What are Your Strongest Feelings about WHY You want to Leave this Life?

[WhyIsLife56]

I've wanted to commit suicide since I was about 9. I simply never asked for any of this. That feeling is strong and logical enough to want to leave.

 

[mediocre]

Being so ill and not knowing what the hell is wrong with me. Getting weaker and weaker each day. When I try to get help I am treated like an inconvience or talked down to. I am autistic. I have aspergers. I am 27 and I cannot look after myself. I have no life skills. I feel like a child still. It's like I'm trapped in this body and in this life. I'm so tired and bored now.

 

[Innereye]

Chronic abdominal pain, i can not stay on food to make my food even. Severe episodes of abdominal pain lasting for months. Pain 24/7 from 2 years now, continuously. I tried 2 surgerys, nothing works. If i stay on food for too long, pain increases to an state in which i can only go youtube to watch random videos, no sleep (if i knock myself out with benzos, i have nightmares), no eat, not calmed mind, that for months, 2? 3? 4? who cares? Yea me

Im 36, when all started a t age of 30, i used to go 3 hours of Gym a day including boxing, running, trying to make money..Now i fight to keep myself alive for another day just for my loved ones, not for myself.

This sounds like what im going through. What surgeries did you have?

 

[Whitewash11235814]

People are ugly.

 

[Dude1983]

This sounds like what im going through. What surgeries did you have?

First they cut like 15 cm of small bowell 5 years ago. Didnt work, i got kinda worst.Then 2 month ago, i got Diagnostic Laparoscopy, or Examination Laparoscopy if u want. They did not find anything, so like they just put a camera inside my gut and nothing more. Nothing changed afetr surgery so here i am.

But my case is a weird one, weird fucking weird. So Docs should not have problems to fix u in less than 2 hours at surgery table. Have u tryed any surgery or have some in sight?

 

[Innereye]

First they cut like 15 cm of small bowell 5 years ago. Didnt work, i got kinda worst.Then 2 month ago, i got Diagnostic Laparoscopy, or Examination Laparoscopy if u want. They did not find anything, so like they just put a camera inside my gut and nothing more. Nothing changed afetr surgery so here i am.

But my case is a weird one, weird fucking weird. So Docs should not have problems to fix u in less than 2 hours at surgery table. Have u tryed any surgery or have some in sight?

Ive had a endoscopy and colonoscopy, trying my hardest to convince doctors to help me with this. But since im young they think there's no way its as bad as I describe

 

[trouble]

I feel like I have no future, anyway. Maybe that's because my mother keeps telling me so.
I'll turn 20 in March and still haven't graduated yet, I've repeated several years and my grades just keep dropping lower and lower due to my concentration issues and untreated mental illnesses.
I'm still tied to my family, have no income and I've had suicidal tendencies since I was 12.
For me, I just feel like it would be better for myself, and I see myself as a bad person, so I feel like it would just benefit everyone else.
Also, I'm a pretty sensitive person, I get hurt easily and it's hard to deal with it.

 

[beatlegirl]

Before I lost my soulmate it was just about the constant sadness & fear I felt. The difficulties I had in communicating and finding anything that interested me. Then I lost him, the only one who understood me and piqued my interest, that was my tipping point.

I'll never be the same again.
x

 

[Dude1983]

Ive had a endoscopy and colonoscopy, trying my hardest to convince doctors to help me with this. But since im young they think there's no way its as bad as I describe

Wow my dude, i had fights with doctors from 3 hospitals, until the point i told them or u do surgery on me or i just jump fucking window, then they made this last surgery 2 month ago, but didnt work LOL

Fight it

 

[Innereye]

Wow my dude, i had fights with doctors from 3 hospitals, until the point i told them or u do surgery on me or i just jump fucking window, then they made this last surgery 2 month ago, but didnt work LOL

I have an appointment with them tomorrow, and I plan on letting them know.

 

[Dude1983]

Haha good job, fuck them (Docs), they just go home after work and life sure looks so nice to them, "oh, you are too young, better go home, and lets wait 10 years" when u are rolling on the floor in pain, or in ur case u cant breathe, What the fuck

 

[Innereye]

Haha good job, fuck them (Docs), they just go home after work and life sure looks so nice to them, "oh, you are too young, better go home, and lets wait 10 years" when u are rolling on the floor in pain, or in ur case u cant breathe, What the fuck

Im just terrified of something like the police being called on me. Or them trying to get me committed to a mental hospital

 

[ScornedStoic]

That I will never experience my childhood ever again
Apathy and anhedonia
Severe physical and mental problems

 

[Dude1983]

Im just terrified of something like the police being called on me. Or them trying to get me committed to a mental hospital

They once took the psychiatrist to talk with me cuz i was saying i would not live much more with that shit. I explained her the situation, she understood and nothing happened, of course i was little soffter with her than with the doctors.

U just have to show urself reasonable: like, "this pain is unbearable, i can not even breathe, im dieing slowly, i dunno how much time ill be able to take it, but sure not much, because then i would really be crazy if willing to keep this for much,"

 

[BPD Barbie]

I don't think I can ever be happy again. I have ruined myself financially. I quit a good job. My mental illness rules my world. There are more reasons, there are always more. I find more daily.

 

[Carina]

See, everyone seems to have entered so much for what the feelings are, but I can summarize probably 8/10 of the reasons as one word (since it has different intrepretations): pain
Other two: hopeless.

Thing is, no matter what, most of the reasons will never go away. But yeah, there's like 10 different reasons. some small, some unknown (medical uncertainties but high probabilities), many knowns... And no amount of therapy, surgery, meds, or anything will fix them. Only tech of probably 500 years in the future, or death.

 

[Cutepoison]

I feel I've done enough. Nothing really interests me anymore, I'm heartbroken, i just don't like life.

 

[Innereye]

They once took the psychiatrist to talk with me cuz i was saying i would not live much more with that shit. I explained her the situation, she understood and nothing happened, of course i was little soffter with her than with the doctors.

U just have to show urself reasonable: like, "this pain is unbearable, i can not even breathe, im dieing slowly, i dunno how much time ill be able to take it, but sure not much, because then i would really be crazy if willing to keep this for much,"

You have given me a new hope, i will do my best today

 

[TrailerTrash]

I need to escape this world too!!!!

 

[Dude1983]

You have given me a new hope, i will do my best today

Im glad that my pain and experience atleast helps sum1 in at tough condition, go for it my friend.Tell me the result when u know it (PM).

 

[deadmalk]

I lost my youngest son last April to suicide, he was12. I heard the shot, he used my weapon. I broke down the door and found him. I have carried so much guilt as a parent because I know he didn't know what he was truly doing. He wasn't suicidal, but every day since then, I have been. I feel empty, lost and every night I have to do whatever it takes to pass out and every morning I feel all his pain all over again. I have come close a few times to doing it, but I don't want my wife or my parents to be the one to find me. I don't feel strong enough to live each day like this. I looked to the Bible to justify me doing it. Ive written letters to everyone that means something to me. I've told my family how I feel and that I struggle to keep going, but I tell them so we can appreciate the time we have left together. I want them to understand so when it's time, they won't have the question "why?" I'm scared because I loved life before my son passed, but I have lost interest in almost everything and daily life seems so meaningless now. I just want to be with him because he was my little boy. I taught him how to survive in the wilderness, but I feel guilty that I never taught him how to deal with mean people. He had the biggest heart in the world and always tried to help others. I just can't accept he is physically gone. I honestly don't feel I can be helped. I go to at least five different support groups and they only help when I am there. I try my best to help others who feel hopeless, but I can't help myself. I try and I always fall back down this deep dark hole and each time it gets harder to crawl out. Last night I told my oldest son, who is 27, that U want him to take care of his mom, my daughter and grandson. I told him I wasn't planning on doing anything last night, but the thoughts are more frequent and I'm physically going through the steps and slowly going longer and longer (hanging). My oldest son took all of my weapons and I had one hidden, but my wife took it away last week. I tried to look for it when she was at work yesterday but didn't find it. I just can't live each day for the rest of my life like this...I just can't, I don't want to.

 

[Polly]

M job no money no quality of life. I've tried fir three years and now I dint even have money left to interview. End if the road. Trapped.

 

[heheb27595]

Getting old (41), life is worse than ever.
Time for a restart when I gonna find how-to and the COURAGE to CTB.

 

[PDAnnie2610]

I lost my youngest son last April to suicide, he was12. I heard the shot, he used my weapon. I broke down the door and found him. I have carried so much guilt as a parent because I know he didn't know what he was truly doing. He wasn't suicidal, but every day since then, I have been. I feel empty, lost and every night I have to do whatever it takes to pass out and every morning I feel all his pain all over again. I have come close a few times to doing it, but I don't want my wife or my parents to be the one to find me. I don't feel strong enough to live each day like this. I looked to the Bible to justify me doing it. Ive written letters to everyone that means something to me. I've told my family how I feel and that I struggle to keep going, but I tell them so we can appreciate the time we have left together. I want them to understand so when it's time, they won't have the question "why?" I'm scared because I loved life before my son passed, but I have lost interest in almost everything and daily life seems so meaningless now. I just want to be with him because he was my little boy. I taught him how to survive in the wilderness, but I feel guilty that I never taught him how to deal with mean people. He had the biggest heart in the world and always tried to help others. I just can't accept he is physically gone. I honestly don't feel I can be helped. I go to at least five different support groups and they only help when I am there. I try my best to help others who feel hopeless, but I can't help myself. I try and I always fall back down this deep dark hole and each time it gets harder to crawl out. Last night I told my oldest son, who is 27, that U want him to take care of his mom, my daughter and grandson. I told him I wasn't planning on doing anything last night, but the thoughts are more frequent and I'm physically going through the steps and slowly going longer and longer (hanging). My oldest son took all of my weapons and I had one hidden, but my wife took it away last week. I tried to look for it when she was at work yesterday but didn't find it. I just can't live each day for the rest of my life like this...I just can't, I don't want to.

You must have love him a lot, and carried much sad and guilty feelings for what happened.

He's 12. He knows what dying is.. it hurts but he did choose.. it's very hard.. do you have any family whom you trust and feel ok with to talk to about your loss?

I want to stop feeling so intense, needy and desperate. Feeling like Frankenstein's monster... begging for scraps. There's no hunger in death.

 

[Pastneverdies]

I will never be at my 100% physically anymore. I'm frustrated and everytime i think about that i want to die. I hate myself for all the wrong decisions I made through my life. I'm just done.

I feel exactly like you.

 

[nailcat]

the top reason...I'm not sure. Long term reasons are feelings of isolation, not belonging..struggles with ocd and depression. Final straw is rejection from my seventeen year 'soulmate'

 

[Whitewash11235814]

My 17 year old soulmate was more or less a crush. Too many fish in the sea to brood about a single nobody. Who cares about her? Nobody cares. lol.

 

[gracefulexit]

Got everything going for me. I'm just bored. That's all really.

What does that actually mean?! Elaborate bored but everything going for you? Make or female? USA or another country?

 

[Speedhax]

What does that actually mean?! Elaborate bored but everything going for you? Make or female? USA or another country?

I live in Canada. I have a good job, long term girlfriend, family that cares about me, my own place, money to spare etc. I just don't derive any enjoyment from life really anymore. It's just all so boring and repetitive. I'm a male.

8 wish I could appreciate even a little bit of it because I do consider myself lucky.

 

[MsMaudlin]

Constant failure and embarrassment to my family.

Constant pain from osteoarthritis and fibromyalgia for the past 15 months.

I'm tired ❤