Discussion What should i do with all the trauma i have from other people ive known who Ctb?

[Blueberry Panic]

I've lost so many friends and two exes who ctb and everyday it gets harder to not want to join them in death. I have ptsd from some of the memories and everyday the feelings of regret eat away at me. How do I deal with this?

 

[Dot]

Hve u evr gottn grif counsllng

 

[Blueberry Panic]

Hve u evr gottn grif counsllng

No .

 

[kotonearisato]

I've lost so many friends and two exes who ctb and everyday it gets harder to not want to join them in death. I have ptsd from some of the memories and everyday the feelings of regret eat away at me. How do I deal with this?

There's no easy answer. I really wish there was - I'm sorry you've lost so many people. I've lost too many in this way, too. We're always told that it gets easier with time, but I haven't found that to be true at all.

Personally, the main thing I've found to make it a little more bearable is to write to them. Usually I'll do this in a diary type thing, but anywhere works, even messaging them on old social media accounts or something if they're still there. I've done that before. But I write everything I'm feeling, what I want to say to them about what happened, and just about my life. It's hard when you keep going and they're frozen in time. So I like to tell them about what I've been up to, what's changed in my life, what they've missed since leaving. I'll also apologize, I'll write down what I would've done differently if I knew... It doesn't fix the feeling, the grief is always with me, but it helps get through the day when it feels too much.

 

[Forever Sleep]

To be fair, the only people I've 'known' who have CTB have been members here. So, it's not really quite the same or, so intense I imagine. With them though, even though I still (selfishly) miss them, I have to remind myself that it was their choice to go and I respect that we are all entitled to make that choice.

If it's more a case that you worry that you could or should have done more to stop them, I don't know. Could someone change your mind? Could they really change your life to the extent that you wouldn't want to CTB? I'm not sure all people can be saved.

I think mourning loved ones is always difficult though. I've experienced a lot of loved ones dying by natural death. I'm not sure it's something I've ever gotten over or, even wanted to get over in a way. They are gone. I'll never get to see them again. Why wouldn't I be sad about that? It's natural to miss them.

If it's something you want to fight though. If CTB yourself is something you want to resist then, I think Dot may have a point. I'm sure there are support services out there to help people who are grieving.

 

[Griever]

I lost my best friend to suicide and I don't know how to live without her

 

[Blueberry Panic]

I lost my best friend to suicide and I don't know how to live without her

Time ... lots of time

 

[Griever]

Time ... lots of time

I have no time

 

[Blueberry Panic]

I have no time

I don't either