What do you feel most of the time

[onthefence]

Overwhelmed and numb.

 

[Fall_Apart]

Over 20 years of antidepressant medications abuse, is making me numb like a robot, but my negative thoughts are always there.

 

[SadFoxDreamer83]

What I feel all the time is...
1 feelings of hatred towards the system... if you don't get money you become a human cockroach.
2 feelings of resentment towards the universe and towards God, for not giving me even the slightest chance to improve my situation.
3 hatred towards the people who have abandoned me since I don't have a single coin in my pocket, the friends I had forever abandoned me and blocked me when they saw that I became a beggar.
4 frustration because I know that I can still be happy, even being totally alone, but I need to escape from here and find a way to earn some money so I can eat.
5 hatred towards my parents for all the years of psychological abuse, insults, abandonment, and contempt they have always had for me.
6 lack of hope
7 extreme anxiety, sometimes with panic attacks in which I punch my face and body until I end up tired and covered in wounds.
8 feelings of supplication to God, please if you don't want to help me, let me die and stop suffering
9 sometimes I have days where I try to be positive, I try to exercise, fast, etc, but I end up realizing that it doesn't help me get out of my situation.
10 feelings of extreme rage where I literally want to escape from this shitty town by walking until I have no legs left.

 

[unworthy_]

Today is 11.26am, 08 Feb 2025
My heart is pounding but I cannot feel a thing. I cannot express my emotion but I know I am sweating..
My ex broke up with me because I did not visit his late grandparent last year which means he did not get to see his grandchild's SO. My ex late grandfather passed away before Chinese New Year and he hated me so much and broke up with me due to this. I deeply regret my action last time. Ntg could change his mind. I am trying to offer everything I have to him and he rejected me outright.

I am emotionless right now....
I have no purpose anymore. I am 40y soon...
I lost the person whom I thought loved me so much...
I lost the person I thought whom I could be with for the rest of my life...
I lost him....

 

[unworthy_]

12.51pm. 08 Feb 2025
I cried so much that right now I am numb. I really hope I don't have to feel this anymore. Heart break hurts. Stagnation in life hurts. Hurting people hurts. I dont know when this agony will end or whether I could make peace with it. I choose not to move on and forget him because he will always be my person. I love him so much. I hope I could tell him this one last time and not I like him. I have never told him ever. I have never shown him any affection and I regret that. I regret for not meeting his grandparents while they were alive. I wish the dead is me....

I feel I cant do so right now because my ill pet depends on me. She is still living her little life despite in pain and in sickness. She doesnt deserve that. I wish that is me.

I am in so much pain that I feel nothing...

 

[sammiechzxv]

Exhausted. Physically, mentally.

 

[unworthy_]

12.29am. 09 Feb
I felt so much better after reading a series of article on how to get my ex back. I felt much calmer, peaceful and hopeful. It ended until just now after seeing my ex unfriended me on FB. I could not cry... I feel numb...
I feel like this is it... I don't think there is a chance to salvage anymore. Him and his family hated me to the core. I unintentionally made him regret for not being able to introduce me before his grandparent passing. This guilt I will carry forever. Perhaps after I died, this guilt will pass on to him ? This is not my intention... I just want to leave.. to stop my numbness...