky or memey.
They're not for tortured souls.

 

[Opera]

I don't want to live anymore and I want to be in a community who understands the struggles instead of optimistically telling me to live.

 

[Dark Moon]

I was and still am suicidal, was looking for methods and was interested in joining the forum. I was lurking before I joined.

 

[Namelesa]

Who are 2 people that chosen the pro-life option?! Show yourself! (I am not expecting an answer)

 

[thinkingofdeath]

I joined to research methods, and I stayed because I find it comforting to be around other people who are as outwardly in pain as I feel on the inside. It's a place where I'm allowed to hurt and despair and I don't have to hide it for anyone's comfort.

 

[John_Galt]

Easy access to method Info, Good Community, And the possibility of finding a CTB partner -- And I guess depression with life