Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Electra]

I'm a little exhausted, and I can feel the energy levels slowly going down. Embracing full holiday spirit of doing nothing? Maybe. We'll see after the holidays I guess lol.

 

[CTB Dream]

this v sad see time mov mov noable doany

 

[gloomurai]

i dont know why i expect so much.. things go bad everytime i want to help myself. m=why do i feel awful when im "better"? why do i yearn for things that are unhealthy. I just want to say im sorry.

 

[kenma0]

i miss someone, but im starting to feel anger at them too. its weird. i feel betrayed and left behind, like our time together didnt matter to him. like he doesnt care what he did to me or how he treated me. i wish he knew how much i want to die because of him. i almost want to cbt just to make him feel a little ounce of regret for the treatment he gave me. i would never know if it would do anything, because id be dead lol, but if i end up a ghost, id haunt him. id ruin him. but i miss him and love him still. anyone else feel this? missing someone who destroyed you? its because of my self esteem. most people can move on pretty easily. people who love themselves, but im not one of those people. i love too hard. it sucks

i dont know why i expect so much.. things go bad everytime i want to help myself. m=why do i feel awful when im "better"? why do i yearn for things that are unhealthy. I just want to say im sorry.

i also yearn for unhealthy things. made me feel more than them being gone. why does this happen? who knows lol. sometimes i feel i dont deserve to feel "better" you know?

 

[fleetingnight]

I hate coming in just to vent when I haven't been here/engaged with anyone's posts in a while...

...But, work has me so exhausted, I can barely do anything else.

If this is what it takes to survive, I don't think I want to.

 

[KrowaKovsky]

i called out of work today because i just couldn't do it today, mentally, and i also just couldn't make the walk because my crippled ass cant be normal. ofc i got plenty of "if you're feeling better later in the day you should come in! we really could use the help and your absence makes everything more compacted and stressful!" which made me feel worse about just not being able to mentally or physically today which makes everything fucking worse.

and here i am sitting at my computer just kind of rotting because i havent had time to myself for the last few months it feels, work till you drop i guess. i hate making other people suffer so i can have a break but considering i still work the rest of the week sans christmas day, i think they're going to be fine

i just want a break, i want to be able to come in, do my shit, then leave on time. im so tired of staying late because other people want to go home early, it's just a constant frustrating circle;

work > coworkers leave even though they arent done > end up staying late so things get done > get in trouble for staying late, repeat
or it's
work > coworkers leave even though they arent done > dont stay late & just leave at the time im supposed to > get in trouble

 

[FinalVoid25]

Mental and physical pain

 

[J&L383]

Looking forward to sleep tonight.

 

[princessame]

There's a lot of things on my mind..
for starters, i feel pretty unlovable. it isnt that im super ugly (although i do feel quite ugly right now with my HORRIBLE HAIRCUT) but the fact that im always sexualized. i try to talk to men all the time but its always them being super fucking creepy to me (i mean, not ALWAYS, but a vast majority). on top of that, i prefer women anyway! and i barely ever connect with any women ever. im searching for this ideal person that doesnt even exist. and even if i did find this ideal person, id have to worry about them liking me back at all. its a never-ending battle with no victory. i always feel like im going to be used or sought out after as a body rather than as a person, and it just makes me sad. i want to feel comfortable in my skin, and i want someone to protect me
im always the one who is doing the protecting, who puts up all these walls, but i want to be able to let go for once, to cry fully and truly, and to have someone to hold onto and love. it hurts my heart deeply. I hope that i can find someone i can fall in love with, and truly trust. but i dont know if that day will ever come..

 

[crayonscrayons]

I don't feel well. I feel scared and sad. I could go on and on but I'll just sound crazy. I'm still unwell. I have not returned to normality, even though I go on and on trying to analyse everything so I can tell myself I am normal again, i'm still not. I can't do this without meds, i'm a disappointment. I'm crazy and it's getting worse. the symptoms cause distress of course, but what also causes me distress is how I can tell I'm not well, but I can do nothing to stop it. being "aware" dosn't fix this. And the wait as I'm waiting to feel a sense of nromality, and then worrying that this time I will never be normal again. I try to ignore everything, but it affects me every day, and makes me feel unworthy of anything. I could say it over and over, I'm so scared. I;m so scared. I'm so scared. I'm not scared of anything more than just everything. I could go on and on trying to figure out exactly what it is that i'm so scared of, but i'll lose my way. I haven't showered fully in 3 months like a true schizophrenic, even though i'm not schizophrenic, i'm bipolar, because I return to normality, and it makes me so frustrated by the fact that I truly was afraid of a camera in a heat pump today. I just don't know how to handle the fact i know these things are fake but I must act in fear anyway. I don't know what that makes me. and I want to stay up again because i'm nervous about something I'm not even sure what it is. all I know is that I'm really enjoying the book I'm reading right now. I can clean myself in rlly small ways, like individual parts of me at a time. my bed stresses me out, and I wish I was brave enough to shower. and I have to write this all out again and again in different ways on different days in order to slap myself in the face. reiterate to recall

 

[Thisisnotaname]

I don't always understand his logic ... He knows I don't care but it still pisses him off
And although we do not live together he knows very well what I will do but not when

 

[Electra]

I feel physical symptoms of anxiety, but the overall mood is not bad. I guess I can call it a dissonance.

 

[Cavalcade]

Incredibly annoyed. The stalker and harasser that my so called "friends" chose their desire to make friends with over my safety has been combing through my old anonymized forum history (moderators refused to delete it or the accounts) on another site and is pulling out some of my favourite obscure musical artists to present as their own unique tastes they just so happened to come across.

It's stomach turning. Pisses me off since music is super meaningful to me, and those aren't artists that have any significant mainstream presence or fan base online, so it's incredibly obvious that they're trying to imitate me- much like they had reacted furiously and vengefully when I didn't want to befriend them based solely off of the fact they thought we should be because we're both LGBT and their public attempts to "bond" over poetry (by openly pinging me and my friend and attempting to present it as if I had expressed prior interest) were rebuffed. Not to mention the creepiness of them barging into a group activity and insistently scribbling their own contribution as if anyone had invited them, to be seen in public in association awhile back. It's so goddamn creepy that even when I'm absent they're trying so hard to wear my skin. Ugh.