NSFW Want a Way Out

[cobain43]

It has been 15 days since I lost my mother. It all happened so soon. We were talking after dinner and within 2 hours I had to rush her to the hospital where she was proclaimed dead. Today would have been the 25th anniversary of my parents' marriage. I don't want to live anymore. I lost all meaning in life and really contemplating suicide. I have given some interviews to colleges but those went badly. I want to talk. And how does suicide feel like? I have no idea but I want to do that right. I dont want to mess it up. I am kind of loner, had a few relationships in the past, and my mother was my only friend. I hate every passing moment.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

sorry for loss of your mother, have you tried counselling?

 

[PoisonedJuliet]

We are here if/when you want to talk. I'm so sorry for your loss. It feels like the world is crashing down upon you when you lose someone you love. Much love

 

[cobain43]

Yeah, tried. They charge a lot and in the end cannot answer a question. I spent around 35 minutes with the shrink and her prescription was to smile more. I did not sit for an hour. Cost me around 70 dollars.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

Grief is a bitch. It eats at our souls and fills us with pain. Especially the loss of a mother, which is a special blinding kind of loss.

Grief professionals often advise that you not make important decisions right away after a loss. I am telling you to do the same.

It's not entirely accurate to say that you get over the pain. I would say, rather, that one learns to live with it and that the levels of grief start to ebb and flow, leaving you moments of levity. Eventually, everyone laughs again.

I am sorry that you are hurting this way. Would you like to tell us about your mother?

 

[cobain43]

Yeah, my mother was my whole support system. Can't say I was too close to my father. And now having only him around bugs me literally. I survived leukemia few years ago and my mother was there the whole time. She had a weak heart. Her brothers cheated her of her property and I think that caused a massive cardiac arrest.

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss of your mother. As for suicide, I would think about it more thoroughly and not impulsively rush into it as that could make things worse. In regards to how it feels like, I guess it would depend on the method, some methods are more peaceful and reliable than others, whereas other methods are less reliable and cause more pain. Again, I would suggest taking some more time to think it thoroughly and then make a decision rather than rush into it; and whatever you decide to do, I hope you find peace.

 

[highlyvolatile]

I'm very sorry for the loss of your mom. I lost mine last year. Its hard coping with the loss of one of your best friends and strong support systems. I definitely feel how you are feeling after she passed too. I along with other members are here if youd like to talk. :) And also please consider looking at the resources on the forum before you rush into anything, please. Or take time out to like process things also.

 

[cobain43]

Yeah, I have thought about it. Actually everybody wishes for a second chance. I am looking for the next 3 months, till May. If I get a shimmer of hope, I will try to cling on to that. But if not, I got nothing to lose. Yeah, the members of this online forum are really nice and it feels great that I am not being judged. A big thank you to all.

 

[SpanishLullaby]

It has been 15 days since I lost my mother. It all happened so soon. We were talking after dinner and within 2 hours I had to rush her to the hospital where she was proclaimed dead. Today would have been the 25th anniversary of my parents' marriage. I don't want to live anymore. I lost all meaning in life and really contemplating suicide. I have given some interviews to colleges but those went badly. I want to talk. And how does suicide feel like? I have no idea but I want to do that right. I dont want to mess it up. I am kind of loner, had a few relationships in the past, and my mother was my only friend. I hate every passing moment.

I dont want to minimize your loss but I do want to say that all loss "we" as humans are not expecting can be catastrophic to the mind body and soul. It will take a lot of time and it wont be easy but most people recover from grief as time passes.

It may take a few months or 1-2 years of time passing so I'd recommend giving yourself time to grieve and heal before considering anything rash....

When you hear a lot of those stories about people who 'recovered' from depression they tend to be people who were what I'd call "situationally depressed", which is due to some particular event surrounding loss.

The people who don't typically recover are those who are "clinically depressed." This is a distinction that many dont know when they read stories because the conditions are both lumped together. As such, you may want to consider your mental state as a normal part of life's human process since we are all guaranteed to pass at some point.

It is when situational depression becomes clinical depression that you should be concerned but you have time before that happens.

I apologize if my verbiage does not sound traditionally empathetic as I dont empathize in the same way most people in society tend to. However the information I type may give you some solace that over time you may feel differently as you come to terms with her passing and move through the grief process.

I'm sorry for your loss...I do hope that you are able to find small bits of comfort that build over time to you becoming stronger as you move through your grieving process. It is possible that this process or even talking here may help you find some friends, hence a supportive group that will expand your circle of friends. While it will NEVER replace your mom it might help you along the way.