Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[turbomightbegone]

i quite literally feel nothing, im in a void right now

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Very cool of my body to decide it didn't feel like digesting all the food I ate and so now I have a stomachache from feeling bloated and full.

 

[TheLastBoyOnEarth]

I feel awful because of my chronic pain. I wish I would have killed myself already. I have to wait till next month when my sibling will be in the city to help my father with the funeral and also help him grieve. I want to make it as easy as it can be for everybody. But it's still hard to wait.

 

[cgrtt.brns]

so fucking tired. every day is so monotonous but i dont have the energy to do anything about it. someones playing music outside and i want to scream at them to shut the fuck up. i hate people. i dont want to be here i just want to hide from everyone, from all the expectations and disappointment that im not good enough. my mum found an old picture of me as a kid the other day, she said smthn about how happy i looked and she just looked and sounded rly sad. im a fucking disappointment. im wasting away bc i cant get myself to either do smthn productive or ctb. im too scared to do anything. im gonna be stuck like this forever. nothings gonna change unless i do something. why cant i fucking do something. why cant i make a decision. i just dont get it. i dont understand what im supposed to do. how come everyone else gets it but i dont. i just want to sleep forever.

 

[PinballWizard39]

On the outside it all looks fine. Get up, go do the shopping, come home, hibernate (aka take my diazepam so I don't have to be conscious), wake up, do some study for work, have a shower (well it has been 3-4 days), sort out household bill stuff. Yep, totally normal.

On the inside, I stayed in bed as long as possible to avoid dealing with the world. Forced myself to get some groceries by promising myself I could hide under the covers this afternoon (taking my usual meds and some added diazepam). Woke up, wasted time on tiktok because I didn't want to move. I had a shower and then did a bit of study and paid some bills with money I don't really have. Now I'm drinking vodka because apparently, lately I'd just rather be drugged or under the influence of something or another than be sober and have to deal with the world.

It's all good though right?

 

[etherealspring]

guilt. overwhelming guilt. guilty that im alive, but also guilty that i want to die. i feel trapped and im lost. but also numb and always losing track of time

 

[CTB Dream]

This now all incrs hot v awfl wrld rly make evap

 

[terra.nuvo]

I still miss him. Everyday, every hour, every minute I think of him. I get no peace from thoughts of him. You'd think I'd known him my whole life instead of just 2 years. It's insane how much I miss and think about him. Yet he probably doesn't think about me. I bet he goes his whole day without one thought of me and that hurts me so bad. I feel so stupid for missing someone who straight up told me they lied about how they felt about me. I was over him at one point, but then I let him back in and I hate myself for it. And I also hate myself for forcing him to leave my life. He offered to hang out with me twice a week and I should've taken that. I should've been happy that he'd be willing to give me that much time. But aren't I worth more than just two days? Especially when we used to hangout everyday? We went from being inseparable to never speaking again in the blink of an eye and it hurts so bad. Yet he doesn't think of me and probably never will again. And even if he does think of me it doesn't mean he'll call or text. It just means that he remembered for a second the guy who fell in love with him and then pushed him away. I'm so fucking stupid for the way I handled that situation. I shouldn't have blown up at him over and over. I should've just used to techniques that my therapist taught me to try and calm myself. But it's not like they would've worked anyways. Maybe he and I were just destined to be apart and nothing I could've done would have changed that. Maybe he really didn't love me the way he said he did. Or maybe he did love me the way he said he did but I just made being around me unbearable. I'll never know now cause he's gone.

 

[purplesky]

I wish I could close my eyes tonight and never wake up again. I'm tired and want out of this life. Everyday is such a struggle to know I'll carry the same baggage and internal pain as yesterday, and I'll carry it alone. I wonder how much longer will I be forced to live??

 

[QueerMelancholy]

I feel like my ribcage is a clown car and all the demons in my mind are different facets of my persona. Each facet of the problem requires careful attention. But the clowns make noise and laugh and I feel better swimming in that noise than I do alone with the silence. Why bother wearing a mask when you can paint your lips and face any color you'd like? Laugh and cry but laugh more at yourself than you cry for anyone else. Be the punchline in the joke you write on the walls in empty halls. Cut through the filth and dance in the simplicity. Prance into a stupor. Shake until you cut through time. Tie your intestines into balloon animals. We're all made of microscopic Gods vibrating.

 

[innominesatanas44]

A few months wait is a decent price to pay to finally be freed from this nightmare. I was destined to kms since childhood, adults knew it.

 

[breezyjelly]

So extremely tired. Constantly thinking of ctb, but my plans aren't sorted out yet so I have to endure yet another day. My plan is SN at the end of the month, if I can get all the elements for a peaceful exit. Disappointed every time I wake up. The mornings and evenings are the worst, during the day I can preoccupy myself with work, but when I'm alone everything seems worse.

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

I feel nothing. Except a minor headache.

I prefer that to last nights death anxiety, existential dread, freezing, muscle twitching and crying my eyes out. It'll probably reemerge later.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I'm in a great mood because he texted me, but then again, I'm always put in a great mood when he texts me. I love him so much.

 

[sukiduki]

i feel so lost and confused. sometimes i wish it could all be better, i dream of what it could be like to have dreams and passions and happiness. and then next i feel empty because i don't really really have those dreams or passions. idk. it all feels so confusing. i wish i could go to sleep and never wake up. i don't know what to do. i'm slowly working on a ctb plan but i'm still hurting and i'm still scared. i wish it wasn't this way

 

[tychai]

vile, but im short of ways to explain why or how

 

[PinballWizard39]

I just spoke with the Samaritans again becauseI need someone that I can be honest with about any suicidal thoughts /plans. I feel like I'm leading a double life.
Back to work tomorrow so I have to put my 'I'm ok' face on. The joys. The exhaustion. Kill me now.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I should probably try to call that number for getting a therapist that I was given by my workplace but I'm just too lazy. I'm pretty sure it likely won't even work anyway.

 

[LONE WOLF.]

I'm wondering why l shut my eyes just for a moment around 6pm and now it's 11pm and now I'll be awake through the early hours again oh well l guess I'll just have to annoy you lot as usual

 

[Placo]

Undecided.

 

[Promised Heaven]

I had an emotional overwhelm at work to the point where I nearly collapsed next to the desk on the floor trying to breathe. Coworker just walked past me without concern. I'm still dissociated, but doing a lot better then a few hours ago.

No clue if he's just used to it and doesn't want to say anything because I always complete my work on time.

I'm kinda dizzy, kinda not there. I'll be okay but, I've been saying I've been having these feelings for over a month now. I'm half freaking out this may last a lot longer then I thought.

I have many thoughts, "can anyone hear me?", "someone please see through me", "anyone, please I'm begging you to see me I'm not okay I need someone to collapse on", and "please. help me."

But I have distrust of everyone, so I don't want them to help me. I don't want to burden people with my pain. I just want to be at peace. I don't know what I'm saying.

 

[damienlerone03]

Betrayed, Backstabbed, Broken. How did I even end up in this state? Trust shattered like fragile glass, dreams fading into shadows. Each wound deeper than the last, each disappointment a heavier burden. The echoes of false promises linger, haunting my every step. Alone in a sea of deceit, drowning in sorrow and despair. The light seems distant, hope a mere illusion. My heart, once vibrant, now beats with a hollow, aching emptiness. It didn't go to plan, why should I even continue in this life.

 

[drearysunrise]

i feel like the world is closing in on me. everything that I thought I had the time and space to build up to is out of the picture now. it makes me feel so small and powerless. im overwhelmed and i need to figure out where I'm going from here, but i can't seem to do anything but panic or cry and cling to old memories

 

[moshimoshi]

I don't know. I can't sleep well more like I refuse to lay down for bed I hate myselffffffffff

 

[QueerMelancholy]

I've been in so much pain. My lungs feel crispy. My back is sore. God. Like someone planted a seed in my chest and it's waiting to burst through my flesh and blossom.

The pain feels good. I hope the flower makes me feel beautiful.

 

[everythingoes]

I miss my friend. @AR3S_ ctbed a week ago. I was one of the last people he spoke to. I promised him I'll grieve him and that's what I'm doing. We both promised we'll grieve each other even when we're gone. I hope he found peace.

 

[Mirrory Me]

Full of sugar, sweet after taste , the most i can focus on right now... it's vibe and energy, being comfortable in my own skin- could be hapinness, safety, love...

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I'm in a very good mood today, which is surprising since I thought I today was going to suck. I got my school tuition stuff sorted out and I finally caught up on all my stuff for one of my courses so I can start studying for the upcoming exam tomorrow. Right now, I'm just watching Lab Rats, mostly because I watch re-watched Keyan's videos on it and now I find myself getting sucked back into the show. The show honestly deserved a higher budget and better writing, lol (the writing isn't bad, but I wish there was more character development). Still, it's really fun to watch and I am enjoying myself quite a bit.

 

[NullSz00]

I've been having a lot of headaches lately, and I hate it.

 

[moshimoshi]

I should eat less so my family has more food. A disgusting worthless unproductive piece of shit like me doesn't deserve to be fed.