whats stopping YOU (yes YOU) from exploring the depths of your gender, or yourself in general

[PeterThePizzaGuy55]

TLDR; internalized and outside transphobia/homophobia

Tw: transphobic opinion

Because society rejects me, outcasts me. I'm alone. I feel like a freak in the circus, everyone's eyes trained on me to laugh and point. I can't be me. No matter how many people 'support' me, how many times I hear 'just be yourself' or any other cliche phrases, I always knoa I'll be hated either way; even by myself. Although I am transgender myself, I find it to be a revolting identity to take on. Possibly from the outside influence I've been subjected to my whole life. I just believe its something..wrong? Yet, I still am this way. I hate how I am. I despise my own being. Sometimes I wish I had been born when this identity was more widely hated or that id been put into a conversation therapy program, had some parents to knock sense into me. Not that I hate anyone else..I actually dont mind lgbtq at all. Its just that I want *myself* to be fixed, made normal again.. I know I will never be a true man or woman. I'm stuck in a limbo of hating myself and to put it best: I believe I am a total freak for wanting to defy my sex and be a man instead

 

[Abadoned_Me]

idk
i guess i want a deeper voice? I dont mind my afab body, except i want my chest to go- its the only way people know im afab
(I pass very well when i dress masc, i hang out with other guys, i seem more like just a stereotypical gay guy then a afab person- and no i dont mean that in a homophobic way, im gay-)

but I also really like kawaii fashion, so, I dress like a girl a lot, I started dressing like that
cuz my boyfriend likes it, but ive grown attached to it, plus it gets me 'cute dumb bf' points (Im cute in society's eyes, im kinda stupid, ect.)

so I guess if I had a choice, Id be a bio man, but want a cute feminine body still (Ive been blessed with a houreglass shape)
idk if this makes sense im tired

 

[toro]

because ill never be able to come out anyways, i know id be happier as a man, but my town and my family would exile me if i ever did, its not worth losing my little brother over

 

[Traumagotchi]

I'm transgender, FtM. And sometimes I can't make up my mind on how I'd like to present myself.

I'm 100 percent into the idea of getting top and bottom surgery, because I get so disphoric to the point where I gag when I change clothes.

But at the same time, I feel like maybe I would be happier if i was just prettier and made myself look more attractive as a woman.


I'm not sure :/

 

[QteStimBnnuy]

>who might you be

A mass murderer

Personal interest wise: probably may be a lil more of a crossdresser whenever I feel like it

Terms of gender: I don't acknowledge it, as sex is where the information lies. So that's all I need to know personally, I wouldnt manage to change it

Generally just doing me, chillin

 

[Sparr0w]

ive explored my gender and come out the other side as a genderfaun/agender person lol
getting actually prescribed HRT is gonna take like 6 months when i eventually go for it, and im happy with how my friends n family understand me, so i might end up CTBing before going on HRT cause, while id love to be on HRT, my gravestones gonna have "Sparrow" on it either way X)

 

[ScottPilgram]

With all due respect to those who read me because I think they may not like my answer and perhaps feel attacked
I think that gender ideology is one more part of the perversion of society, through increasing the confusion of people's sexuality and making them believe that by definition they can be something else which they are not, creating frustration in them, In addition to the cases of people who regret making a "gender" change
I really don't get it, what is the point of asking to remove your penis, vagina or breasts?
The penis, the vagina and the breasts are something really wonderful and worthy of being proud of having them.
I love what I have and I am not within what would be considered beautiful, also I do not dress in fashion or do the popular hairstyle
That of exploring oneself in general, if it is interesting, is an attitude that I think should be encouraged, being aware of the consequences of actions.
greetings

i wish i could delete comments :D

I'm transgender, FtM. And sometimes I can't make up my mind on how I'd like to present myself.

I'm 100 percent into the idea of getting top and bottom surgery, because I get so disphoric to the point where I gag when I change clothes.

But at the same time, I feel like maybe I would be happier if i was just prettier and made myself look more attractive as a woman.


I'm not sure :/

there are a lot of trans men who feel comfortable expression femininity only after going on T. You could call them femboys, this could be you maybe

idk
i guess i want a deeper voice? I dont mind my afab body, except i want my chest to go- its the only way people know im afab
(I pass very well when i dress masc, i hang out with other guys, i seem more like just a stereotypical gay guy then a afab person- and no i dont mean that in a homophobic way, im gay-)

but I also really like kawaii fashion, so, I dress like a girl a lot, I started dressing like that
cuz my boyfriend likes it, but ive grown attached to it, plus it gets me 'cute dumb bf' points (Im cute in society's eyes, im kinda stupid, ect.)

so I guess if I had a choice, Id be a bio man, but want a cute feminine body still (Ive been blessed with a houreglass shape)
idk if this makes sense im tired

:3 real femboy hours!!! this makes a lot of sense. I identified as a man all through highschool and i wore the prettiest dresses. I do not want my chest, and still dont >_<
but yes! this makes sense

 

[Mercury_Raven]

My gender is null, but also many. It is freeing to allow myself to be as i am, to live as i wish. To move with the flow of my feelings. I am water. There's 100 genders, there are no genders. You can't have light without dark, you cant have the absence of god without also the idea of god. If the world did not keep transgender people afraid under the constant threat of violence, if we lived in a world without restrictive rules and morals weighing you down. If you were truely allowed to exist, who might you be? Who would I have the pleasure of meeting right now? Close your eyes, think a little. Type it out.

I'm man, and to be honest, i never felt a problem with that. The "mainly" way of doing things were a problem i found how to cope so early in life it made part of what i am.

I also have a lot of "good eyes" about beeing a man and exploring what is to be a man. A topic that is quite hard to talk about with others, as they look like they never thought a lot about it. I find beauty in beeing sensitive when i should and beeing rough when is needed.

With all due respect to those who read me because I think they may not like my answer and perhaps feel attacked
I think that gender ideology is one more part of the perversion of society, through increasing the confusion of people's sexuality and making them believe that by definition they can be something else which they are not, creating frustration in them, In addition to the cases of people who regret making a "gender" change
I really don't get it, what is the point of asking to remove your penis, vagina or breasts?
The penis, the vagina and the breasts are something really wonderful and worthy of being proud of having them.
I love what I have and I am not within what would be considered beautiful, also I do not dress in fashion or do the popular hairstyle
That of exploring oneself in general, if it is interesting, is an attitude that I think should be encouraged, being aware of the consequences of actions.
greetings

One thing you are right and we agree completely is that people will not like your answer.

 

[ScottPilgram]

I'm man, and to be honest, i never felt a problem with that. The "mainly" way of doing things were a problem i found how to cope so early in life it made part of what i am.

I also have a lot of "good eyes" about beeing a man and exploring what is to be a man. A topic that is quite hard to talk about with others, as they look like they never thought a lot about it. I find beauty in beeing sensitive when i should and beeing rough when is needed.

One thing you are right and we agree completely is that people will not like your answer.

people always talk about how toxic masculinity is that they cant see that there can be positive masculinity. and I think you are practicing healthy masculinity. keep it up.

 

[Spaztism]

I'm a guy but I like to dress quite ambiguous despite my family being against it. in there eyes guys have short hair and girls have long. I tend to dress and wear what I want because my life not theirs. Wish I could grow my hair similar to lain's tho. Edit: By ambiguous it's mostly t shirts, jeans and oversized cute hoodies

 

[l0ve4eva]

I'm pretty comfortable with my assigned gender at birth and I love women and femininity BUT gender roles and sociocultural expectations about what women should be or should date (hint: only cishet men are allowed) or should aspire to be drive me nuts.

 

[mkitsune]

hmm, so for reference I'm AFAB, but I wasn't naturally blessed with an androgynous body, (skinny, passes easily as a man..)
this sounds silly but here's the truth: Not being pretty is terrifying for some reason, I do dress masc sometimes and my friends refer to me by he/him aswell, but I've always gotten somuch validation from society in general for my looks that it's very hard to detach from, it's like wanting people to like me > wanting to like me,
it sounds kinda pathetic tbh but hey, guess I'd have to build up a lot more confidence to be comfortable in my gender expression, one day maybe...

 

[Laivirt]

I'd just prefer to not think about it. Life is easier when people think you're cis.

Also I'll never have male genitalia so I have to wonder what the point even is. Bottom surgery for trans women + fems isn't perfect by any means, but it's definitely more advanced than bottom surgery for trans men + mascs. And it's expensive for both.

Think I'd rather kill myself lol

 

[Himalayan]

My completely lack of interest in this topic is preventing me

 

[Laivirt]

hmm, so for reference I'm AFAB, but I wasn't naturally blessed with an androgynous body, (skinny, passes easily as a man..)
this sounds silly but here's the truth: Not being pretty is terrifying for some reason, I do dress masc sometimes and my friends refer to me by he/him aswell, but I've always gotten somuch validation from society in general for my looks that it's very hard to detach from, it's like wanting people to like me > wanting to like me,
it sounds kinda pathetic tbh but hey, guess I'd have to build up a lot more confidence to be comfortable in my gender expression, one day maybe...

Nah that's real. I grew up being the fat kid and it really fucked me over when I started questioning my gender because it felt impossible to figure out whether I was trans or just didn't feel like a woman because no one ever treated me as one.

People will tell you being a woman is about having certain chromosomes or body parts or whatever the hell but it's all bullshit. You are "socialized female" if people consider you attractive. If you are not attractive, no one really acknowledges you even exist. You are not socialized male or female but agender.

I'm hoping that once I hit my goal weight I'll maybe be able to figure out whether the issue really was GD or if I just hated myself because I was ugly. Right now I'm starting to notice that my waist is becoming visible and it's really weird to me. That's all I've got so far.

 

[she]

If the world did not keep transgender people afraid under the constant threat of violence, if we lived in a world without restrictive rules and morals weighing you down. If you were truly allowed to exist, who might you be? Who would I have the pleasure of meeting right now?

Unfortunately, I don't believe that in this case, either of us will ever be blessed with the opportunity to find out the answer to that question. I, like many others here, am transgender. However, due to many factors in my life, including the levels of tension between our governments and LGBTQIA+ groups and individuals, the ceaseless calls for violence, the harassment, the anti-legislation, and all of the bullshit in between, I don't believe I'll be able to have the pleasure of being around for much longer, let alone having the opportunity to live my truth and present myself as the woman that I know I am. It's all too much to bare.

 

[ScottPilgram]

bump cause it's been a year and i wanna know if this would reach newer users XD remember y'all there is more than man and woman :3 transgender is braod.

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

I already have explored. I am a trans man. But I'm scared. Really fucking scared. I almost got T as a teen but my state fucking made it impossible for me to get at the time.

That was before I realized I was a trans man. I called myself transmasculine nonbinary for 5-6 years because I love being feminine still, and it scared me. I love my feminine figure, my hips, my eyelashes. I love short skirts and crop tops (though I've never worn either due to an eating disorder young. I hope to one day), I love makeup, I love purple, nail polish, feminine features of many kinds. That would be acceptable as a cis man. Or at least more so. Who wouldn't want to be a Freddie Mercury, a David Bowie, a Prince? But they're cis. They're born male. To me, as a feminine trans man I'd forever be "not trying hard enough."

I want to be able to dress and be how I like. Microdose testosterone for a slightly lower voice (sort of a gay voice I suppose), body hair, facial hair, and a couple other... benefits. Get top surgery. Wear nail polish, get a short haircut and style my hair regularly. Wear a dress shirt, or a waistcoat, ripped jeans or a skirt, thigh highs or skinny jeans. I want to wear converse or kitten heels or punk platforms.

I want to wear black but I want to be pretty. I want a black lip tint on some days and none on another. I want to wear flowers and frills and lace and glitter and fucking pride merchandise. I want to wear a T-shirt of a non-mainstream musical.

It's nauseating because nothing I go for will ever be enough for anyone. I'll never be man enough to be a "fag." I'll always have a different slur taped to my back. I want to dress and BE like a performance, like an aesthetic, follow my mood and likes and comfort, but I don't think it's possible.

Where could I live like that and be safe? Who could love me like that? What reliable access could I get to that? Why is it scary to me? Why is it scary to THEM?

 

[ScottPilgram]

I already have explored. I am a trans man. But I'm scared. Really fucking scared. I almost got T as a teen but my state fucking made it impossible for me to get at the time.

That was before I realized I was a trans man. I called myself transmasculine nonbinary for 5-6 years because I love being feminine still, and it scared me. I love my feminine figure, my hips, my eyelashes. I love short skirts and crop tops (though I've never worn either due to an eating disorder young. I hope to one day), I love makeup, I love purple, nail polish, feminine features of many kinds. That would be acceptable as a cis man. Or at last more so. Who wouldn't want to be a Freddie Mercury, a David Bowie, a Prince? But they're cis. They're born male. To me, as a feminine trans man I'd forever be "not trying hard enough."

I want to be able to dress and be how I like. Microdose testosterone for a slightly lower voice (sort of a gay voice I suppose), body hair, facial hair, and a couple other... benefits. Get top surgery. Wear nail polish, get a short haircut and style my hair regularly. Wear a dress shirt, or a waistcoat, ripped jeans or a skirt, thigh highs or skinny jeans. I want to wear converse or kitten heels or punk platforms.

I want to wear black but I want to be pretty. I want a black lip tint on some days and none on another. I want to wear flowers and frills and lace and glitter and fucking pride merchandise. I want to wear a T-shirt of a non-mainstream musical.

It's nauseating because nothing I go for will ever be enough for anyone. I'll never be man enough to be a "fag." I'll always have a different slur taped to my back. I want to dress and BE like a performance, like an aesthetic, follow my mood and likes and comfort, but I don't think it's possible.

Where could I live like that and be safe. Who could love me like that? What access could I get to that? Why is it scary to me? Why is it scary to THEM?

yeah i feel that, when I identified as a trans man in high school i wore dresses and skirts often cause well i didn't care and i liked wearing it and it made me happy. but oh my god, i got bullied HEAVILY. people reserve a special weird type of transphobia for trans men fr. once I graduated high school it was freeing to just be able to not care about what others thought of my presentation. im at the point in my life where i consider people a friend if they accept my werid fuckass identity and use my pronouns, and if they dont accept it they are just an aquaintance. it's a scary world. i hope at some point ur state gets a consent clinic otherwise i know this is CONTROVERSIAL but im pro DIY. if ur state has planned parenthood they sometimes do consent HRT.

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

yeah i feel that, when I identified as a trans man in high school i wore dresses and skirts often cause well i didn't care and i liked wearing it and it made me happy. but oh my god, i got bullied HEAVILY. people reserve a special weird type of transphobia for trans men fr. once I graduated high school it was freeing to just be able to not care about what others thought of my presentation. im at the point in my life where i consider people a friend if they accept my werid fuckass identity and use my pronouns, and if they dont accept it they are just an aquaintance. it's a scary world. i hope at some point ur state gets a consent clinic otherwise i know this is CONTROVERSIAL but im pro DIY. if ur state has planned parenthood they sometimes do consent HRT.

We have consent clinics but let's just say our state government has made... many many hoops. I'm also pro-DIY but I'm low income and good lord the price of some blood testing sites here! Besides, there isn't enough info on the proper DIY dosing for microdosing, and I want access to T cream alongside the injections for personal reason and that last time I checked can only get via a prescription and a compounding pharmacy in my area.

 

[ScottPilgram]

We have consent clinics but let's just say our state government has made... many many hoops. I'm also pro-DIY but I'm low income and good lord the price of some blood testing sites here! Besides, there isn't enough info on the proper DIY dosing for microdosing, and I want access to T cream alongside the injections for personal reason and that last time I checked can only get via a prescription and a compounding pharmacy in my area.

ah yeah i too want T cream that feels so hard to get and everytime i mention it to a doctor they go "T what???"

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

ah yeah i too want T cream that feels so hard to get and everytime i mention it to a doctor they go "T what???"

Last research I did it isn't available in the USA for anyone outside of a compounding pharmacy (which manufactures different versions of medicines), which obviously needs a prescription, and DIY I'd have to take into account the cream dosage towards my injected microdose. T cream is great due to the low alcohol content unlike gel.

 

[ScottPilgram]

Last research I did it isn't available in the USA for anyone outside of a compounding pharmacy (which manufactures different versions of medicines), which obviously needs a prescription, and DIY I'd have to take into account the cream dosage towards my injected microdose. T cream is great due to the low alcohol content unlike gel.

oof freaking balancing act Dx and yeah thats what i read on a million reddit threads. i dont want my t gel anywhere near where i'd want to even apply it LOL (gel is what i take)

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

oof freaking balancing act Dx and yeah thats what i read on a million reddit threads. i dont want my t gel anywhere near where i'd want to even apply it LOL (gel is what i take)

You might genuinely be using it for the same thing I intend to lmao. Yeah, gel is a no go. Especially with my autism, I'd end up tearing off my skin at the sensation

 

[ScottPilgram]

You might genuinely be using it for the same thing I intend to lmao. Yeah, gel is a no go. Especially with my autism, I'd end up tearing off my skin at the sensation

LOL i knew right when u mentioned T cream XD like trans people who want rlly only want it for 1 reason.

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

LOL i knew right when u mentioned T cream XD like trans people who want rlly only want it for 1 reason.

Damn its like that meme that goes "men only want one thing"

 

[MentalFuneral]

employment

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

As much as I don't like being a man, it sounds like being born a woman would have been so much worse. What with all the periods and misogyny and whatnot.

I don't really see myself as being anything but a male either even though there are a few ways I happen to deviate from that label. It's just too much of a headache for me to sort out though and like most males I don't actually care all that much about this sort of thing enough to delve deeper.

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

My gender identity has fluctuated a little over the years. I'm cis male for the most part. I have often wished I was a girl, but I could accept being a boy. I married a woman in college so I was a pretty typical straight family guy for a long time.

I started to have a more nuanced perspective when I got a job with a progressive queer-friendly tech company from San Fancisco. I realized I vibe more with the non-binary genderqueer part of the spectrum. I can be more feminine without being a girl, things like colorful clothing, nail polish, longer hairstyles, etc... It made it easier to connect with people, like every single cashier would complement my nails and start a conversation about it.

If I could change things, first I would want to be a bit more attractive of course. That could only have advantages in my view.

It's harder to say if I'd rather be a woman. I feel like my personality fits better with being a woman overall, so I probably would be happier. There would be disadvantages, but I think I would better accepted and have stronger social connections as a woman, which would compensate.

 

[ScottPilgram]

My gender identity has fluctuated a little over the years. I'm cis male for the most part. I have often wished I was a girl, but I could accept being a boy. I married a woman in college so I was a pretty typical straight family guy for a long time.

I started to have a more nuanced perspective when I got a job with a progressive queer-friendly tech company from San Fancisco. I realized I vibe more with the non-binary genderqueer part of the spectrum. I can be more feminine without being a girl, things like colorful clothing, nail polish, longer hairstyles, etc... It made it easier to connect with people, like every single cashier would complement my nails and start a conversation about it.

If I could change things, first I would want to be a bit more attractive of course. That could only have advantages in my view.

It's harder to say if I'd rather be a woman. I feel like my personality fits better with being a woman overall, so I probably would be happier. There would be disadvantages, but I think I would better accepted and have stronger social connections as a woman, which would compensate.

it took me a long time to realize i was happier outside of the binary itself, and yes def with community anyone can be strong. i'm really rooting for you

employment

i do find it sad that people in this thread cant look outside of my og question of "if there was no societal stuff holding u back what would ur ideal be" XD but i also think people just read the thread title and then comment. I'm employed in a retail job, on my nametag it has my trans work identity and it says he/him/they/them and i wear a skirt but to be fair i also live in a city so it may be different. the place i work at hired like majority trans people it was wild when i started working there, that was the most trans ppl i've ever worked with at a low level job.