Discussion What's keeping you here... (for now)?

[NemoZeno]

Everyone here: habit.

Most who have responded so far have s a habit of caring for the pets, friends, or parents so they either won't go until those die first or (unlikely) they forget about the suicidal.

Then there's the "habit" that is fear (of failure) or some other god forsaken emotion like guilt.

Habit is keeping us all here. Fuck habit.

 

[dmsdnd18]

It was fear but now it's more of lacking the materials needed for my intended method

 

[Kodama]

My Son & my Daughter...

 

[n0505]

fear...

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

The chance of locked-in syndrome via hypoxia scares the shit out of me.

What is that?
H

As I said about a year ago I'm still keeping hope that I'll meet someone who makes it all worth it, in which we help each other and experience safety from the others being. I havent made any progress, but Im not ready to give up hope either.

This is mine too, but Im on a time limit. I fear I wont have that chance meeting before my will to live gives out, but yes. Deep in my heart is to find that one.
Need to complete divorce.

 

[passenger27]

I'm just waiting for a package...

 

[Detour]

I don't want to traumatize my family. My mom has depression and I love her very much and I'm worried about how it'll affect her. I can't help it but everytime I think about ctb I become calm and at peace and my anxiety seems to go away.

 

[Moon Flower]

I need to write my note still, but I have a very close ctb date set that I won't let myself miss

 

[Mloureiro]

My husband, two kids and 5 parrots that think I am their mom.... so, it is hard to leave. Although my job is giving me a hard time, my daughter left for Uni, 4 hours away and is acting very cold. I can't change job because only her expenses are € 500 a month. And I have to consider my 14 year old son. . My CTB would screw them up. So, I have SN and everything ready along with guilt....

 

[CrushedHopes]

I'm still here because I'm waiting for my materials to arrive. Once they all come in, I'll be ready to go.

 

[Midnight]

I'm waiting for something to push me over the edge. I honestly don't know what else... It's been so long living like this i'm afraid i'll never do it unless something really fucks me up. I can't wrap my head arround how much worse i can feel each year and still not get it over with. I'm desperate for an end though i can't say that i'm near close enough to start planning. I'm near bankruptcy now and i figured it would have done the trick but i keep crawling on.

There's always some reason i should stay longer ... My family,loose ends i need to tie up,people i want to see one last time. Stuff i need to sell so i don't leave too much stuff behind. That lottery ticket in my pocket that might just be my ticket to happiness.. It's always something. That's why i need that push so i stop thinking about all that stuff arround me and focus on myself and ending this.

People may say it means that i shouldn't ctb etc but trust me i tried. I'll be like this unless something lifechanging happens or when i finally get it over with.

 

[End Piece]

Food, booze, and my new bf's huge dick.

 

[Kodama]

My children and my GF... and the guilt to leave them...
happy you, lonely guys !

 

[ChemicallyCalm]

fear (of ending up even more disabled, not a fear of doing it lol), my partner and my online friends.

and maybe just maybe the slightest sliver of hope that maybe shit will stop going wrong and happiness could be around the corner

 

[cowbain]

I don't know. I've already lost everything including myself. I don't have anyone to live for either. Maybe I'm still here because I didn't want to die being unloved but now I don't care anymore.

 

[cocodecomedy]

Fear, obviously. Hope - that ridiculous dumb hope I think we all have that life will change, the world will suddenly be kind and bright and beautiful. I'm too tired and empty to save myself but I do want someone to save me. As I get older though, I see more and more that noone is coming to save me and the world is cruel and people are mean and everyone is always in it for themselves (including me). So I want to do something good before I go, not because I want to be remembered well but because I want all my energy and struggle staying alive for the past 6 years to have been worth something. Very difficult task because I'm agoraphobic and have severe social anxiety and regular panic attacks but I feel like if I'm ctb I don't need to care what anyone thinks of me? Idk

 

[bea1974]

My beautiful, dearly beloved dog.

She turned 14 this summer. I knew and loved her mum, and was there for her birth. By the time she was 9 years old she had survived 6 surgeries to remove cancerous tumours. At 13 she was diagnosed with chronic kidney disease and given weeks to live.

She lost her hearing around two years ago.

She is currently very healthy, the vet calls her our miracle dog. She has regular fluid therapy and is on a very restricted diet, but has lots of energy and still outruns many of her much younger playmates in the park!

She's all I have and I am all she has. If I died first she'd be put in a cage in a shelter, and would probably die there. After 14 years of sharing my bed, only apart when I've had no choice due to being in hospital myself (I pay a local woman to have her during those times, a woman she loves and who has her sleep in her bed, but who could not and would not adopt her).

So I plan to stay around as long as she needs me. After she goes, I will be free to go.

 

[LastWhisper]

Nothing, just finishing my preparation. A dead body will have nothing to lose.

 

[JSauter]

What is that?
H

In a 'conventional' coma, one is not conscious of his vegetative state and cannot exercise volitional control to move (or feel pain). It is essentially being dead: One has the upper portions of the brain damaged and the lower portions are spared, but locked-in syndrome is characterized by damage to specific portions of the lower brain and brainstem, with no damage to the upper brain. This creates the stark, unholy nightmare of being conscious while you're unable to move (or have extremely limited movement). Read "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" a memoir dictated by the author's eyelids. "Ghost Boy" is another. A man in the UK (Tony Nicklinson) tried to fight for the right to die in this condition, and was denied (he eventually died of pneumonia). Can you imagine a government so evil, that it would torture someone like this? I can't imagine Hitler doing this to his worst enemies. He'd just gas them and get it over with.

 

[I screwed up]

For me its clearly my freaking SI and the fact I m too lazy and a bit scared to even go get the things I need to ctb . I hate myself

 

[CrushedHopes]

For me its clearly my freaking SI and the fact I m too lazy and a bit scared to even go get the things I need to ctb . I hate myself

What is going to be your method?

 

[Reyki6667]

Frigging waiting for my file for disability to get accepted in my country to rent an apartment in a remote place to have the privacy to end it.

 

[Dishonorable]

I am waiting for my meto..

 

[Kingkelly]

my job and finding a place to do it away from where i live so not to traumatize them. Other than that fuck this fuck life fuck plastic surgery and doctors. God i wish i died last year.

 

[I screwed up]

What is going to be your mitdethod?

Its SN , but I don't have a place for the stuff to get delivered to as my parents live with me.

 

[Silentdeath]

fear and family I guess, also survival instinct is a bitch. Really sucks when your brain wants to die but your body wants to live

 

[WearyWanderer]

My twin sister said if I did it she would too and that scares me. Her mind was permanently fucked up from sertraline and she said she feels like I'm the only one she can completely connect with anymore. I don't want to take that away from her.

Just me leaving would already be traumatic for my family, I can't imagine what both of us leaving would do but I also don't want to think about it too much or I'll feel too guilty to do anything.

Knowing that my older sister would have to explain to my innocent little nieces and nephews.

Plus my mom already lost a severely disabled son when I was like four so I witnessed firsthand how the grief of losing a child affected her.

But at the same time my life is so fucked that I don't see the point of staying just to prolong inevitable suffering.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

fear

 

[Sweet emotion]

I'm scared about doing this and am trying to work up the courage from people who have a
Ready done it. But that may be bout two people. I was just wondering what is everyone waiting for to die?

 

[Ambie]

Fear of failure, fear of the afterlife and that i'll end up even worse state