Venting Want help but I’d have to admit to lying

[leadedSnail]

I have a really bad habit of lying to convince people that I'm okay. Well, I've been keeping up a lie about how I'm doing okay in college when the truth is I haven't been to a single lecture or lab in almost 5 weeks. Lying and the fear of being caught in my lies is really hindering my recovery and if anything it's speeding up thoughts and plans of suicide. It makes me feel even more guilty when I lie to those who genuinely want to help. Right now I'm trying to figure it out and tell the truth but all I want to do is run away or kill myself. Admitting to these lies fills me with such dread, especially since most of my family and my partner value honesty so much. I feel like such a coward.

 

[Life_and_Death]

maybe try writing it down first? think about your thoughts? how you feel?

and maybe try to forgive yourself? no, its typically not ok to lie, but the human emotions behind lying are understandable and normal its ok to be human

maybe instead of looking at the past 'i lied' , try looking at the present 'im being honest and fixing it now'

 

[Hvergelmir]

Well, I've been keeping up a lie about how I'm doing okay in college when the truth is I haven't been to a single lecture or lab in almost 5 weeks.

So... you got sick, and thought you could deal with it alone. Five weeks later you realize that you really can't.
I don't see deception or ill intent. Being a little bit cowardly is fine. Dealing with tough things is scary.

I of course don't know the extent of your lies or if my interpretation is accurate. Either way you can confidently treat it as any other sickness. Just drop the facade and get it treated.

 

[WitheredHeights]

It's only natural that you got scared and so used deception to try to protect yourself. That fear is the distance between yourself and vulnerability. Try to start small. Maybe with telling the truth to yourself in the mirror. Then, start with having a heart to heart with a friend or parent. Just remind yourself that this shadow shall set too.

 

[timf]

If you had been in a car accident, they would probably cut you some slack You might talk to an advisor and ask if you can get help to make up for the lost time.

 

[Chili]

You could draft and write a letter or note to them. It's hard, man. You can also try and solve the issues yourself, such as speaking to a professor and seeing how that goes. An email might help you out. This is a tough situation though, im really sorry

 

[lostovertime]

Once you come clean you will feel better. I always have the worst anxiety until I come clean with things.