What my depression is like

[Some place nice]

A woman, dressed in a long glowing white dress, the fabric flowing around her and drapes off her shoulders and arms. A white hat as round as the sun big and glowing white, a veil glowing white floats around her. smooth tan skin with straight black hair as long as the dress. when she walks it's almost like she floats. She sits behind me hugging me from behind, lays her head on my shoulder. a quiet deep smooth voice, "I'm here, don't worry my sweet, just rest now, you're safe here with me." I lay down and she cuddles me, pets my head.
"You always have a way out my love." But how? which method will work? But what about- "shh, we will find a way my love." But I have someone who loves me! "Who could ever love you? only me, not even your family loves you, but I do" She reminds me of every way everyone showed that they don't care, except one. I know he loves me, she is strong tho I think she will win if I can't get out, but I can't get out, so she will win. I open my eyes to look in her eyes, she doesn't exist physically, she is my depression. A beautiful woman who loves me and refuses to let go, my first love, the one who will kill me.

 

[BrainShower]

I think your description is fantastic. I relate with anthropomorphizing your depression, because I do as well.

My depression is like this...
A 100 pound vampiric monkey with a cruel, jeering face and sharp claws that are embedded in my body is permanently attached to my back, He whispers in my ear, when his fangs are not too busy sucking my blood. His voice is deep, raspy, and persuasive.
He says things like,

"You disgusting freak, you are too stupid to live. How dare you steal the resources from people who could do amazing things with their lives, while you go on existing like a slug. You were born with so much promise, and you lived up to exactly 0% of it. You have only ever caused pain to anyone who ever invested anything in you, and it's no surprise that nobody is interested at this point. Also you are ugly, boring, and a talentless, uninteresting fraud. Nobody will ever love you, and anyone that does will regret it."

And the monkey never stops. It has an inexhaustible energy supply. Even though I know that the monkey lies, i can never make it stop. And sometimes, especially when i am tired, I can't tell whether it's the monkey or me who is talking.
I try to ignore the monkey, but it always weighs me down and i cannot shut it up.
Sometimes, a lot of the time, it is easier to just believe the monkey and stop fighting. It would be easier to just go away.
That's why I sleep for 20+ hours every chance I get, which is not often. It is like a miniature inpermanent death, and I always am sad when it is over.

 

[dinosavr]

Oh wow, I absolutely adore this description. It's exactly how it works for some people and what people don't understand and never talk about. They always say depression is an illness, huge never ending pain etc, but I actually love it and miss it every time I get better for a day or two.
Thank you for this post!

 

[lotus11]

Great descriptions, totally relatable