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I've tried my last resort. Now I'm just using vices (legal ones - food, alcohol, cigarettes) to keep myself going until a miracle happens (either something changes or I find the ability to ctb). I actually experienced the ego death I think you are referring to but I experienced it after a significant traumatic event rather than from psychedelics. It just felt like my whole mind reset and it was like I was just at one with myself and the environment. I could still experience emotions, but I felt like my window of tolerance swung back open to a pre-traumatised state. It wasn't a euphoric experience, but it was a liberating, neutral one. No anxiety about the future because the moment was all that I focused on. During this time I even started having ESP-like experiences as well, one example being having a song in my head all day and then that song being the first to play in my YouTube mix (which is random each time and has 100's of songs) and I'd literally never searched for that song before. I didn't even know the name of it.
Sadly this free mindset didn't last, only for about 2-4weeks, can't say exactly as it felt like it came back slowly but really fast at the same time. This was just earlier this year and I haven't experienced it since. This experience has however shown to be that I am in fact a significantly traumatised individual, and now I have more compassion for myself in that department.
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Ghost2211, Lostandlooking and botanormal
I'm already working on my last resort, trying to find someone who'd make life worth living for though I already realize how that's not a great way to go about it. Other than that, I'm more or less resigned to my eventual ctb in 2022.
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Ghost2211, Deleted member 24152, Lostandlooking and 1 other person
Same. I have still some DMT left, but still have not the courage to consume it because its so unpredictable and deeply mind-altering and spiritual. But i have promised myself i should try at least one last time DMT, before i ctb - maybe it can show me a way out before its to late.
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Depressed hamster, Ghost2211, botanormal and 1 other person
1. I have no friends and am flying solo, the idea of having a bad trip alone terrifies me. I used to do shrooms when I could but I was young and brazen and now i'm an older coward.
2. starting low and easing up let's me experiment with what a safe macrodose would be should i decide to try that (and I expect I will)
3. There's lots of info out there about micro dosing and it's more studied than macro dosing, because typically that's just chasing a high (which can be great in itself) but i'm looking for a long term solution and shrooms are not easy to find.
Same. I have still some DMT left, but still have not the courage to consume it because its so unpredictable and deeply mind-altering and spiritual. But i have promised myself i should try at least one last time DMT, before i ctb - maybe it can show me a way out before its to late.
Doing OCD outpatient, 2 hours therapy per week, TMS, hypnotherapy and Zoloft. If none of that helps I will move to Spain or Hawaii to see if that makes life better. If not still probably CTB.
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muffin222, Lostandlooking, Ghost2211 and 1 other person
I have no last resort. I guess this job and apartment are my last resort. If I fuck this up, I'm out of here. Tired of trying and failing, and I won't be homeless again.
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muffin222, Lostandlooking, Gnip and 2 others
I might collect all the old capsules of fluoxetine I have stored up, maybe as much as 250,000 mg (possibly more), and blast my brain with it to discover if all those positive OD CTB attempt outcomes apply to me. I just don't know however. My serotonin receptors may be destroyed or shot at this stage, as indicated by my complete lack of withdrawal symptoms to some extremely powerful addictive high dose prescription medications.
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muffin222, Lostandlooking and Ghost2211
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