What's the reason why you want to cbt?

[Theon]

So many reason but the main now being that antidepressants that were supposed to help my OCD/ anxiety eventually caused PSSD. They have destroyed my brain and body. No emotions, no libido, numb genitals, severe sleeplessness, loss of taste and smell, physical problems too numerous to mention. And the OCD, anxiety was bad enough. I was really an AVPD. Now I'm basically just a lobotomized and castrated zombie. Wonderful trade-off.
Before this I also got Crohn's from Accutane, nerve damage from Cipro, C-diff from antibiotics multiple times. I also became addicted to opiates and benzos during all this. Needless to say holding a job and living a "normal" life was made almost impossible.
But PSSD aka neurological damage from ADs would be enough even if life had been perfect before this. And it was far from. I'm now 37 and enough is enough. No need to put myself through this shit anymore.

Shrink put me on antidepressants and antipsychotics and I'm worse than before. Feel absolutely no emotions. I'm just a shell of the person I used to be. Feel like I'm existing but no longer living.

 

[enigmática saudade]

Cerebral palsy, autism and borderline personality disorder.
Struggling with depression.
Inability to maintain friendships or have friends.
Ugly and fat.
Most importantly, life itself is pointless.

 

[Velia]

There's no hope anymore, I am completely alone with only my mother in this world. I feel like a failure in everything and nothing improves, no matter how much I try it just doesn't seem to get better, the longer I go on like this the worse it all gets. Stuck in my room with extreme social anxiety and paranoia making me unable to do anything.

 

[Nike]

I am a failure and I will never amount to anything. I try different things but nothing changes how I feel in the end. I'd rather kill myself than become old, poor, and helpless. I'm tired of people telling me it will get better. Some people get lucky - I squandered mine a while back; I don't have any luck left. I am just an unfortunate person living a pointless life until I stop being such a pathetic coward and end it.

 

[sadboi100]

everything just hurts.. and i dont see the point in living in this shitty, boring world, its just full of pain and hurt and i dont wanna live in it anymore.

 

[Cevapcici]

I don't want to continue living as a failure. I could, but I just don't want to, because I don't see point in a life without some quality to it.

 

[NBreatheMe]

I have several health issues that make my life a permanent struggle, and can't be a totally autonomous person.
My mother is a narcissist, and so is my sister (the golden daughter), they've bullied me my whole life.
I'm what pshicologist call an empath, always date "the wrong people". Even my friends use me. It's almost impossible for me to trust people and that makes me a lonely person.
I don't want this life. I don't want to feel stupid and abused all the time.
I swear I tried everything but nothing changes, living is only getting harder.

 

[Tabbyql]

Deep breath..... OCD, bpd, anxiety, 0 self esteem, depression, used and gas light by my "family" my supposed brother, put me in debt, stole from me. nhs mental health team left me to it. Everyone wants me dead, mental health as sabotaged every little ray of hope I've ever had of being happy/successful. Can't sleep properly, I'm mentally exhausted and tired of fighting to just survive. I'm a failure, I'm grotesque. I have fucked my arms up from years of cutting so even on the hottest days i have to wear jumpers. My partner is only concerned about money and getting sex from me. And I'm so disgusted at how cruel some humans can be, especially towards other animals. I don't feel i belong on this planet. I could go on, but I'm sleepy.

 

[lella78]

Have spent decades though hospitals, made dozens of surgeries and it did not work. my body is broken and i can't join the life that i crave. struggled so much to have life, but my poor body can't do it. so tired of pain and limits. I have tried hard all my life. took a degree, made things despite difficulties, but now my own limitations exclude me from everything. i would like the world should understand that a person in this condition has the right to choose, and not being obliged to hide in the dark to search a not-totally-sure way out.
lot of hugs to you all.

 

[throwaway123]

everyone sucks
life sucks
I am biological trash. I wish I was a normal healthy person but I am simply not and I can not change it. This is why I want to die.

 

[JoeFailure]

Have spent decades though hospitals, made dozens of surgeries and it did not work. my body is broken and i can't join the life that i crave. struggled so much to have life, but my poor body can't do it. so tired of pain and limits. I have tried hard all my life. took a degree, made things despite difficulties, but now my own limitations exclude me from everything. i would like the world should understand that a person in this condition has the right to choose, and not being obliged to hide in the dark to search a not-totally-sure way out.
lot of hugs to you all.

I'm sorry to hear that. Especially because you tried so hard in life. I literally grew up dumb and squandered a healthy body, and didn't get diagnosed for my ADHD early on and thought life was a big joke. I probably deserve this, you don't.

 

[TimeToDie]

Reason #25: frequent urination that's driving me nuts.
That's an addition to the 24 problems I've posted before.

 

[1234dave]

Chronic untreatable illness

 

[hybridtheory]

because this world is shitty

end of story

 

[Joannf]

I feel the same way that you do.

I am doing it because my partner left me. I feel that it was my fault. I am going to be alone and filled with regret for the rest of my life. The pain is unbearable.

It was your fault - but s/he left you ? Hmm. How long have you been together ?

 

[andy69]

It was your fault - but s/he left you ? Hmm. How long have you been together ?

Almost 16 years.

 

[that_guy2611]

Because I've got anxiety issues, i'm dumb , ugly, annoying, etc ...

 

[Joannf]

Almost 16 years.

Oh damn... that's bad of course, but then it's not unique these days.
It's completely normal to be devastated in the situation.
But, it's not really an incurable illness or something... I mean, you DO have a choice.
It's not as if you had to - it's a decision, and there's some freedom in that.

 

[Orin]

Laziness.... but then again it's hard to be industrious if you know your money is just gonna get stolen thru taxes, the banking system, divorce, etc.

 

[Joannf]

Laziness.... but then again it's hard to be industrious if you know your money is just gonna get stolen thru taxes, the banking system, divorce, etc.

Money is a social construct ;))

 

[GoneWrong]

During my psychosis I was absolutely terrified I was going to die at any given moment. Crazy shit and delusional psychotic thoughts, I know. But, I was terrified of death and me dying seemed to be the main cause of my delusional thoughts - I was trying to protect myself, no matter how crazy I sounded, and I sounded pretty fucking crazy, self preservation instinct was still there.
Now, after months of different anti psychotics and anti depressants all I want is to die asap. They worked well for a short while, but as doseges increased and new medications were added my brain slowly died and now I want my body to die with it.

 

[Pilum Muralis]

-Feeling like a burden and a waste.
-Guilt
-Insomnia
-Constant pain that drugs and a stimulator cant seem to control.
-Inoperable back issues.
-Neuropathy in my feet.
-Ulceretic colitis.
-Depression.
-Lymphedema in my left leg.
-OCD that manifests as dermatophagia.
-Other medical issues that, alone wouldnt drive me to cbt, just adds to the pile of crap.
-No family or friends, other than my husband. I dont plan to cbt until hes gone, and since he's my only friend and family, why bother to continue this shitty existence?

 

[kerolox]

Chronic worsening illness, some days I'm feeling okay but more and more often I'm ready to go.

 

[JMB]

I don't want to continue to constantly fight my own thoughts and instincts just to be able to interact with people on a barely below normal level, it's just too hard and wearing by now. But stopping that would mean complete social isolation, and i know i just couldn't take that. So no other way out than to quit entirely.

 

[hello123]

Im too low to really type things out or think really. I don't know how to explain. I don't remember exactly what was happening prior to that thing that is the reason for wanting to kill myself. I only know that i was way more engaged in life and i had problems like stress and pressure and indulging in facsination with mental illness. Ever since i cant remember i have been seduced by it. Couldnt keep myself away from the subject. I was obsessed with the idea that my personality is broken into many pieces and that that is what schizophrenia is and that i might or might not have it. And trying to unify myself or whatever. Meanwhile just living life. Doing creative things. working jobs... I just remember that apartment buildings and towns like this stress affect me negatively comparing to more country living.


So i was just stressed out by my living situation. and wanted to move out asap.

The evening before that event this person(grandma) came to visit me in my moms apartment who technically belongs to her thats why i wanted to move out asap. She feels like she owns me and does not have a concept of boundaries. She is a very messed up person i dont even wanna go into that.

i have been on edge feeling really intense journaling on napkins cus ran out of notebooks and also pens. My energy was reallg intense and runing fast when i was journaling. Was writing with eyeliner. Didnt have enough money to go buy stuff.



One evening in november 7.5 months ago after i have been verbally and emotionally abused by her threatened to be sent to an insane asylim like she did before multiple times and treated based on completely distorted poisonous things which are extremely exaturated and laced with 90 percent lies. Asylims where the treatment was completely based off of what she told them. This time it was that i had taken out a lightbulb out of a set of three lightbulbs because it was too bright and it was.She added a bunch of made up stuff. this was beyond me. Even if i did have problems they had nothing to do with what she was telling the doctors.
Its like a power dynamic. Where she can do whatever.

So i was in this situation where i felt like i would be safer in a company of strangers on the steet looking for a some sort of a job with where i cpuld stay there not have to cone back to this apartment. This negative assault of this toxic person affected me. This was completely out of hand. She was just yelling all this shit like my mom messed up with the fact that i shouldnt have been born and just all this shit with the attitude of owning me completely because she sort of does. this apartment belongs to her and as long as im under her roof she can do whatever. I was just desperate to move out.

felt like i was losing it. i started to be able to hear thru walls . the sky suddenly became more grey and everything was uglier than it acually was. . Never experienced anything like that. and i didnt know what that was exactly my body felt violated and dirty and negative and a sack of meat. And DENSE. I felt like a dense meat puppet walking around. Started to feel disconnected from people. Felt transported into the negative parallel reality of my grandma because i carmically deserved to be there.

Went to pick up my phone from repair. This is irrelevant. so i came back and was under her spell. I needed to have stitches taken outof my mouth after i had a tooth pulled. I was afraid that the stitches might rot and cauee infection and i might die. I was looking up dentists in the city at 11pm cus i didnt show up when i had it scheduled. I qas feeling a weird sensation in there like the stitches were burning up or something i was afraid.

Thats when it happened .It felt like something happened to my heart. Like i was dying. Like i had s heart attack. In the moment i thought that it was relatefto my gums and i that this is death my ability to think had vanished it felt like i was goona for sure pass out right now i ran outside so that if i fell down someone wpuld call ambulance. I asked some people to call an bulance meanwhile i was pacing in circles having had my mind vsnished and only having periphiral surface things still working.
My teeth were banging against each other. They called police cus thry thought i was on drugs. I told police to call my grandma. I dont know my mom was in the hospital herself with a stomach problem. She told them i was insane and they need to take me to an insane asylim. I legitimstely thought that this time i probsbly had lost my mind orit was brain dsmage from my heart stopping or both. I felt soooo dumb. And found thinfs so hard. I had been taken to an insane asylim where they chalked this situation up to me being previoudly insane and thus is just a continuation of that.. when in reity when i hac talked to private doctprs who werent bisased off of grandmas opinion told me i was completely fine and i needed to move the hell out of that apartment.

It felt like i was going to die and i needed to fix myself in anyway. I was not against them giving me drugs. I just felt like my body was tirning into wood like i had severely.delleted myself of vitamins snd everything just accumulated. I had experienced myriad of things in the hospital. The hospital itself can induce insanity in anyone since its a tiny room with a bunch of people with a tiny corridor with other tiny rooms so all two months there consisted of sitting on the bed and walking back and forth in the tiny corridor. Later it turned out i was given drugs which were not compstible with each other. Was not fun. Its like a parallel reality where you ate there only if you carmically deserve to be there. Like most people are not aware that this place even exists. It was far from fun.

I was retarded all the time i was there and when i got out . In the hospital where i felt really insane i felt the only pixelf of relief from this constant hell in the idea thay when i get out i will shoot myself. I didnt want to live as a retard.

When i got out i had been trying to find hope that my brain will get better. My body still felt awkward . Gradually it felt more natural. I noticed my brain being atiny bit more dynamic. It has expanded and i looked like my normal self. Butbafter s certain point it stopped getting better. I talked to a private doctor. I was told that i dont have any psychatric problems and thst diagnosis was bullshit based off of gradma. Previous times i agree but this time i dont know what it was. No one does. Some sort of result of accumlated stress bad nutrition and bad vibes.

Anyway so my brain hasnt improved in so long i became hopeless. I was told by a private doctor that i had a spasm in my brain and nervous system. And that it will be fixed for sure if i take the herbs she recommends and drink the juices.
I dont really believe it will work. I dont want to be this way. Not believing in the only thing that might help m. But i cant do anything with myself i dont believe it. But i guess i will try taking the herbs and the juices. I just feellike it shouldve fixed itself at this point.

Day to day life is torture cus i cant do the things i was involved in however off the rails i was at least i had a life.

So here i am left with this private doctors approach as my last option.

If it doesnt work i want to kill myself but im awfuly afraid. So im stuck in the hell of this retarded halfwit life and being afraid to do it.

 

[Irishsteve88]

Being gang raped
Raped by my father
Being beaten up all my life
anxiety
Depression all my life
Mortgage trouble
Being addicted to alcohol that destroyed me most of my life clean now 7 yrs however.
Being on more pills an meds than anything else.
Epilepsy
Cancer scare could come back
Bad luck every day like my car broke down in the middle of no where last week.
Money issues
No family
No friends most are dead
No social life not that I bother.


And everything else that may not be listed above

But main problem is the scareness my f**ked up father left me and only got 5 yrs in prison.

Just a screwed up life that will never be fixed

 

[Brainpain]

Chronic pain and mental illness (anxiety, overwhelming emotions, insomnia, bipolar). Life is so hard for me. I'm very tired.

Being gang raped
Raped by my father
Being beaten up all my life
anxiety
Depression all my life
Mortgage trouble
Being addicted to alcohol that destroyed me most of my life clean now 7 yrs however.
Being on more pills an meds than anything else.
Epilepsy
Cancer scare could come back
Bad luck every day like my car broke down in the middle of no where last week.
Money issues
No family
No friends most are dead
No social life not that I bother.


And everything else that may not be listed above

But main problem is the scareness my f**ked up father left me and only got 5 yrs in prison.

Just a screwed up life that will never be fixed

I'm not sure how to send a hug, only like a post so I wanted to tell you I'd like to send you a hug. You have been through so much and no one deserves what you have been through. I hate this world.

 

[Oppenheimer]

I have High Social anxiety disorder since I was a teenager, it was worse, I basically avoided parties, social gatherings, even family meetings, never married. Since I started to use anxiolytics at 25 years old things got a little better, but my hole life I fell like I am an actor in all aspects of my life, any social interaction gives me extreme stress mentally and physically, but I HAVE to act like it´s all right, otherwise I could not work or live with my relatives. I can only fell relaxed when interacting with my cats, my father, sister and particularly my mother, but she passed away this year.

So it´s hard for me to think living more decades suffering inside most of the day, having to use anxiolytics just to kinda function in society (and at my job I had to interact with at least 30 strangers everyday plus other workers)

 

[done_so_done]

Well....let me see...I have never recovered from my childhood. My parents abused me physically and emotionally. On top of it, they had their own problems that they tried to solve during drunken nighttime fights. The only reason why they didn't kill each other is because I was there playing a cop. That leads to another problem-insomnia. I can go on for 3 days without a sleep. But of course, I wouldn't call it living, more like zombie like existence. But what really did it for me was my divorce. I was discarded like a piece of trash when my ex met "the love is his life", who was only 20 at that time (I was 44). Due to divorce. I lost everything. I had to leave the country that I loved. I lost my home, my car, my business, my friends. I was put on the plane with 2 cats and shipped to my country where I haven't lived for 17 years. Got together with my parents, only to find out that they are still the same abusive creatures and nothing has changed with them. So yeah, life really does suck, no matter how hard you try. Now I'm all alone, no family, no friends, no money. So suicide seems very reasonable to me, as there is nothing to live for anymore. I'm not even upset anymore, I just don't feel anything.

 

[Leesap]

I am at some point become unable to afford to live. The idea of sleeping rough horrifies me.