Discussion What do you do as Trans

[8yy8uiyhbij]

I'm trans Male to Female, I spend most of my nights drunk playing video games, I know that I will never be the way I want and CTB seems like a good option, I am currently being monitored due to a previous attempt so doing anything serious will get me flagged. But what are you meant to do, my hospital for transitioning is terrible, they've messed up both of my prescriptions meaning it will take around 4 months longer to see results and I haven't received the care they've promised, I've had doctors argue against me being transgender which made me ridiculously depressed.

I have to sneak every bit of alcohol in now as my parents get concerned and stay up all night, I hate to disappoint them and hurt them, but I'm more focused on me as I just want not be bored.


I've not even mentioned dysphoria that just makes you feel generally like shit and not want to look at yourself or anyone else in case you feel envious or want to hurt yourself due to it. I've tried everything I can think of and I'm still disappointed in myself.


It takes so long and I barely see a difference day to day, everyday just seems like a blur and I've thought about suicide everyday since 2016, what are you meant to do at that stage other than CTB?


I'm sorry for such a depressing post, but I really need to vent and everyone on this site has been lovely so far :)

 

[Kikoo Loool]

Don't be sorry to vent. Nobody judges, many listen.
You're fine, society is fucked up.
*hugs*

 

[cryptic_cynic]

Sorry things have been so difficult for you. I can relate a lot. I have issues with dysphoria, but can't make up my mind what to do about it. I hate doctors and don't want to have to deal with them.
I mostly use cannabis as much as possible to avoid thinking about how much I fucking hate my life.

 

[FF777]

I used to have strong gender dysphoria when I was in my teenage years, and I was suicidal in that period of my life and liked to cut my arms a lot.. I hated being male, and I knew there were man-made options like surgery and stuff, but I guess I have high standards because that wouldn't have been good enough for me; If I were to be female I wanted to be 100% natural female, which is impossible save for being reincarnated.. So for me my only other option was to just live as a male..

As years went by, I got more and more used to being male, and probably some where in my 20s I was pretty much used to it and okay with it.. If I would have told my teenage self "you will eventually get used to being male" I probably would have responded with "I don't WANT to get used to being male! I want to be female!"......But once I am used to it, it is fine any way..

I know transgenders have a relatively high rate of suicide, probably because they imagine transitioning as being great but then it just ends up a mess and/or a disaster and they become depressed and suicidal..

Unfortunately there is only so much our medical institutions can do to help some one try to become an alternate gender; It is never 100% perfect.. It would be great if people could just choose which gender they want and be able to 100% naturally change in to it..

I'm not sure what use I could be for you other than to tell you that as a last resort, if you decide that the path you are heading down might not end up giving you the happiness that you seek, you could remain the gender you were given at birth and know that it sucks now but that you gradually get used to it..
Of course the real last resort is ctb.. If it comes down to that, then I'm sorry you couldn't be given some easier options in this life.. It seems like your situation has no easy options.. But in the end, it will be your call as to which path you choose to go down, so I would suggest doing some critical thinking for several days and imagine what each different option would end up making your life be like.. I hope you can eventually reach a place of happiness..

Love and light