what did u guys feel when u joined a suicide forum?

[Mr2005]

Peoples need to be right about everything really grates on me.

 

[Bardia]

Peoples need to be right about everything really grates on me.

Just human nature, really, isn't it?

It is odd that some people's self esteem seems dependent, regarding how they participate in some discussions, on their (probably unjustified) confidence in their own preferences and choices. That's typical human behavior, I think, especially on the Internet.

And here, you see people slinging opinions around as if they were MDs. Without an MD, especially also without speciality in internal medicine and/or anesthesia, we're all just speculating and passing on second-hand information, at best. Who here can take a look at a blood panel and immediately see what dosage of X will be most efficacious and comfortable? Or study someone's neck and know exactly how to construct the perfect ligature for them? Etc.

But most people here seem to understand this, and ultimately we're all here to help and support each other, as appropriate. To me, that's amazing.

 

[ImsooDone1N]

I felt accepted for the first time & I felt very grateful. I'm really glad for the pro choice servers & SS. I've made lots of good friends over the years. I've lost a few too , but I'm grateful to have a place where I am understood & can interact with others who are also suffering & have a similar mindset.

 

[Going Home]

I felt like it's a place where I can talk openly about the doctor.

 

[chimeraq]

I would be this depressed if I stopped smoking weed for a day.

is it that obvious?

 

[Partial-Elf]

When I first started lurking I felt guilty about coming here and would force myself not to come back for a few days. Then I'd come back and lurk for hours. I went through this cycle a decent amount until I just accepted it

 

[not_a_robot]

When I first started lurking I felt guilty about coming here and force myself not to come back for a few days. Then I'd come back and lurk for hours. I went through this cycle a decent amount until I just accepted it

lol. I lurked for about four seconds before signing up.
"OhmygodIloveyouImsogladIfoundyoursite! You have to let me join, or I'll, ha ha, kill myself!"

 

[lilyeehaw]

I break down when I try to talk to people face to face, Also the feeling of them sectioning me makes me not wanna talk in detail about my problems. This place feels like a second home to me, I spend hours here. It's so easy and therapeutic to talk to people here because we understand each other.

 

[not_a_robot]

is it that obvious?

"I only want to forget,
That's why I smoke."

 

[Bitch With An Apple]

Kinda detached, honestly. I wish this site was around ten years ago when I was less emotionally closed off. It seemed like places like this were being actively censored a lot more often and more effectively.

 

[k75]

I found this forum because I was digging deep, researching and forming a plan. Desperate, sad, panicked. Lost.

I lurked for several weeks and read pretty much every thread before I finally registered. And then it just felt... Surreal, I guess. And scary. Things were official. I was really going to do this. I'd been saying I've never felt this level of bad and hopeless before, and deciding to join made that even more REAL.

Now I don't know how I feel. My emotions are all over the place. I'm mostly just sad it has to be like this.

But I'm also starting to feel a little more relaxed. You all are so nice, and it's a relief to be able to admit to the dark things in my head and not worry so much about what'll happen if I do. I really didn't expect any of that.

 

[JeSuisMalade]

I was glad that my registration was approved.

 

[HGL91]

I love coming here to talk and not having to pretend I feel happy. This forum is the only place in life where I don't have to lie to people about my opinions. So tired of trying to see the glass half full when there's so much suffering in this world...

 

[TAW122]

When I first joined, I felt at peace and also been able to express myself freely, without censorship and worry about being shamed/bullied into thinking that suicide is bad or pro-life spiel. Also, at the same time, I felt like that my life has reached a very desolate point where someday, it would only be a matter of time and circumstance(s) in which I will inevitably, die by my own hands. Overall, I believe it has helped me cope in a good way, being able to talk about death and suicide, right to die, without censorship and most importantly, methods (in great detail, such as how to obtain or acquire a certain item in order to CTB). By having my method, I've actually felt more peace than without one as that allowed me to be able to check out on my own terms, which is a control thing. I hate it when I have little control over my life, especially even in when and how I die.

 

[Jon86]

When i first found this forum when it was on reddit I felt like I was home. It was the first place where i could talk openly about suicide without people freaking out or censoring me. Nowadays, i'm largely numb to this place, i'm rarely affected by what I read. Kind of surprised there aren't more people on here, am I really one of the most depressed human beings alive? why aren't there millions on here?

 

[Nat-dawg]

hopeful... not about life again or whatever but finding resources to help me end this

 

[DoneWithThis]

Actually, I feel better than I have in a long time. It wasn't some breaking point thing, it asn't som lost all hope thing. That had happened a long time ago.

it was gratitude that I felt. To not be in thisway of feeling, being alone. Yeah, I know people commit suicide. But I never realize, I never imagined, their was a group, a community, a safe place. Where people felt the same way I did, and expressed it. And weren't criticized and shamed for it.

I come from one of those families that, as ong as I don't say anything, or if I just nod my head and agree with everything they say, it's all fine. But whenever I say how I think, or how I feel, I've been criticized.

Which is strange. Because the rest of my family can bitch and whine and go on for hours about how they feel. But if I even say a sentence of how I feel, I'm suddenly a horrible person. yeah, they've told me I'm a horrible person. But then again it shouldn't surprise me, they're racist, make fun of learning disable people, etc etc.

Sorry for ranting.

What I'm trying to say is that I'm actually happy, to have joined a suicide forum, this suicide forum. I don't know about the rest of other forums. And I don't need other forums. Buutt the people I've seen on here. Even though I haven't interacted with them. Their are some incredible people on here.

It's nice to find a place you can speak openly, honestly. Even if you've been shut down so many times that it's difficult you to talk about this. But it's nice to find a place that you won't be judged. You might get a couple of jokes, a bit of sarcasm. You might get someone trying to make sure you don't make the mistakes they did. But you always have a group of people that support you. That are there. Ready to listen to you. To hear you out. To not just give you some cliche answer and shrug you off. People that care. People that even might not each other well, or might not know each other at all, but people that care. Big hugs people.

 

[Weems]

Panicked disbelief. Suddenly I saw the world as my prison cell. I'll never get out. It'll never get better. In my one and only life, I am a miserable failure. Heavy stuff, man.

 

[peacefully31425]

I felt relief. There is no other place where you can talk about this seriously.

 

[TiMe2Go4ever]

I find comfort here that there are other people who feel like me. I usually feel very disconnected from a lot of people around me. Not here though. Reading threads and resources here, makes me feel like I have the control to end everything when I want to.

 

[silenced]

I felt like I wasn't alone anymore. I felt accepted. Finally found a place where I belong, finally found peace.

 

[After The End]

I felt profound relief that, after over a decade of trying to find the 'help,' that everyone was assuring me existed if only I would look for it, to no avail, I had finally found real help in the form of people who don't make baseless claims about a system they've either never had any experience with, or support primarily because it's the source of their cushy lifestyle.

 

[DoneWithThis]

That's a very good word to describe it. Relief. To be with people listen to you, that give comfort, suggestions, a listening a shoulder to cry on. People who don't know you or owe you anything. Yet, strangely enough. It seems like they understand you better than anyone has in a long time. And not because of done artificially dictated deception of what a relationship should be. Whether family, friend, romantic, etc. But just for the mere fact that they feel the same way or similar to how you do.

And I think that's beautiful. People on here. Sharing. Giving of themselves. Not for the sake of anything. Or scoring points with others. Or because they're suppose to go the right thing. But just giving of themselves for the sake of giving. Because they know it really feels. It's not empty pleasantries.

 

[LifeOver]

This is the only place I feel comfortable talking about suicide. Any other place you would only get brainless idiots linking the suicide hotline or some pro-lifer telling you to not do it.

 

[Kjo]

I felt the world is so much more cruel than I ever anticipated...

 

[DoneWithThis]

First of all. I don't everyone sees the big picture. But even disregarding that. I think some of look at life, see the big joke, yeah, I get it, and can laugh it off and go on from there.

The rest of us go. I get the joke, but it's not funny at all. And pretending otherwise would just require massive amounts of energy on my behalf, lying to myself and others.

It's nice to be with someone/people who understand you.

 

[joshe]

Honestly i feel a great connection to everyone on here, like I have been searching my whole life for these people and have finally found then, which is ironic I guess.

Almost every thread I agree with and connect to on a deeper level, there is just this level of understanding between people who are so close to the edge. An honesty and rawness you don't find anywhere else. No pretense.

Apart from this, I also think it has made me less willing to believe that I can be helped, if only because I have seen how many others suffer exactly the same way I do.

How can i be helped if I don't trust the people or institutions that should be helping me?

Name me someone who has walked into a mental health clinic and breathed a sigh of relief that they are finally in a place that understands and empathises with them.

Not my experience, but I'm still going for now. I hope i could leave these forums sometimes, but if its where i feel understood and accepted, why would I leave.

 

[DoneWithThis]

Honestly i feel a great connection to everyone on here, like I have been searching my whole life for these people and have finally found then, which is ironic I guess.

Almost every thread I agree with and connect to on a deeper level, there is just this level of understanding between people who are so close to the edge. An honesty and rawness you don't find anywhere else. No pretense.

Apart from this, I also think it has made me less willing to believe that I can be helped, if only because I have seen how many others suffer exactly the same way I do.

How can i be helped if I don't trust the people or institutions that should be helping me?

Name me someone who has walked into a mental health clinic and breathed a sigh of relief that they are finally in a place that understands and empathises with them.

Not my experience, but I'm still going for now. I hope i could leave these forums sometimes, but if its where i feel understood and accepted, why would I leave.

Seems a bit absurd to find a pro choice suicide forum as therapeutic, as even uplifting. But yet here it is. Yet another one of the the ironic paradoxes of life. I'm glad you're here with us. Well, for now at least. And I'm glad we're here with you.

 

[joshe]

Seems a bit absurd to find a pro choice suicide forum as therapeutic, as even uplifting. But yet here it is. Yet another one of the the ironic paradoxes of life. I'm glad you're here with us. Well, for now at least. And I'm glad we're here with you.

Thanks, until the fateful day

 

[21Neberg]

I felt a bit less alone. The forum has changed quite a lot since I joined, but I certainly don't regret joining.