Discussion What are your reasons for ctb?

[Zerengin96]

Nihilism, boredom, social anxiety, social ineptitude, hypochondria... the list could go on forever but those are the big ones. I am 20 and still live with my parents. I don't want to leave the nest. I don't want to live long enough to see the day when my cat gets old and dies. I don't have the energy or the patience for real life, and I find that the rewards are not worth the effort. Like, I have to put so much effort to have even a half-decent life? No thanks. Shit, even if I won the lottery, I'd probably still CTB at some point.

pretty much the same here. Its just all so pointless

 

[wanttodie]

I'm just tired of life and living.

 

[Astronauta]

Na verdade, eu quero viver. Teve uma grande carreira, família, amigos, etc. Teve uma reação ruim à injeção de reforço e negligência médica. Agora eu tenho 100 sintomas debilitantes - visão super turva, visão dupla, fotossensibilidade, perda auditiva, não consigo sentir gosto ou cheiro, concussão como dor de cabeça 24 horas por dia, tenho demência, consciência não existe, confuso, habilidades intelectuais perdidas, exausto o dia todo por muito tempo, perdi toda a capacidade de dormir sozinho agora - posso ficar acordado por 30 dias seguidos sem medicação, tremores, transpiração excessiva, não consigo andar direito, habilidades motoras perdidas, fala arrastada, batimento cardíaco super rápido, incapaz de malhar agora, fraqueza muscular, espasmos musculares, problemas gastrointestinais, queda de cabelo e muito mais. A única coisa que me mantém vivo no momento são meus remédios para dormir - que só me permitem dormir algumas horas por noite muito levemente. Se eu não tomasse meus remédios para dormir, eu morreria naturalmente. Então, basicamente, eu poderia pegar o ônibus apenas por não tomar meus remédios para dormir. Estou indo e voltando todos os dias no CTB. Eu realmente quero viver, mas isso está me matando lentamente. Alguém aqui quer viver, mas teve azar por causa de doença ou deficiência?

Eu jamais achei que fosse fazer ctb.Até tomar a vacina covid 19 e arruinar minha vida.Nao quero viver assim com sequelas. Seria uma morte lenta e dolorosa .

 

[trizzy]

Eu jamais achei que fosse fazer ctb.Até tomar a vacina covid 19 e arruinar minha vida.Nao quero viver assim com sequelas. Seria uma morte lenta e dolorosa .

the vaccine shot is killing me at the moment.

 

[Karakhitan]

I never wanted to live in the first place. You don't choose to be born, it's your parents that force you. There is a lot of suffering in life, much more than pleasure.

We also live in an industrial civilization that is going to collapse soon. Add to that runaway climate change with the heat and fire it brings. I have no desire to experience that.

Why bother keep going? We are all going to die one day eventually, it was guaranteed the moment we were born. Might as well do it on my own terms and avoid as much pain as possible.

 

[allblackallwhite]

My wife joined a hate group and filed for divorce within a couple of weeks of me suspecting I have BPD. It's been the deepest abandonment I could ever imagine. Our relationship was magical, I've never known anything like it in my 40 years. I've been casually suicidal since I lost contact with my kids 8 years ago. My wife kept me going through that. Now that she is gone too I'm not interested in continuing to live in a world like this.

I'm just so tired. Tired of being hurt and confused. Tired of hurting others.Tired of struggling in every aspect of life. Tired of not fitting in. Tired of people. Tired of absolutely everything. I'm not looking forward to anything at all. Every day I wake up disappointed I have to go through yet another 24 hours of existence.

 

[Sepultura]

Money.

 

[ManicPanic2018]

Got mutilated by a hack surgeon who was supposed to perform my gender reassignment surgery. Life was already hard enough being 6ft6 and wanting to be a woman, but not being able to have a functioning sex life when I am a very sexual person, just hurts too fucking much.

 

[ge0rge]

grief

 

[catasia]

That's the question. I don't have any reason, but I really want to disappear. I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me (and I love him too), any trauma (just some toxic relationships), good family, job... Can someone explain me why suicide is always in my mind? Why I can't enjoy living?

 

[Karakhitan]

That's the question. I don't have any reason, but I really want to disappear. I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me (and I love him too), any trauma (just some toxic relationships), good family, job... Can someone explain me why suicide is always in my mind? Why I can't enjoy living?

I can't explain what's on your mind specifically, but in life you will constantly have to worry about so many things : how do I get food? How do I pay the bills? What do I do with my spare time? Am I doing the right thing? And so on... Everybody has this type of anxiety, and it can be so overwhelming. There is peace in non-existence. No more worrying, no more striving, just nothingness.

 

[MatthewV3]

Loneliness mostly.

 

[neonzebra]

A lifetime of depression and social anxiety, probably caused by childhood trauma/neglect. CTB has been at the back of my mind for years.
It's now come to a head after the death of my mother, and a relationship with someone who I loved and thought loved me breaking down. I also had only just started a new job with all this going on and for many reasons including the manager being a horrible person, I just don't want to go back.
Every area of my life is disintegrating and I don't have anything positive to fall back on except a few well meaning friends who just end up talking to me for hours about their own minor life problems when I see them.