Venting what the fuck is wrong with me

[アホペンギン]

Recently i have joined a discord chat group among my friends andafter reading the chat a little bit i learned that they were learning languages. Because of this, i decided to start learning languages too, or, at least try to. One of them is living in Sweden right now and they are filipino. I dont know when they started learning swedish or even if theyre learning it but ive become envious of them. Most people in the chat group are learning japanese too while i am learning japanese too. I dont know whats wrong with me but whenever i see someone doing better than me my day gets ruined. for example, right now, thats exactly what happened. i have only been learning japanese for a few weeks and i dont even study every day and at the same time i am trilingual but i still feel like im a failure. (i speak french, english and portuguese.) I dont know what the fuck is wrong with me why am i like this and because im like this, im even considering ending learning japanese. what should i do?

edit: i'm like this because of my father, he taught me to be the best and that is still drilled inside of me despite having no energy to do anything at this point. i posted a story that talks about this if you'd like to check it out. it wasn't a very long time ago so it will be easy to find i hope

 

[black.dahlia]

i know what it feels like to be worthless compared to everyone else, im sorry you have to go through that almost every day. i know its easier said than done, but you learning this language and continuing this hobby should only continue if you enjoy it. dont let anyone else get in the way of something *you* enjoy.
i know youll always have this voice drilled in the back of your mind telling you that you need to be better than everyone else, and thats really difficult to overcome. but a good way to filter it out is to ask yourself if what youre doing gives you any type of positive self fulfillment at all. doesnt even have to make you that happy, could just be a nice distraction from everything. try your very best to do things that make you even a tiny bit happy, thats all that matters. (especially if youre on this forum)

 

[Homo erectus]

Sometimes the world allows mediocre people to have a good life. But this world right now is probably not at that part of the cycle, and is actually moving away from that. Everyone has to be best just to have a reasonably life.