Venting What do you tell yourself about your parents?

[EmpressDean]

I have been socially isolated most of my life. Even my aunts uncles and cousins don't engage with me even with I try to talk to them. My older sister treats me like trash and my other sister doesn't understand my pain. I'll always wonder why people dislike me so much and why I'm always the excluded no matter how hard I try to reach out. I can get past that and accept they won't want me. It fuels me to die. What I can't convince myself it's ok to die is my parents. Even though I tell them why I'm depressed, and they don't take it seriously, my parents are the only people who treat me like I matter. That I'm human. But I want to die. My parents will die one day and I will be alone and I'll probably be worse off too. But everytime I go through my thoughts spiraling on why it's ok to die because of the isolation and pain, I think of my parents and how it could hurt them. Maybe even send them in an early grave. What do you tell yourselves when you love your parents, but your pain is too great to get past? How do you get past the guilt of not wanting to hurt them?

 

[notreallybored]

ב''ה, as much as I have situations and opinions about this, if they still care about you, risk making the world a more liveable place while they're around to salvage you from fuck-ups. In USA this amounts to business, what with business being one of the few legally privileged activities anymore.

 

[Epilogue]

You kinda don't. There's no escaping the fact that some people are going to get hurt. The only thing you can do is wait for them to move on (my way) or if you feel your pain is too much to bear, then it's not wrong to prioritise yourself above others.

It's your life, think about what and how you want to or not want to do something, then make a plan and follow it through.

 

[dOm!n!K]

I feel you OP. My parents never treated my problems seriously and laughed them off but in the end I can't help but think of my father when I'm spiraling and considering ending it. Personally I don't think I'll ever be able to get rid of this guilt. Some people are bound to be hurt if someone ctbs. Personally now I'm just trying to stick around, see if maybe world will get better for me. If I can't take it anymore while he's still alive, I'll make sure to write a long paragraph in my note telling him how much I loved him and how he was what made me stay here. If your suffering is too much to handle, it's your time to prioritise yourself over others, even if it sadly will hurt them.

 

[Nadir]

They put you here. They rolled the dice on who you'd be, what your experience of life would be and you ended up wanting to leave. If they had the freedom to do that, then you have the freedom to leave. Your parents are probably shit, sorry but if you've ended up wanting to die then some part of that is their fault. This life, any human life, is a curse, a burden, weak vulnerable creature fueled by a million cognitive blind spots which obscure the so painfully obvious truth that it's better to never have been. Life isn't worth it.