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Leve

Leve

New Member
Sep 21, 2025
2
Anyone else have this? I know deep down I want to get better and live a 'happy' life, but I'm not so sure I even believe in that. I know I should be alive for the people in my life and be healthy for them, but self-destruction is all I really want to do. I simultaneously want to get better, but also want to get worse, keep cutting, remove myself more from people and dissociate more, and eventually ctb. I see myself as sort of in an in-between state. Anyone else relate to this? Any advice on how to solve this? I got sent to the hospital the other day and have some recommendations for doctors and therapists, I'm just procrastinating on picking one (or even researching them)

-Leve
 
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Reactions: angelz08 and qwert3948
qwert3948

qwert3948

Member
Apr 24, 2023
97
i very much relate. i feel like i just want to stop feeling this way, but i'm too scared to make any choice about it.
i don't want to comit to getting better and get disapointed, but i'm not ready to kill myself either. i just stand on the pain i feel without doing anything significant about it and life just carries me on
 
angelz08

angelz08

Member
Mar 3, 2025
13
heavily relate. I'm not sure where the wanting to get worse part stems from for me but its very present and I feel odd bringing it up to professionals bc I feel like they won't get it.
 

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