Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[inferiorpisspot234]

We happen to have been born in an era where human beings live in SICK societies. You either live an unhealthy life or die. Is suicide the answer?

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

Resignation.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I feel rejected and alone. I'm an alien to the world and just another picture to be swiped left. Should have kept the only friend I made as a teen, now I'm paying the price. I just wanted one friend, someone to go to a cafe with, a deep and nice relationship. People around me are fake and living in their own perfect world. I have to gather strength just to take a shower.

I purchased a stuffed animal. A moderately expensive one that is super soft and has fluffy faux fur. I haven't purchased a cuddle stuffed animal since I was 11 and with my parents. Whole thing plus other things costed nearly $ 70.

When I got back I held him for a bit and just felt better. Few strings and fur misalignments but nothing I can't mend. I might put some floral scents on him like lavender or jasmine to feel more cozy and cuddly. It'll never feel the same as a human being but I think I'll be okay for now.

I'm a grown woman. What in the world am I doing buying stuffed animals, especially a large one (not those giga ones, still holdable)? I feel childish, definitely embarrassed, I just want to hold something. God I'm pathetic.

Sounds so nice. It's not pathetic, I'm a grown woman and I love sfuffed animals. I slept with one for several years as a teen because I was so lonely. I hope your stuffed animal brings you the cozy comfort you deserve

 

[vitbar]

Hopeless and demotivated. Reluctant or just demotivated to head home now work is done.

I feel fragile and distant. It isn't taking much to trigger my social anxiety. I'm getting almost startled by everyday things.

I wish I had it in me to go out and get the life I want. Instead I hide.

 

[thedevilwithin]

exhaustion.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

My mood isn't great right now. I don't know how to exactly describe how I am feeling at the moment, though I am feeling better in comparison to how I felt several weeks prior.

I've mostly just been thinking about my own life. I understand that suffering happens all around us and that everyone faces their own challenges in life, but I still can't help but feel that I have nothing to really complain about. I keep on comparing my own experiences to others and thinking to myself "well, my life isn't too bad". I keep on having the urge to downplay my feelings and go back to repressing them again. I know it's not healthy to compare your experiences to others and that it doesn't matter how bad your life is because there is always someone else who has gone through worse than you, but I still get those thoughts.

Sometimes I think back to this comment I found on YouTube once, where someone talked about their lowest point versus their friend's lowest point. Their friend's worst day was when they fell off their bike while delivering something, while the commenter's worst day was having to go to the hospital after a suicide attempt. They said they at first they judged their friend before realizing that just because it didn't seem that bad to them didn't mean that it didn't have an impact on their friend.

I understand that just because I don't consider my experiences to be that bad doesn't mean that I'm not allowed to acknowledge how they've impacted me, but I still have problems accepting that. I don't think it helps that some of those bad experiences came at the hands of those who love me the most. I've finally let go of my resentment towards some of them, resentment that was also partly caused by me projecting my feelings of self-hatred and anger onto them. I'm trying to learn that I don't need to put myself in painful or uncomfortable positions to validate my pain. Still, I keep on having thoughts about how my life isn't that bad and how I don't deserve to complain about anything, with the only thing that has changed being that I now recognize how flawed that way of thinking is.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Anxiousness is swelling up. I hesitate to call it anxiety since I can't be sure if that's what I have. Is anxiety supposed to be this crushing feeling that something is going to harm me even though I have no reason to fear for my safety? I'm only afraid of going to work today and potentially messing up in front of my crush again. I'm also afraid of success with her because then I'd likely have to overwrite myself for her. What if I do successfully get with her and fail more spectacularly further down the line? It's terrifying. I just want to escape this fear the most. The fear of death by my own hands doesn't exist. It gives me comfort but dying unexpectedly still freaks me out. I wish I just knew for sure that she doesn't like me but at the same time I'm also scared of what I'd do if I found out. Every outcome seems terrible and horrifying. Is it anxiety if the thing that has me feeling this way is so stupid and unnecessary? I don't think anyone can understand just how worked up I am over this. Everyone thinks I have nothing to be afraid of and yet I am. I'm always afraid. I don't have any courage or confidence and that's why I'll forever be alone for as long as I'm alive.

 

[Circles]

Feeling like I'm watching a slow disaster waiting for an end and there's nothing I can do about it. I'm honestly scared, frightened, just fucked up man. Like fuck why does life have to so indescribably horrible?

 

[Lullaby]

I'm usually always telling myself that I deserve the things that happen to me. Was recently (again, but more severely) manipulated by someone I considered my closest friend.

This person urged me to lower my walls down over some years and then proceeded to throw back all of my trauma and fears into my face. Gaslighted me into thinking I was crazy and he was a victim because I wasn't doing what he wanted.

I was able to just journal tonight and wrote down I didn't deserve how he treated me. What I really want to tell him, is that I hope he goes straight to hell because he's a horrible person for so many different reasons.

But I'm forcing myself to write a mature message but still highlighting he hurt and manipulated me. That he's not a victim.

He may block me, he may flip out, he may not say anything - maybe it's just closure for me and finally standing up for myself for once.

This makes me wish I wasn't here, I REALLY wish I wasn't here. Not because I feel I don't deserve to live, but because this place is just filled with so many horrible people.

I feel like a deer that was born in a forest filled with predators. It's just not for me, and that's okay.

 

[4_science]

I feel rejected and alone. I'm an alien to the world and just another picture to be swiped left. Should have kept the only friend I made as a teen, now I'm paying the price. I just wanted one friend, someone to go to a cafe with, a deep and nice relationship. People around me are fake and living in their own perfect world. I have to gather strength just to take a shower.

Sounds so nice. It's not pathetic, I'm a grown woman and I love sfuffed animals. I slept with one for several years as a teen because I was so lonely. I hope your stuffed animal brings you the cozy comfort you deserve

I can relate to that Autism spectrum disorder. People like me an appreciate my professional help yet I struggle to make friends. I have moved to the place I still live in in 2010. Haven´t mae a single friend he5re. Just work mates who like to work with me. I can connect just fine with patients or people from other countries, yet I don´t fit in at the place I live. I feel like an alien waiting for the mothership to come pick me up.

 

[moshimoshi]

Just so fucking confused. I have no idea who I am. Am I a good person a bad person a neutral person. Am I doing something wrong right now??? Am I self sabotaging again??? Fuckkk :( I just want to cry……I'm so confused about everything. I care way too much what people think. My brain is frozen. I don't do shit every single day. I don't know. What even is reality. Should I be on this site or is it making my mental health worse. But I love it here. But I love people, except for I fuck it up and hurt them. I hurt them with my self destructiveness,they even told me so. I hate myself and my self hatred affects others. My brain is going crazy, I fantasize shooting my brain stem with a shotgun so many times a day. I just want to be normal, functional, sociable, whatever the fuck other people see as normal. I just want to be loved

 

[Promised Heaven]

God would I do anything to enter a trance like state to lower my urges to CTB over the most minimal things. I need to just not percieve agony but also still be alive. I have THC gummies now but they're super low dose and I have work soon just in case I get too high. Maybe I'll just lay down with earplugs and a eyemask just to, not percieve anything. The world is so chaotic. I need to just mentally escape. Or else I'll physically escape. I just want out of this pain.

 

[GreenGlassDoor]

Numb. And conflicted. I cant decide if i want to live or die, but this hell of a limbo is worse than either choice. But i dont have the energy the care or make a choice.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

It feels like my life lives without me just for the sake of living.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I feel awful right now. My mom made me go out with her and her friend today and I got hit on for the first time while buying drinks for me and my mom. I've never been hit on by a stranger before, so I didn't realize that that was what was happening. When it did hit me I panicked because I have poor social skills and I didn't know how to let him down easy. My mom ended up rejecting him for me and I feel so bad because I'm scared that I made him feel humiliated and ruined his day. I feel so bad for unintentially leading him on.

To add insult to injury, I had to spend most of my day in a loud crowded mall, smelling a bunch of shitty perfumes (which gave me a headache). I feel guilty, annoyed, drained, and overstimulated right now.

 

[Dark Moon]

Not that great still empty on the inside.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Defeated. Life is just horrible. I wish I could have CTB years ago. I don't want to even get out of bed every day.
I want to curl up and die. There is NO point to life !!!! People are dying every day that want to live.
I want to trade places with them.
I don't know how prolifers expect us to talk others from CTB when we want to die ourselves.
No amount of therapy will help. Not when you are poor and struggle every f**king day.
Anxiety about everything.

 

[moshimoshi]

I need to shit so badly but I really don't wanna get out of bed

 

[Seaghost]

I'm surviving somehow but thats not living.

Could find some good things and news about legal carers. Seems not not bad but well it feels like I lost again vs. life.
And...there are bad news on the horizon which I try to pushing away from me.
Whats worth of living???

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Lazy, empty, sad, lonely for the negative ones. Hopeful, excited for the positive ones. They're completely tied to certain things/events in my life.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

I just want to feel full on something instead of so empty. Nothing plugs the gap. I went to the gym today, then I bought alcohol, chocolate….
Was going to treat myself to a new dress for my birthday but when all you really want to do is die, anything material just seems like a waste of money.

 

[cgrtt.brns]

Spoiler: big ol vent - tw ed

feel weirdly ok. recently kind of relapsed into ed, i say kind of bc i dont think its rly that bad, just restricting a bit, every now and then my brain says fuck it lets eat, and then i snap out of it and get rly angry at myself, idk how long this "relapse" will last, idk how much weight i want to lose, ig just as much as i can. idk. i found out id lost a bunch of weight with out even realising it since i last weighed myself months ago and it just made me feel.. not "good" but like stable? idk how to describe it i just felt average which is much better than how i normally feel, so pretty good in comparison to my normal state if that makes sense. im home alone for a few days and ive been drinking and i just feel ok for once, its nice. randomly have those "i could kill myself right now" thoughts but its not convenient rn bc my dog would be left alone so i wont. still just have an overall feeling of wishing i wasnt here tho. i doubt thatll ever go away. now that im alone i feel like im in my own bubble of safety, the real world isnt bothering me as much as it normally does, i wish i felt like this all the time. im terrified of waking up tomorrow and not feeling the same motivation to restrict my eating, i want this to last forever, it makes me feel better, i feel in control for once. idk maybe im just drunk and not thinking properly. man life doesnt seem so fucking miserable when i dont have to interact with other humans lmao. if i could just live in my own little bubble of safety forever and never have to talk to other people or witness the atrocities other humans cause maybe i wouldnt want to die so much. but only death would actually bring me that sense of security. its unfortunate. anyway im gonna try n sleep now so i dont eat any more lol cant eat if ur not conscious xP my dog just farted lol

 

[Ranni]

Heartbroken, hopeless and hungover

 

[LoiteringClouds]

From my job I fear getting fired.
I couldn't do the job fast enough,
because I was extremely tired.
But it's normal - I know life is tough.

 

[Cant-take-it]

Worthless, pointless, like a failure. Thinking that I'm not going to be able to keep a promise I made to myself less than a year ago. Afraid that my son will find me.

 

[ilistentoradiohead]

I feel..eh. I'm just living. I'm just adapting to whatever is around me. I feel nothing

 

[aiki__0]

Tired. So stressed about tomorrow. There are so many changes to my schedule and its causing me so much paranoia that I can't sleep. I hate my college.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Peep my last status, I actually feel quite great.
I know it's wrong to flex my brief happiness but even though it was small I felt so good that of course I had to start thinking of ways to sabotage this good feeling by overthinking. Like what if I'm just delusional and she was only trying to humor me? What then? What if she has other male friends who are interested in her? What should I do? Why am I like this? Why is it so dark in here? Why can't I just face my fear?

 

[markimobzzdeasui]

I am just a filthy loser who is destroying his already messed up life by wrong choices and bad habits. And I just am unable to help myself. I don't know what to do anymore. I wish I was a lot less numb and in touch with my emotions. And maybe could cry a little.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

So tired,
Can't go to sleep yet. Can't think. I just wanna die. Wish I won't wake up tomorrow. I want my forever sleep.