Discussion What does your life feel like?

[Meena]

Taking new resolutions that i don't execute.
Some days when i rarely feel good i make projects like exercising , loosing weight , find a job, take care of myself. But all these resolutions don't last and i find myself the day after depressed and vulnerable.
So i try to forget i am a loser by taking xanax. 4 pills a day.
I go also to church praying god for some mercy begging him to save me from this hell. Without any success

 

[AndyCurious]

I'm so sorry, Andy. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. My moms been real sick as well lately and scares me to death to think of losing either of my parents. Don't think there'd be much left for me when that happens. Life is so hard, and unfair.

Thank you, and sorry to hear about your mom.. Big hugs <3

 

[Shanks]

Sad...

 

[Niko]

Taking new resolutions that i don't execute.
Some days when i rarely feel good i make projects like exercising , loosing weight , find a job, take care of myself. But all these resolutions don't last and i find myself the day after depressed and vulnerable.
So i try to forget i am a loser by taking xanax. 4 pills a day.
I go also to church praying god for some mercy begging him to save me from this hell. Without any success

Yeah resolutions.. the amount of resolutions I've made and failed just astound me. I can still trick myself into thinking 'this time's gonna be different' but it always crashes and burns and I end up back in a hole. But I still like making them for some reason, and I'll probably wake up tomorrow ready to make some again..

I've tried that xanax thing, I had like .25 of it but it just made me tired, does it affect you differently? I was curious as to whats the big deal about it, but it didn't get me 'high' really. I guess I don't suffer from general anxiety enough to notice it.

And I think the church thing your doing is good actually. Some people might roll their eyes when they hear anything about religion but I think whatever gets you through your day is fine by me. And for some folks having faith in something is all they feel they've got in this world.
Keep going.

 

[iHeartRockArt]

Thank you, and sorry to hear about your mom.. Big hugs <3

Thank you too. Big hugs back to you.

 

[xBones]

my life feels like a background character of a movie. i am barely existing in this life, including in the lives all around me. i feel like i blend in with the walls, because even when i try to picture what my life is exactly, its blank. waste of time and space

 

[AndyCurious]

Thank you too. Big hugs back to you.

You are very welcome :) <3

 

[NoOneKnows]

I am cursed

 

[LiveSlowDieFast]

It's when you're unable to fit in anywhere. Ever.

 

[lv-gras]

atm a lot of struggle

 

[Fucking loving it]

Torture. Constant grief from my 10 year old daughter passing away. My life has been abuse of all kinds since I was a child. PTSD tortures me. I'm hypervigilant.. My bipolar constantly fucks with me. So does my agoraphobia. I never leave home except for appointments.
A day in my life is sleeping until about 11. Then sitting on my couch all day. Watching TV or zoning out to the tv or on SS. Crying. Screaming. Self harming. Wallowing in my own sewage of a life while I collect SSI.

 

[OkTotti]

Torture. Constant grief from my 10 year old daughter passing away. My life has been abuse of all kinds since I was a child. PTSD tortures me. I'm hypervigilant.. My bipolar constantly fucks with me. So does my agoraphobia. I never leave home except for appointments.
A day in my life is sleeping until about 11. Then sitting on my couch all day. Watching TV or zoning out to the tv or on SS. Crying. Screaming. Self harming. Wallowing in my own sewage of a life while I collect SSI.

*hugs and cuddles*

 

[RogueJuliet]

It all feels fundamentally *wrong* - wrong and wasteful, really, like someone hastily cleaning an entire bathroom with paper towels and scrubbing bubbles. There are better uses for the tools at hand and what is being expended isn't any good at the task. I think that's my problem. This... whatever pathology in place... is immutable, as much a part of me as my right leg. Fine. No matter how I die, or when, it will be largely my own fault. I knew that from a young age and was OK with it, but I feel like I've been sawing off chunks to fit somewhere I was never meant to.

I was never going to be happy (full stop.)

I was never going to be satisfied with anything less than fulfilment. That isn't possible now. I used to be able to use this, at least... If I was destined to be on fire until consumed, I could at least make beautiful arcs against the backdrop of night.

..but I'm not making sense anymore.

 

[Niko]

Torture. Constant grief from my 10 year old daughter passing away. My life has been abuse of all kinds since I was a child. PTSD tortures me. I'm hypervigilant.. My bipolar constantly fucks with me. So does my agoraphobia. I never leave home except for appointments.
A day in my life is sleeping until about 11. Then sitting on my couch all day. Watching TV or zoning out to the tv or on SS. Crying. Screaming. Self harming. Wallowing in my own sewage of a life while I collect SSI.

That sounds intense to say the least. I hope you can find peace sometime somewhere, and that does not necessarily have to be ctb by the way. Just any kind of peace anywhere. Thankyou for sharing : )

 

[Niko]

It all feels fundamentally *wrong* - wrong and wasteful, really, like someone hastily cleaning an entire bathroom with paper towels and scrubbing bubbles. There are better uses for the tools at hand and what is being expended isn't any good at the task. I think that's my problem. This... whatever pathology in place... is immutable, as much a part of me as my right leg. Fine. No matter how I die, or when, it will be largely my own fault. I knew that from a young age and was OK with it, but I feel like I've been sawing off chunks to fit somewhere I was never meant to.

I was never going to be happy (full stop.)

I was never going to be satisfied with anything less than fulfilment. That isn't possible now. I used to be able to use this, at least... If I was destined to be on fire until consumed, I could at least make beautiful arcs against the backdrop of night.

..but I'm not making sense anymore.

I like your analogy here! because yeah for me life can feel like a tedious never ending chore that doesn't even lead to something worthwhile. and it's true too(i think), you do have to saw pieces of yourself off to fit into the square pegs that society demands, and that just sucks.

 

[Jenna]

I had a great life until it was harmed by psychiatry.

 

[cupio dissolvi]

Looking for a needle in a haystack...

 

[tommyhalpinkelly]

It feels entirely confusing. I had some mania 4/5 years back and it felt like things around me were not happening by chance.

Now, the opposite feels like its happening.

 

[Niko]

It feels entirely confusing. I had some mania 4/5 years back and it felt like things around me were not happening by chance.

Now, the opposite feels like its happening.

you know i experienced something similar(i think?) to this too, oddly enough. i just chalk it up to the fact that i was younger and stupider and probably in denial about a lot of things. But ever since then life has felt more and more random & meaningless which isn't much fun either.

 

[BjartNO]

Like it's never going to amount to anything but pain and disappointment