Discussion What can I do against the strong urge to hurt myself?

[HopefulSleep]

I have never harmed myself but I constantly have the urge to cut myself open, I want to see the blood.
I have a shitty knife but I think it will be contra productive to hurt myself.
I don't hate myself or anything, I just want to feel alive.

 

[scarecrowbubu]

It's probably the idea of the rush that you would have. Why not transform that energy in to a sprint outside until you're breathing heavily for example or maybe punching a bag or something. What I mean is taking it instead into yourself, taking it outside, ofc without hurting yourself and somebody else! Wish you find a way to relieve yourself.

 

[Unending]

If exercise clicks with you, that's always an effective way of scratching a very similar itch without it turning into sh. Of course, there are plenty avenues of exercise to go down but if it doesn't work out, you can always scream into your pillow or punch your pillow. Not my favorite thing to do but definitely has some merit for releasing emotions however little.

To be fair, I don't really do either of those much these days (besides going on walks) but I like to open a word proccessor and just start typing out my feelings and usually seeing how depressing and angry it is helps me to feel like I've externalized my pain enough to give it a rest for a little while. It's not a miracle but definitely does something for me and next thing I know, I have some creative writing done.

 

[HopefulSleep]

It's probably the idea of the rush that you would have. Why not transform that energy in to a sprint outside until you're breathing heavily for example or maybe punching a bag or something. What I mean is taking it instead into yourself, taking it outside, ofc without hurting yourself and somebody else! Wish you find a way to relieve yourself.

Sport doesn't feel good.
I am just angry how people hurt me, I think cutting myself would make me feel better.

If exercise clicks with you, that's always an effective way of scratching a very similar itch without it turning into sh. Of course, there are plenty avenues of exercise to go down but if it doesn't work out, you can always scream into your pillow or punch your pillow. Not my favorite thing to do but definitely has some merit for releasing emotions however little.

To be fair, I don't really do either of those much these days (besides going on walks) but I like to open a word proccessor and just start typing out my feelings and usually seeing how depressing and angry it is helps me to feel like I've externalized my pain enough to give it a rest for a little while. It's not a miracle but definitely does something for me and next thing I know, I have some creative writing done.

Exercise doesn't help.
Writing emotions down also doesn't make me feel better.

 

[just_so_done]

As someone who has a lot of anger and self harms and has for a long time I completely understand wanting to see the blood and feel alive. For me, I do it to either numb myself from intense emotional distress or to feel something but there is always a lot of regret afterwards and the relief you get can be very short lived with very dangerous consequences and scars as a constant reminder of what you did. If you're willing to try a couple things, I have some ideas that I've used. Theres the less invasive things like holding an icecube and feeling it burn, coloring with a red marker where you would want to cut, sitting with two ice packs under your knees while sitting crossed legged, I tend to throw things and break them. If that doesn't work there are ways to feel pain and alive that are safer than cutting such as punching your thigh (the colors of the bruising is nice to watch over the days), some ppl will go get piercings or tattoos. If its the desire to see the blood, maybe finding videos online of like open heart surgery or something but help. And if ultimately you choose to cut i would encourage you to use a clean sterile object, choose an area on your body that is less dangerous of accidentally causing you to need medical attention and have supplies like bandaids, steristrips, and disinfectant ready. I really hope you can find some relief without self harming, but know that I understand.

 

[Georg]

If exercise clicks with you, that's always an effective way of scratching a very similar itch without it turning into sh.

This. Cardio is a good way, I do cycling. While I am feeling the pain in my legs, these are the only minutes I do not think of the pain in my heart.

 

[HopefulSleep]

As someone who has a lot of anger and self harms and has for a long time I completely understand wanting to see the blood and feel alive. For me, I do it to either numb myself from intense emotional distress or to feel something but there is always a lot of regret afterwards and the relief you get can be very short lived with very dangerous consequences and scars as a constant reminder of what you did. If you're willing to try a couple things, I have some ideas that I've used. Theres the less invasive things like holding an icecube and feeling it burn, coloring with a red marker where you would want to cut, sitting with two ice packs under your knees while sitting crossed legged, I tend to throw things and break them. If that doesn't work there are ways to feel pain and alive that are safer than cutting such as punching your thigh (the colors of the bruising is nice to watch over the days), some ppl will go get piercings or tattoos. If its the desire to see the blood, maybe finding videos online of like open heart surgery or something but help. And if ultimately you choose to cut i would encourage you to use a clean sterile object, choose an area on your body that is less dangerous of accidentally causing you to need medical attention and have supplies like bandaids, steristrips, and disinfectant ready. I really hope you can find some relief without self harming, but know that I understand.

The ultimate relief will be suicide but I don't have the money and proper plan right now.

 

[Jezzibell]

I cut to punish myself for what I've done and do expedience almost joy at the sight of so much blood, but the satisfaction is short lived and becomes pointless.

I used to bruise myself. Probably to show pain on the outside because I couldn't express the angst on the inside.

What I'm trying to say is that whatever you get from it won't last long.

I fight my urges by mind surfing. I put it off and ride it out. It's really not something you want to start.

 

[codedarchaeologist]

I fight my urges by mind surfing. I put it off and ride it out.

I second this. Basically, procrastinate hurting yourself; if you can distract yourself for long enough, eventually the urge might go away. Generally for me, relapses happen most when I've been reminded about the behaviour from the outside, like by reading about it; that makes me preoccupied with the idea, and the preoccupation creates an opportunity for the urge. Distractions don't always work, but hopfully the acute wish will go away if you manage to fill your thoughts with something else.

 

[HopefulSleep]

If I end up doing it what can I do to the wounds so it doesn't become worse and where shouldn't I cut?

 

[RoundaboutResolved]

Obviously don't cut into the visual veins/arteries unless you want to ctb. Keep the cuts shallow to avoid possible muscle/nerve damage & to avoid infections. Make sure to clean up afterwards & use antiboitic gel or hydrogen peroxide or something similar & wrap the cuts up/bandaids.

 

[HopefulSleep]

Make sure to clean up afterwards

You mean running water over the wound?

use antiboitic gel or hydrogen peroxide or something similar

How much will it cost and how important is that?
The biggest reason why I can't ctb yet is cause of money issues so I don't want to spend more money.

wrap the cuts up/bandaids

Then I can't see the wound, no adrenaline then.

 

[RoundaboutResolved]

Water, towel etc...

Should only cost you a few dollars/euros, fairly cheap.

Bandage wounds after the adrenaline/rush has faded and you are done cutting for the moment.

 

[HopefulSleep]

Should only cost you a few dollars/euros, fairly cheap.

How much is in a package?
I am very poor, I need the money for food.

 

[Jezzibell]

My veins stick out a lot as I'm so thin. So amazon won't sell sn but they did deliver the sharpest blades I've ever come across. I just put it against my vein, no pressure, and I sliced through the vein. I shouldn't have done it but I'm stressed about how I can ctb if I can't get sn

 

[HopefulSleep]

My veins stick out a lot as I'm so thin. So amazon won't sell sn but they did deliver the sharpest blades I've ever come across. I just put it against my vein, no pressure, and I sliced through the vein. I shouldn't have done it but I'm stressed about how I can ctb if I can't get sn

Nitrogen is painless and fast.
Overdose on rc opioids and rc benzos is also quite painless but it takes much longer.
If you have money you shouldn't have to ctb in such a painful way.

 

[Jezzibell]

Nitrogen is painless and fast.
Overdose on rc opioids and rc benzos is also quite painless but it takes much longer.
If you have money you shouldn't have to ctb in such a painful way.

I've looked at this before with helium but I think I came across a stumbling block with scuba equipment. I'll look into it again as I can't remember the things I knew before like how much helium I'll need.

 

[HopefulSleep]

I've looked at this before with helium but I think I came across a stumbling block with scuba equipment. I'll look into it again as I can't remember the things I knew before like how much helium I'll need.

You can also overdose on research chemicals which is also less painful and more likely too succeed than slicing yourself up.
A gun would also be a better method but I have no idea how to get one.
I don't know any other methods that aren't brutal or guaranteed.

 

[dimstar]

Hey I as other have said wouldn't recommend getting into self harm. If you do go through with it go outer thigh, not as big a risk of complications and easy to hide. But it wont take what your feeling away. I'm going to make a sh thread soon as I've been struggling alot lately. Also I never go gory deep so just stop the bleeding with tp whipe the wound and blade before and after with everclear and never had an infection only once used a butterfly bandage. It really wont help anything but I get it. Feel free to dm me to vent or ask more about my experience or whatever.

 

[HopefulSleep]

Hey I as other have said wouldn't recommend getting into self harm. If you do go through with it go outer thigh, not as big a risk of complications and easy to hide. But it wont take what your feeling away.

What else should I do when others have hurt me?
I just want to see blood spill from my body.

 

[dimstar]

What else should I do when others have hurt me?
I just want to see blood spill from my body.

I dont know an easy answer. I'm assuming your against therapy? I find myself more on the opposite side, I've hurt people more than I've been hurt and that's the burden I carry, like what you carry but that's not your fault. I'm sorry you were hurt. Trust me it will only last for a few minutes then you'll be back in the same boat. See you like anime? Want some good recommendations? I like shows where you see a character become utterly destroyed. Helps distract me. Maybe a good distraction can at least buy you some time away from the feeling?

 

[HopefulSleep]

Trust me it will only last for a few minutes then you'll be back in the same boat.

Then I can just cut my whole body open maybe that will make fun.

See you like anime?

Hunter x Hunter and JoJo's bizarre adventure is great but I feel no joy while watching them.

Want some good recommendations? I like shows where you see a character become utterly destroyed.

That doesn't give me joy looking at fictional characters getting destroyed.

Maybe a good distraction can at least buy you some time away from the feeling?

Nothing distracts me.

 

[dimstar]

Then I can just cut my whole body open maybe that will make fun.

Hunter x Hunter and JoJo's bizarre adventure is great but I feel no joy while watching them.

That doesn't give me joy looking at fictional characters getting destroyed.

Nothing distracts me.

Even if you go crazy with it if theres people close they'll notice and is a good way to end up in a ward. Still will be a short relief, I'm sorry. Plus if your not careful you will need medical attention.

Try cyberpunk edgerunners or death note or deadman wonderland, maybe steins gate or code geoas. The most distracting for me is getting very drunk while watching record of ragnarok. Attack on titan got me into it. Also reading beserk is amazing.

If theres no joy or distraction I get that, I'm there too. But gotta try. Unless you've written all your notes, cleaned and decided what will happen to your stuff and have your method well researched and are sure. If you really feel it's not impulsive or a passing moment and you've tried every option then your body will know it's time to go. Since you havent even been able to sh despite wanting I doubt your body wants what your thinking. Try every method. Suicide is a last means. You owe it to yourself to try everything. I've been planning 6 years and I still am not sure im at that point. I'm trying therapy and meds again. We owe nothing to anyone but ourselfs. And we owe ourself every opportunity even if we dont think itll pass. Try. Dm me. I'll gladly show you what I've done to my body and you can decide if that's what you want. Most people wont recommend it. Even if you cant try just survive and let lifes tides take you here and there. I'm so sorry for your suffering. I don't have an answer. I don't think anyone will but you eventually. Listen to yourself, inner self not the bs surface thoughts. I'm sorry, please try.

 

[HopefulSleep]

Since you havent even been able to sh despite wanting I doubt your body wants what your thinking. Try every method. Suicide is a last means.

I am hesitating to harm myself cause I am sensitive to pain, there are ctb methods that are painless and ctb is the ultimate best thing that exists, nothing can fix my mental pain.

 

[dimstar]

I am hesitating to harm myself cause I am sensitive to pain, there are ctb methods that are painless and ctb is the ultimate best thing that exists, nothing can fix my mental pain.

How much have you tried? Multiple therapist? Didfrent prescription? Said exercise and healthy life style hasnt helped. Have friends? Been able to open up? I know moneys and issue and makes it harder. Not much is gaurentied painless as far as ctb. Unless your talking n. Always a chance of failure and alot of pain. For me the physical pain is nothing compared to emotional. Everyones diffrent. Ctb is a last resort. I'd even recommend cutting before you ctb if you really think itd help. Theres no going back. How long have you felt this way?

 

[HopefulSleep]

How much have you tried?

I tried since I was 13, I felt much pain since then but finally I accepted that death is the only way to escape.

Multiple therapist?

4 and one of them I got forced to visit or else I would be put into a ward, they just talked bullshit like that I should go out more often.

Didfrent prescription?

Anti depressents and anti psychotics make me feel disgusting and I have more panic attacks then.

Have friends?

No, every person I have been friends with has hurt me irl but I have online friends.

Been able to open up?

My real life "friends" just made fun of my situation.
My online friends say that they are sorry that I feel this way, doesn't help.

Not much is gaurentied painless as far as ctb. Unless your talking n. Always a chance of failure and alot of pain.

Nitrogen is guaranteed painless and fast, it makes you unconsious and you are dead in 10 minutes, it is perfect, I never thought that my happies moment after a long time will be to see a fucking nitrogen cylinder haha.

Theres no going back.

That is better, I want to have nothing to do with the feelings I experience in this world.

How long have you felt this way?

I felt bad since I was 3 but it got worse when my dad died when I was like 13 and it got worse now after I realized my abuse and I am scared that it will get worse again.

 

[dimstar]

I tried since I was 13, I felt much pain since then but finally I accepted that death is the only way to escape.

4 and one of them I got forced to visit or else I would be put into a ward, they just talked bullshit like that I should go out more often.

Anti depressents and anti psychotics make me feel disgusting and I have more panic attacks then.

No, every person I have been friends with has hurt me irl but I have online friends.

My real life "friends" just made fun of my situation.
My online friends say that they are sorry that I feel this way, doesn't help.

Nitrogen is guaranteed painless and fast, it makes you unconsious and you are dead in 10 minutes, it is perfect, I never thought that my happies moment after a long time will be to see a fucking nitrogen cylinder haha.

That is better, I want to have nothing to do with the feelings I experience in this world.

I felt bad since I was 3 but it got worse when my dad died when I was like 13 and it got worse now after I realized my abuse and I am scared that it will get worse again.

I'm very very sorry. I relate to therapist and meds but your carrying a bigger burden than me. I'll leave the thread for others who can hopefully relate and help more. Take care, people here I'm sure can relate and help more. Just wish you some sort of peace even smallest bit.