Discussion What would you say to your loved ones?

[whispers-of-sanity]

I have tried over and over to write suicide notes to my loved ones (Mom, Dad, brother, and boyfriend) and I never know what to say besides "I'm sorry". What would you say to your parents, siblings, or partners? How do I explain that this was inevitable since I started having suicidal thoughts at a preposterously young age and I was sort of doomed to eventually follow through but that they aren't at all at fault?

I am also writing absolutely vicious notes to my ex and her mother and that is one that I need the OPPOSITE kind of help on. Where do I STOP? The ex wasted 13 years of my life only to run crying to her pathetic and abusive piece of crap mother who both tasked me with fixing the ex and disliked me for the way I tried to do it, and I hate both of them more than I've hated anybody or anything else, which is saying something since I've been plagued with anger management issues for just about my whole life. They both know this, by the way, so they should, in theory, see this coming. What would you say to someone who you hated with all your body and soul if you could?

I'm not looking for advice on how to get over stuff. That ship has long since sailed. I am asking about how someone else would go about writing notes knowing how much they loved or hated individuals. Thank ye in advance.

 

[pretentioussuika]

I don't plan to leave a note for loved ones. In my experience, explanation is just an invitation for argument. Sharing your perspective just gives people space to disagree. Let them stay curious.

As for writing to your ex: keep it as brief as possible. That can still be several pages long, but cut out every ounce of fat. Try to avoid talking about how anything made you feel (i mean, it should be self-evident, right), just state what they've done plainly and clearly.

 

[ma0]

To my parents? Yeah, hell no. I'll let them find out for themselves.

 

[whispers-of-sanity]

I don't plan to leave a note for loved ones. In my experience, explanation is just an invitation for argument. Sharing your perspective just gives people space to disagree. Let them stay curious.

As for writing to your ex: keep it as brief as possible. That can still be several pages long, but cut out every ounce of fat. Try to avoid talking about how anything made you feel (i mean, it should be self-evident, right), just state what they've done plainly and clearly.

I originally didn't plan to leave a note, but my boyfriend found my account on here (Curse me for thinking that nobody was invested in me enough to Google my commonly-used username... I have since changed it though) and was very hurt that I didn't intend to leave a note, so now I feel like I should leave SOMETHING, even if it's just for him.

As for my ex, yeah, I should probably keep it short. The only thing is that she is extremely dense and has a tendency to think that she's perfect. She's one of those people who does everything wrong and then wonders why all of these bad things keep happening to her. So unless I write it all out in plain text, she isn't going to get the message, and I reeeeeally want her to get the message. But I will certainly consider your advice.

To my parents? Yeah, hell no. I'll let them find out for themselves.

Fair point. Honestly my mom can figure it out by herself. Like what did she expect as the conservative, catholic mother of a trans, gay, polyamorous person who she's never supported??? My dad is a really good guy, though, and we live together. I feel like leaving him a note explaining at least SOME part of it is the right thing to do, at least so he doesn't think any of it was his fault.

 

[pretentioussuika]

I originally didn't plan to leave a note, but my boyfriend found my account on here (Curse me for thinking that nobody was invested in me enough to Google my commonly-used username... I have since changed it though) and was very hurt that I didn't intend to leave a note, so now I feel like I should leave SOMETHING, even if it's just for him.

As for my ex, yeah, I should probably keep it short. The only thing is that she is extremely dense and has a tendency to think that she's perfect. She's one of those people who does everything wrong and then wonders why all of these bad things keep happening to her. So unless I write it all out in plain text, she isn't going to get the message, and I reeeeeally want her to get the message. But I will certainly consider your advice.

It's easy to want a note when you don't get one. It's also easy to complain and the note you get. In my eyes, the most important thing a note can do is to state how you want to be remembered.


I understand exactly what you mean about being dense. It's all the more reason to keep it straight and clinical. Waffling about will make their eyes glaze over. Telling them you were sad will make them roll their eyes. State their actions and words back to them and let them have the opportunity to wonder why they're important.

 

[outrider567]

They're all gone

 

[de_cache]

To my parents? Yeah, hell no. I'll let them find out for themselves.

Pyro?

 

[ma0]

Pyro?

...no? i don't think so at least

 

[XBunnyBoyx]

I'd outright tell my family that I hate them for abandoning me and vilifying me and invalidating my abuse and choosing to look at my abuser as a hero in death.

Ironically enough, after I die, then they'll tell everyone how much they "loved me" and "how I wish he knew how much he was loved".

 

[whispers-of-sanity]

I understand exactly what you mean about being dense. It's all the more reason to keep it straight and clinical. Waffling about will make their eyes glaze over. Telling them you were sad will make them roll their eyes. State their actions and words back to them and let them have the opportunity to wonder why they're important.

Huh. Yeah, you're right. I could wax on forever about everything she's done for 13 years but she's heard it all before again and again. Saying "Here is what you did and that's why I'm committing suicide" leaves very little room for interpretation and maybe that's the best I can do.

They're all gone

Well yes, they will be, theoretically. But I have the desire to "wrap things up" before I head out, for the good (Or not) of everything that I'm leaving behind. I have about three dozen little lives that I'm looking out for at this time, ranging from rare plants to snails to reptiles and mammals and so I'm leaving a big ole document on how to take care of them because I love them very much. I feel strongly about the other five humans that have been in my life for the last five years (extreme social anxiety is no joke!) so I want to "wrap things up" with them too, even though I won't be around to see the outcome, if that makes sense.

I'd outright tell my family that I hate them for abandoning me and vilifying me and invalidating my abuse and choosing to look at my abuser as a hero in death.

Ironically enough, after I die, then they'll tell everyone how much they "loved me" and "how I wish he knew how much he was loved".

Oh my mom is definitely getting a nasty note detailing how her lack of support throughout my entire life led me up to this point. My ex will probably also tell everyone how much she loved me regardless of what my note to her says even though she *checks notes* once made me sleep outside in a leaf pile with a possum. Sometimes I feel like it's a good damn thing she broke up with me because I get to sleep in my own bed every night...

 

[somehumanoid]

I am also writing absolutely vicious notes to my ex and her mother and that is one that I need the OPPOSITE kind of help on. Where do I STOP?

One option here is not to stop at all, write everything there is to write, without censorship, without worrying whether it makes sense, until there is nothing more to write – then burn it. You're writing it for you, not for them.

 

[FuneralCry]

That I find it the most torturous and futile burden to exist and I'd just always prefer to not exist than be tortured in this cruel, undesirable existence no matter what, I'd just never wish to be conscious of anything at all rather all I hope for is to not exist, non-existence truly is all that's desirable and positive for me and this existence just never should had been imposed at all. I never should had been forced to suffer in this futile existence that just causes harm and suffering and I'll just always find it so harmful to be burdened with this existence of suffering all for the sake of it no matter what, for me non-existence is the only peace and I'd always prefer to be at peace than suffer so unnecessarily in this existence just to be tortured by old age and cease existing anyway.

 

[Setmefree76]

I have tried over and over to write suicide notes to my loved ones (Mom, Dad, brother, and boyfriend) and I never know what to say besides "I'm sorry". What would you say to your parents, siblings, or partners? How do I explain that this was inevitable since I started having suicidal thoughts at a preposterously young age and I was sort of doomed to eventually follow through but that they aren't at all at fault?

I am also writing absolutely vicious notes to my ex and her mother and that is one that I need the OPPOSITE kind of help on. Where do I STOP? The ex wasted 13 years of my life only to run crying to her pathetic and abusive piece of crap mother who both tasked me with fixing the ex and disliked me for the way I tried to do it, and I hate both of them more than I've hated anybody or anything else, which is saying something since I've been plagued with anger management issues for just about my whole life. They both know this, by the way, so they should, in theory, see this coming. What would you say to someone who you hated with all your body and soul if you could?

I'm not looking for advice on how to get over stuff. That ship has long since sailed. I am asking about how someone else would go about writing notes knowing how much they loved or hated individuals. Thank ye in advance.

I'm not sure I'll bother with people I hate. They're not worth the emotional energy involved in putting down the words

Those I love and care about....probably just "sorry - but the world really won't notice my parting. Be happy and remember me well"

There won't be many of those to write though