Discussion Weird feeling after attempt

[depressed_kitten97]

I attempted to ctb last week.
Since then, life feels so unreal.
It's hard to explain…
It's like I'm living on autopilot.
It's like I'm not really here in my body.
Everything's blurry.
I feel numb.
It feels like nothing has changed. School is the same. Teachers are the same. Friends and family are the same.
But at the same time, for me, everything has changed.
I was so determined and sure that I was going to die, that since I am still here, it feels unreal. In my head, my life was ending. I didn't plan past the day I attempted. I am not supposed to be here, and yet, I still am.
Has anybody ever felt like this?
I don't know how to get out of this phase.

 

[Halfhourdays]

I know what you mean. Ever since I failed, I feel depersonalized and this awful derealization, like I'm in a simulation or dream. Numb.

If you don't mind my asking, what was your method?

 

[depressed_kitten97]

Hanging. The rope broke. How dumb am I lol

 

[Halfhourdays]

Hanging. The rope broke. How dumb am I lol

Lol...

Not dumb, people fail at ctb constantly.

 

[Jealous Blackheart]

Almost this exact thing happened to me after my poison attempt that landed me in the hospital in my teens.

Deleted files off my computer and got rid of other belongings.
Missed a bunch of school due to being hospitalized.
The entire experience, even the moment I came to again.

Then I got out of the hospital and life had just carried on. Like I was never gone. Like I was never there in the first place.
After my fool proof plan failed I had no plan at all. For life or death. And time just kept passing by.

 

[baberty]

It made me feel like, "great, I even managed to fuck THIS up. how pathetic can I possibly be "

 

[grapevoid]

I attempted to ctb last week.
Since then, life feels so unreal.
It's hard to explain…
It's like I'm living on autopilot.
It's like I'm not really here in my body.
Everything's blurry.
I feel numb.
It feels like nothing has changed. School is the same. Teachers are the same. Friends and family are the same.
But at the same time, for me, everything has changed.
I was so determined and sure that I was going to die, that since I am still here, it feels unreal. In my head, my life was ending. I didn't plan past the day I attempted. I am not supposed to be here, and yet, I still am.
Has anybody ever felt like this?
I don't know how to get out of this phase.

After my failed attempt, it felt very disorienting coming home to my normal life. Same, everything was the same but everything felt very different for me.