When I finally accepted that my mental health is fucked by my fault alone, I overheard my mother having a call with my grandma, saying how I don't even realize that all my family ever paid their attention to my older brother, emotionally neglecting me since childhood.
My parents, grandpa, they all made sure to take proper care of him, little did they know that he's even more fucked up than me. He's one insensitive motherfucker, he almost always ignored grandpa's calls, always cursed both him and our parents. He's been dysfunctional since birth, as I heard. He shamed me in front of our cousins so I always ended up having to isolate myself and play by myself at family gatherings. Despite having everything I needed, the bonds just weren't there. Because of him I developed an inferiority complex too, all my mental issues stem from negligence or his behavior. Holy shit, he barely even talked with grandpa on his deathbed, worst of all; his last wish was for the two of us to make up!
I was never aware of the truth, I blamed all my troubles on myself thinking that I'm a horrible person making terrible decisions. So when I overheard that conversation I felt the sharpest pain in my chest my body has ever experienced.