Busridin'26
Hating every minute of being alive.
- Dec 8, 2019
- 1,933
So with everything going on with SN should I just forget about it as a method? The concept of a welfare check doesn't really scare me per say bc I've had way too many happen. At least if I knew there was a possibility I might feel a bit more calm/prepared.
I'm definitely regretting not buying it last month UGH.
So, now I'm wondering
1. Is it still possible to purchase?
2. Like if not what now...
3.... ig it may be time to navigate the darkweb I dunno. That 5 drug combo from the PPeH is looking more and more worth the hassle as the days go on.
I just feel done asf with life and honestly pretty bitter that this is happening. Instead of governments and such taking their head outta their asses and changing things so life is actually liveable. Instead of looking at the oppressive systems that exist, they just want to block & blame individuals. This world is a sick fucking joke honestly.
Like maybe start giving people on disability enough for their treatments and food. Like maybe start at the fucking basics of fucking survival??? And even then. God I could go on a very extensive rant but I'll stop there with that.
Before I joined here I used to feel so bad I wished I had/would get cancer. And then feel guilty about it. I still feel... a way. I wish I could access MAID but nope even that is being gatekept in a way that isn't fucking proper or fair. I just keep getting sicker in ways but no terminal illness so I can die with dignity...
I've just wanted to leave this world in some kinda peace but now im worried I'm going to have to resort to jumping off a bridge my original fucking plan that I attempted many times but couldn't do it. May just have to force that. Or drowning. Which again almost attempted mang times but obv SI was too fucking strong.
Damn this is depressing. How the fuck am I supposed to get SN now? It was my last resort....
I refuse to stay stuck in this painful fucking existence. I refuse to be forced to live. Worried I might be forced to do something though bc its seeming like things are only gettong harder both in life and trying to kill myself.
Fuck this world. It's not enough to be suffering enough to want to die. To be ready to fight every built in human instinct and take my life myself but doing it in some kinda humane way has to be blocked too... just wtf.
I'm definitely regretting not buying it last month UGH.
So, now I'm wondering
1. Is it still possible to purchase?
2. Like if not what now...
3.... ig it may be time to navigate the darkweb I dunno. That 5 drug combo from the PPeH is looking more and more worth the hassle as the days go on.
I just feel done asf with life and honestly pretty bitter that this is happening. Instead of governments and such taking their head outta their asses and changing things so life is actually liveable. Instead of looking at the oppressive systems that exist, they just want to block & blame individuals. This world is a sick fucking joke honestly.
Like maybe start giving people on disability enough for their treatments and food. Like maybe start at the fucking basics of fucking survival??? And even then. God I could go on a very extensive rant but I'll stop there with that.
Before I joined here I used to feel so bad I wished I had/would get cancer. And then feel guilty about it. I still feel... a way. I wish I could access MAID but nope even that is being gatekept in a way that isn't fucking proper or fair. I just keep getting sicker in ways but no terminal illness so I can die with dignity...
I've just wanted to leave this world in some kinda peace but now im worried I'm going to have to resort to jumping off a bridge my original fucking plan that I attempted many times but couldn't do it. May just have to force that. Or drowning. Which again almost attempted mang times but obv SI was too fucking strong.
Damn this is depressing. How the fuck am I supposed to get SN now? It was my last resort....
I refuse to stay stuck in this painful fucking existence. I refuse to be forced to live. Worried I might be forced to do something though bc its seeming like things are only gettong harder both in life and trying to kill myself.
Fuck this world. It's not enough to be suffering enough to want to die. To be ready to fight every built in human instinct and take my life myself but doing it in some kinda humane way has to be blocked too... just wtf.
