I'm so tired of everything. I can barely remember who I am anymore. Everything just seems fuzzy and distant. I don't like my family, friends, anybody even though I know I should. I feel like a monster. My empathy is missing and I can't find it in me to care like I used to. I used to want to be loved and cared about, now I don't want that at all. It makes me feel sick, just the idea of someone caring or giving me attention. I want to die already, I can't stop thinking about it. I promised to wait a bit until I got my degree and bills paid off but with every day, I find myself caring less and less about the obligations that have been keeping me around. I feel like a stranger living in an empty vessel. There's nothing worth living for. I don't know how much longer I can keep this mask up. I want to leave so fucking badly. It's suffocating waking up every morning, back to the same shit I was hoping would end the day before, the week before, several years before. I can't help but wonder if this is what life is, or am I in hell? What did I do so wrong to end up like this? Why is it so fucking painful to just exist? I never hurt anybody, I tried to get better, I tried to find meaning to my life, so why am I the only one always being left behind? Why does it feel like everyone around me isn't even real anymore? Why can I barely remember anything, nor feel either? I tried to be a good person, nobody acknowledged or appreciated anything I did for them. Even with my family, nothing is ever good enough. No matter what I do, or how hard I work, I'll never be good enough for anyone. My existence is worthless in every possible way, I have no hope for a better future anymore. I give up on trying to get better. It's not going to happen. I'm in a dark hole with no way out but death. That's how it feels. Being shackled in an endless sinking pit. The world around me looks distorted and I can't remember the last time I felt like a real person. I'm just really, truly, and helplessly tired in every possible way. :)