Discussion What’s a hard truth for you that you had to swallow?

[Erase.myself]

That I am a defective person beyond any help or repair.
That I crave, yet also despise chaos.
That those I thought were full of love, good intentions and honesty, turned out to be heartless, abusive, and cruel.
That horrible things happen to people with good hearts.
That no matter how hard I try to succeed at things in life (job, college, recovery from: mental illness, drugs, Anorexia)...I always fail.
That I will always be "too much" for people, "drama queen" , Moody, too depressed, etc.
That no matter how many pounds I lose, how much I shrink....I'm still me. Still a monster (internally).
I just want to erase myself already.

 

[depressedpolyaddict]

That I am a pathetic, schizoid, depressed and subhuman genetic catastrophe, that should have died years ago.
That lots of people love to gaslight me.
That I will never have a functional social life and partner.

 

[Pan]

That I am finished with living; I look back with great regrets. Was this what my life was to be about? Do we truly live or do we instead die slowly; each day, a little piece is take out of us until we are left, if you will, with skeletonized remains...

 

[muffin222]

That childhood trauma and a dysfunctional upbringing have scarred me in some ways that are truly permanent. I can work to become more self-aware and able to utilize different strategies to cope with the after effects, but I'll never be what I could have been with proper love and emotional support during my critical years. That's probably the #1 reason I'm suicidal

 

[GoneGoneGone]

That at age 17-18 I had already realized what was important in life, money and stability, to construct your own family. Then I was led to a path of a blitzy lifestyle, that traveling the world and working till burnout was somehow something to be valued... Only to discover again that my worldview at 17 was the correct one. So, not trusting my initial instinct is something that I will have to live with for the rest of my (hopefully short) life.

 

[Otter]

Most everyone's response in one way or another, boils down to: life.is.not.fair

 

[terry_a_davis]

2 for me, that my life being messed up is my sole responsibility and that I will be very lonely as I get older, the latter is why I believe I will ctb.

 

[Una Nancy]

The vast majority of people proves to be unreliable.

 

[Tiedie]

My hardest truth is that I am only happy when I'm delusional. My happiness is never real.

 

[SuicideBoys93]

That I know everything that I need to do in life to make things a bit happier but can't seem to grab it. Like I honestly know, it's like I'm staring at it, but never just reach out and grab it. I'm the person that can't seem to get out of the way of his own feet. Frustrating, it's like I love the misery.

 

[amygdala]

I'm just not good enough.

 

[StillWaiting]

I am on this by myself

 

[moonsafari]

That I can't make friends properly, and that lots of people will miss me so dearly when I pass. I don't wanna leave this emotional baggage on my family and friends, especially my friends. I have a huge family but only love my aunt and the grandmother the most.

It's especially hard for me to know that one of my close friends will be hit the hardest when I die. We'd gotten into the same uni along with some other friends and one night she posted about how she would be utterly devastated if someone wouldn't make it(through coronavirus, I presume)to the beginning of school next year. I knew she meant her closest friends, she said she uni wouldn't feel the same with someone missing.

But then again I can't care anymore. I'm giving up on all my relationships because I know the end is near.

 

[Cashewmilk]

That there is no god, and religions are lies. There is no point to life, I'm stuck here in hell I'm too scared to die and suck at CTB, I always fall off the first step.

 

[Outsider]

That I'm broken.
That my illnesses and problems are one of the worst things that can happen to a human being.
That I was destined to be like that since I was born.
That I'm unimportant and wont get any help or care from other people.
That it won't get better in the future no matter how hard i try.
That world and society is fucked up.

 

[mediocre]

That I'm stuck in this body and mind. That I'm not good looking. That I have no social life and no skills.

 

[Isittimetogonola]

That I am bisexual (more gay but still) still deep in the closet but was just outed by the soon to be demon ex of my best friend. Since the demon cant hurt my friend anymore, she is going to hurt all the people that are closest. My wife does not know so there may be a whole other situation to deal with. And my best friend is in a same sex marriage; however with this, she is even more determined to escape. There is an upside with that.

 

[Ardesevent]

Miracles don't exist. Nothing's going to suddenly show up and make everything bearable.

 

[dubio]

I can live as long as I give up my pride, which I am unwilling to do.

 

[maru.]

That i've had so many things people dream of, that people would kill to have (wealth, education, family, friends...), handed to me.
That i've never had to work hard a single day in my whole life.
That my life is a billion times easier than most people that go on forums like this.
That even with all of this, i'm still gonna waste this life and all of my opportunities regarless, all due to me being too lazy to do anything.
That i'm a privileged, whiny, lazy, self-pitying, spoiled fuck.

 

[Pryras]

As vain as it sounds,

If I was attractive then I wouldn't be in the situation I'm in now. I wouldn't be the second choice and people would respect me more.

Yes, who would want validation on a superficial basis but it's always going to be like that anyways. Superficial or not.

 

[UnluckyFew]

That I'm doomed to be a scared dumbfuck.

 

[maru.]

That I'm doomed to be a scared dumbfuck.

What are you scared of?

 

[UnluckyFew]

What are you scared of?

Mainly things that involves taking responsibility. I seem to fuck everything up. A king Midas in reverse, if you will. I hate seeing myself just ruin shit and a lot of the time, if not always, it has to do with my subpar cognition. And as the saying goes "you can't cure stupid".

 

[maru.]

Mainly things that involves taking responsibility. I seem to fuck everything up. A king Midas in reverse, if you will. I hate seeing myself just ruin shit and a lot of the time, if not always, it has to do with my subpar cognition. And as the saying goes "you can't cure stupid".

I see, well, i think you shouldn't feel too bad about yourself (crappy and obvious advice, but i'll try to explain).

The fact that you hate seeing yourself fail and "fuck everything up" means that you still care about the things you do and the people around you, that's a good starting point at least.

Also, if a lot comes down to your subpar cognition, that means that it isn't really your fault, you're trying your best, there's something getting in your way, but you still try to do what you can, that's something to be proud of i think.

 

[UnluckyFew]

I see, well, i think you shouldn't feel too bad about yourself (crappy and obvious advice, but i'll try to explain).

The fact that you hate seeing yourself fail and "fuck everything up" means that you still care about the things you do and the people around you, that's a good starting point at least.

Also, if a lot comes down to your subpar cognition, that means that it isn't really your fault, you're trying your best, there's something getting in your way, but you still try to do what you can, that's something to be proud of i think.

No, I can't really help it, but I still dislike myself nonetheless. I used to try, but at this point I've honestly given up. I could only handle disappointing myself so many times. Now I just isolate and try to get involved in as little as possible and hope to find a somewhat peaceful method to end this drudgery.

I appreciate your replies and concern, regardless. Thanks!

 

[maru.]

No, I can't really help it, but I still dislike myself nonetheless. I used to try, but at this point I've honestly given up. I could only handle disappointing myself so many times. Now I just isolate and try to get involved in as little as possible and hope to find a somewhat peaceful method to end this drudgery.

I appreciate your replies and concern, regardless. Thanks!

No problem, you can send me a pm if you want to talk more about it.

Edit: I just read the Rules FAQ again and you need to have a certain number of posts to send and receive a pm apparently, so i guess what i wrote above doesn't work... So, idk, if you want to talk more about it i guess it can be here or something, i'm not pushing you to do so tho, sorry if i'm giving that impression.

 

[MisanthropyInsanity]

That I would never be loved, and there is no hope for me to be.

 

[biboty]

That I'm not good at anything

 

[oneofthoseyoudontwan]

That i will never be happy again.