Trigger Warning:
Kill yourself faggot. I was 9 years old at a summer camp. I was forced into isolation after kindergarten. Not allowed to make friends or talk to others. I was raised to understand that I am never to look at women, talk to women, avoid eye contact with women, and lower my head around women. Avoid them. The punishments were super severe.
I was put into a religious summer camp as a pilot test for being enrolled in religious school. I was regularly bullied there…but I made a few friends who liked me. One day on a field trip to a water park, two girls made came over to me on the bus and kissed me at the same time…almost like making out and I just froze. I didnt know what to do and had never made out before. My friends were sitting across from me and started mocking me and making fun of me. I could hear people in the back of the bus calling me a
fag and everyone was laughing. I was so embarrassed. From that point on, my friends didnt want anything to do with me. I was completely socially isolated. The bullying got so bad. I was beaten every day. Slammed against metal lockers. Laughed and mocked by everyone so I'd sit outside by myself near the woods and cry. Everyday I was told I should kill myself. They stole my lunch money every day. I never really told anyone because I was worried theyd find out about the girls and my parents my kill me. I was already beaten badly and locked into closets in the dark for breaking rules like talking to people and trying to make friends with other kids or not studying, or not studying hard enough.
My parents realized my lunch money was getting stolen and got very upset with me and the school so I knew I could no longer give into the bully demands and had to take the beatings, hiding my money. One day I saw one of the bullies sitting alone in the cafeteria not eating…and I asked him why. He said "I ain't got no money." I felt bad for him…and I gave him half of my money anyway (which was a lot, my parents sent me with $20 each day incase I needed something like emergency but I was supposed to spend all of it.) I gave him $10…and a teacher saw me. They knew the kid was a bully and I got in trouble for "supporting bullying" and was put into detention every day during the recess times and at the end of the day for an hour before my Dad picked me up.
The psychological abuse and brainwashing was the worst part of it all. I was called a freak and gay slurs because I'm different. Almost everyday I still hear those kids telling me I should kill myself and that I'm a
faggot. I hate myself so much and I wish I was dead because I know I'm not normal and not a good person at all. I wish I was dead. I hope I can do this soon and get this over with.
Trigger Warning: Kill yourself faggot. I was 9 years old at a summer camp. I was forced into isolation after kindergarten. Not allowed to make friends or talk to others. I was raised to understand that I am never to look at women, talk to women, avoid eye contact with women, and lower my head around women. Avoid them. The punishments were super severe.
I was put into a religious summer camp as a pilot test for being enrolled in religious school. I was regularly bullied there…but I made a few friends who liked me. One day on a field trip to a water park, two girls made came over to me on the bus and kissed me at the same time…almost like making out and I just froze. I didnt know what to do and had never made out before. My friends were sitting across from me and started mocking me and making fun of me. I could hear people in the back of the bus calling me a fag and everyone was laughing. I was so embarrassed. From that point on, my friends didnt want anything to do with me. I was completely socially isolated. The bullying got so bad. I was beaten every day. Slammed against metal lockers. Laughed and mocked by everyone so I'd sit outside by myself near the woods and cry. Everyday I was told I should kill myself. They stole my lunch money every day. I never really told anyone because I was worried theyd find out about the girls and my parents my kill me. I was already beaten badly and locked into closets in the dark for breaking rules like talking to people and trying to make friends with other kids or not studying, or not studying hard enough.
My parents realized my lunch money was getting stolen and got very upset with me and the school so I knew I could no longer give into the bully demands and had to take the beatings, hiding my money. One day I saw one of the bullies sitting alone in the cafeteria not eating…and I asked him why. He said "I ain't got no money." I felt bad for him…and I gave him half of my money anyway (which was a lot, my parents sent me with $20 each day incase I needed something like emergency but I was supposed to spend all of it.) I gave him $10…and a teacher saw me. They knew the kid was a bully and I got in trouble for "supporting bullying" and was put into detention every day during the recess times and at the end of the day for an hour before my Dad picked me up.
The psychological abuse and brainwashing was the worst part of it all. I was called a freak and gay slurs because I'm different. Almost everyday I still hear those kids telling me I should kill myself and that I'm a faggot. I hate myself so much and I wish I was dead because I know I'm not normal and not a good person at all. I wish I was dead. I hope I can do this soon and get this over with.
—
I grew up being that way too…into the idea of polyamory. That's what I always wanted. So I've grown up knowing I'm a terrible because I shouldn't want that and I deserve to die. Even people who don't know that about me have treated me poorly and threatened me. This doesn't happen consecutively I think unless the person deserves it. Where I come from, every thing has very strict expectations of who I should be. I was born differently and so I am punished for it because I don't force myself into the mold of what others expect of me but I also live in fear of moving towards meeting my own desires and wishes. I suffer alone and publicly in silence. I only say all of this here because I have some level of anonymity.
I'm sure someone will attack me. I've been attacked here before for revealing my sexuality. I also seem, as discussed in detail with another member, to possibly be demisexual as I have never had sex nor sought it out. I've been called an incel here over it and have been bullied here too, people telling me I'm evil and a terrible person. So I don't open up about any of this really anymore. I'm only doing so now because I'm approaching the end of my journey. I can't keep hiding who and what I am and continuing down this road of the same repetitions and patterns. I am different and that means I am not good enough for anyone. No one has ever shown any romantic nor sexual interest in me. I've faced abuse for even thinking of doing so. I can't keep doing this anymore. I just wanna go.
