Discussion WHAT is stopping you from committing?

[Gavr1212]

I hate knowing that my death will scar my children forever. I don't want to hurt them... although I'm sure them seeing me in a state where I'm unstable and emotionally withered to the point of helplessness isn't good for them, either.

 

[Maxximilian]

The suffering of my family, mom and brother

 

[Painpleasure]

I am currently alive and postponing suicide because I'd like to inflict immense pain onto those who made my life miserable. I find unthinkable to kill myself before they have atoned for the wrongs they committed against me. This is what gives me motivation to live every day.

In addition, I find it unacceptable that those who remain will speak badly of me when I'm dead and when I cannot defend myself. I find it much more acceptable for me to defend myself and beat (physically harm) those who want to speak disparagingly of me.

 

[laserfocus111]

Not gonna do it so soon cos I wonder what's going to happen in the afterlife.

Eternal nothingness and peace?

Hell?

Reincarnation and another attempt at life (as an animal destined for the slaughterhouse?)? Or as a human born in a place like North Korea or something? I don't know.

 

[Genetics]

Suicide, a term that is taboo in society.

Whats stopping you from taking action and succeeding?

Family & Friends?

Survival Instincts?

Fear of Death?

Other problems that have to be resolved?

I'm curious. Real curious.

I have to wait until at least 2031 (when my grandsons are adults).

I don't fear death, death isn't something to fear. It's just nothing. Your dead, you know nothing anymore, what's to fear.

I fear drawn out pain and being unsuccessful.

 

[UnluckyFew]

Lack of access to a somewhat peaceful method. I'm working on it, though.

 

[VolatilePotato]

Nothing now. A few weeks ago, it was hope for treatment, my SO, myself, my cat. I can't get into treatment unless I am hospitalized, losing my ability to make my own choices and triggering my ptsd, my SO left because I'm a lying piece of shit and left out shit I shouldn't have, and my cat deserves better. I have no faith in myself, I'm exhausted in many ways and done fighting.

 

[sadgirl2002]

The hope of the one I love coming back to me. Nothing else. I'm not afraid of death and I truly don't care about anyone else, I would leave everyone in a heartbeat other than him, as heartless as it sounds. I have the money for N saved up, I'm just waiting for now, for him to return to me.

 

[Aonewayticketplease]

Hmmmmmmm...yes and no, I'll get back to you

 

[Tamazi 123]

Fear, the deep down knowledge I haven't really tried hard enough to get better, a very supportive husband and an 18m old daughter. I have panic disorder about anxiety because when I was 13 I had bad anxiety at boarding school. So now when I feel it I panic and it becomes this big thing that goes on and on and unless I was at my home school or working and could distract myself around people and work I would get suicidal as a means to escape. I had 8 good years but after having a baby and being at home while my husband was away and dealing with my parents divorce, I had a big break down and I've been battling severe anxiety and depression and suicidal urges whenever I'm in a high anxiety state. If I'm not highly anxious I'm not suicidal. Its also the fear of never getting better. But I suppose I should try all avenues first as I do have a good mental health support team. It's just it gets so strong and I just want to end it. My Mum also committed suicide late last year after an argument with me and my husband because she also had anxiety and depression and I haven't dealt with that yet either. Sorry this sounds like a therapy session!

 

[ithappens]

I would ruin the lives of the two people that have ever truly cared about me. I dunno if I'll be able to hold out a helluva lot longer though.

 

[shallow]

My 5yo twins

 

[Anon2662]

Being in lockdown in a house with my mum and sister.. I don't want them finding me or my body.. plus if I'm being honest, a tiny bit of what is stopping me is the fear of what comes after.. as much as I feel like I'm living in a Hell, I don't want to buy myself a bus ride to an eternal one.. which is stupid because I'm not religious.. but it's a fear of the unknown I suppose..

 

[Sc@red&C0nfused]

The main thing preventing me from CTB is COVID-19 and lockdown. I finally have everything I need and have found a place to do it, but I'm currently living with my parents and have no excuse to leave the house for a long period of time. If I go out for a walk/run or to the supermarket my mum always wants to come with me.

I never wanted my parents to find my dead body in their house or have to do CPR on me, but in desperation I have thought about taking the OD at night at home. I feel awful inflicting that on my parents. I also risk being disturbed in less than 24 hours after ingesting the OD, which is the least amount of time I need for the attempt to be successful so taking it at home would really be a last resort.

I also feel ashamed and incredibly guilty for wanting to CTB when NHS staff and the police are working so hard in such difficult times. I feel so bad for those NHS staff who have lost their lives fighting COVID-19. If my attempt failed and I took valuable hospital resources such as an ITU bed I would feel beyond awful. I also worry about the police and my parents coming into contact with COVID-19 if they were to try and look for me. I have found a secret place to CTB, but it's over an hour's walk away.

I am scared of failing again too and of the unknown of what happens when you die. I am frightened the police will find me before I get the chance to OD and Section me again. I'm afraid of being found alive, getting admitted to a general hospital for treatment of the OD, being put on Section 2, and then being admitted to a psychiatric ward again. I really don't want that to happen, but I can't be 100% sure the OD will work.

I come from a medical background working in a hospital and want to help fight COVID-19, but have been declared unfit for work in any capacity due to my mental health. It crushes me and makes me feel completely worthless. I've signed up as a NHS Volunteer Responder, donated to local foodbanks, and plan to give blood before I CTB to try and make myself feel like I am helping and doing some good.

The fact that there is a national crisis and I commit suicide doesn't sit well with me. When I'm well, the real me is a fighter and would help others and come up with new initiatives to resolve problems, not just quit. I don't want people to think I CTB because of COVID-19. This mental torture has been going on for years, I made several suicide attempts in 2013 and 2019 and spent most of last year in hospital. The thing is as much as I want to stay in control, I can't control what people think and say about my suicide.

I feel I want to explain all my reasoning in a letter before I CTB. I must write a list of all the things I need to do before I CTB. Enough of my ramblings, sorry to write so much.

 

[oneess]

My closest friend, both of our best friends CTB'd and we don't want to cause that pain to each other. Idk how to put it in other words..

 

[FusRohDracarys]

Fear of failing. I've attempted before and failed, and the psych ward was somewhere I swore I would never go back.

Guilt of hurting my partner.

Guilt of leaving my pets uncared for or improperly cared for.

And honestly, disappointment with myself. When I die, I want it to be by suicide. But I want to go out on top. I want to crush it in my career, I want to have my financial affairs in order, to have my projects completed to satisfaction. I want to be pleased with how I look and feel about myself. And right now I'm desperately craving an out but these are not at all the circumstances I would choose to leave in living memory of me.

 

[Deathbydemo]

Ultimately, I realised slowly, day by day, that life is worth living. When I wrote my first post here, I was hurting and couldn't see a way out. Reading back on my posts I don't even recognise that person, despite it only being a few months ago. Also I have a little boy who deserves a loving mother.