What should I do about my ex?

[OminousDarkness]

I recently got out of a toxic relationship and decided to message one of my old exes on Instagram. We were together for five years, and she was my first love. After not speaking for a few years, it felt amazing when she replied. Now that we're talking again, I realize I still love her and want to be with her.

That said, I know she needs time for herself—she's dealing with a lot, including her job and grieving the loss of her mother. I've told her that I'll always be there for her no matter what because my feelings for her are so strong.

But if I can't get her back, I feel hopeless, even suicidal at times. It's hard to imagine life without her. She's shared that I caused her trust issues and trauma, which hurts to hear because I know I made mistakes. She also said she hates people who do drugs, and during our relationship, I struggled with alcohol and drug addiction. I know I hurt her, and I deeply regret it.

Since then, I've turned my life around. I'm sober now, and I've told her how much I've changed. I've also expressed how much I love her and that she was the best girlfriend I've ever had.

This situation is so heavy on my heart. Any advice would mean the world to me.

 

[Worndown]

You had a few relationship issues that caused a breakup.
Learn from these.

 

[unworthy_]

She needs time. Support her while not pressuring her into the relationship. Once a woman is broken, she is broken forever. I hope you well. Get better

 

[2minutes2ctb]

I often hear or read people saying that feeling suicidal about loosing someone from a breakup doesn't make sense. I don't agree. Some losses, whatever their nature, can be hard to process and difficult or even impossible to grieve. There's nothing wrong with that.

If you guys are meant to be together, I'm sure you'll find a way. Just don't rush things and give her some time, being involved in a relationship again is probably not at the top of her mind right now. Traumas can leave (ugly) scars which are sometimes difficult to live with.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

You probably don't want to hear this...but I wouldn't get your hopes up. You likrely just setting yourself up for disappointment. Women forgive, but they never forget.

 

[Salting the wounds]

It sounds like you can't do much, if she needs your space you can't force that.
Trust me, don't make yourself look needy, quite the opposite.

 

[dark archon]

I would give her space. If she's ready to try again she will tell you.